Truly the biggest hypocrisy of white ND twitter is how often we gripe about neurotypicals projecting intentions onto us, when we do the EXACT same thing to POC on here, especially Black women like René.
Our need to prioritize our own perspective and interpretation is getting in the way of POC being able to feel safe and wanted in our community. Black people and other POC on here do not exist to baby us through unlearning white supremacy. We need to do that work ourselves.
And let's be clear, thinking that we, as white people, know the "true" intent of someone's words, believing that we can know if something is really racist or not, projecting aggressiveness onto POC who are sharing their experiences... that IS white supremacy.
AND I'm so tired of people using neurodivergence as an excuse for being racist. Neurodivergent POC exist and are here on twitter, not being racist. Whiteness is the reason we are racist. We all need to reflect on how our whiteness shapes our experiences on here.
I was so lucky to find this community, I was welcomed with opened arms. I can talk about my ADHD struggles and the way it interacts with my other identities, and be validated. That is because I'm white. Barely anyone ever misreads my tone, or claims I'm being aggressive.
Everytime we get defensive about racism, project intent, or use neurodivergence as an excuse for racism, we are telling neurodivergent POC that our comfort in unchallenged whiteness is more important than them being visible, heard and respected in this community. That's not okay.
*ugh just realized this should read PoC not POC, apologies! I don't use the term very much bc I try to be more specific usually (but in this case it definitely feels like anyone who isn't white gets a lot of flack from white NDs on here).

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More from @AdhdAngsty

30 May
One of the best things I've done is allow myself to have deal breakers and ADHD-friendly standards in my friendships. Get angry about lateness? Dislike non-linear conversation? That's fine, but we won't vibe long term so I'm not gonna twist myself up to meet your expectations.
For so long I felt like the "bad" friend. The person who couldn't maintain messaging over distance, who double booked, who eventually let others down. And tbf, I DID let those people down, because I was pretending to be someone who could do friendship their way, when I can't.
We're sent so many negative messages about our ADHD-related traits. I tried to contort myself into someone who I wasn't, because I thought I needed to be that person to have value and friends. But I could never keep it up! Because it wasn't me!!! I always failed eventually.
Read 7 tweets
10 May
Nope. Instead, normalize understanding there isn't one true rule for communication and each individual wants different things out of their different relationships at different times.
For real though, "listening" looks different for everyone. I feel listened to when someone asks lots of related questions, and connects my experience to something they've gone through, or a big picture analysis.
When people just nod and say things like "that sounds interesting" with no elaboration, I end up feeling very unheard. I generally change the subject because I don't know how to keep expressing my thoughts when there's not a response to bounce off.
Read 6 tweets
7 May
I've been thinking a lot about whiteness this week, and how white supremacy enables white people to understand ourselves as objective and true, and other people's interpretations of us as subjective and flawed.
I think most of us white people would assume that everyone understands the world that way, with themselves at the center, and everyone else on the periphery. But reflecting, I really do think this is a specifically western white experience.
White supremacy that tells us we are "value-neutral", the "normal" to the "other". When you're constantly given the message that you are the norm, it's easy to fall into the trap of seeing your interpretations as unbiased, as logic, as the natural and obvious perspective.
Read 10 tweets
30 Apr
I think people need to get better at distinguishing between growing visibility of ADHD in their online circles and it becoming "trendy". Nobody irl I know even understands ADHD. People look at me with pity when I tell them. It's not "cool".
It makes me sad bc it's predominantly women, trans and non-binary people, and POC of all genders who are discovering their ADHD themselves in adulthood, bc systematic bias meant it wasn't picked up on earlier by the caregivers around them.
These people then find communities online, and share and learn and connect, sometimes seriously and sometimes with humour, only for this uptick in dialogue to be dismissed as a "trend", and for other ADHDers to gatekeep them bc "that's not what ADHD looks like".
Read 8 tweets
28 Apr
Something I dislike about ADHD is that so many of my mistakes feel the same: like blips, where I can't quite figure out how I didn't notice them at the time. But the consequences are HUGELY different. Figuring out how "big" a mistake is, and what my response should be is hard.
E.g. I often read emails and messages wrong, and reply to the wrong interpretation without realizing. Most of the time this is fine. Sometimes it has been very very bad. So now everytime I do it, I feel the same level of regret and panic, and struggle not to overapologise for it.
To me it makes perfect sense that many ADHDers also have anxiety. It's a shitty feeling to know even when you're careful, and really care about what you're doing, you're likely to just randomly drop the ball, and there's no way of knowing the fallout of that until you get there.
Read 4 tweets
27 Apr
Tbh growing up is just constantly reminding myself that I'm allowed to have different views to those who I respect. I'm always reevaluating stances on things, but have to remember that doing this should come from strengthening my understanding, not trying to make others happy.
ALSO have to remind myself that disagreement and conflict DOES NOT MEAN that those people I respect will lose respect for me. Disagreement is okay, and everyone has different filters that they learn and build opinions through.
This resistance to disagreement is totally a Fawn trauma response, but it's also a White ™️ thing, and I do think that being an advocate would require me to get much more comfortable with disagreement, bc otherwise I'll end up prioritizing civility which I don't want to do.
Read 5 tweets

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