Why would nonAutistic parents of Autistic Kids be upset (even filled with rage) seeing Autistic Adults thriving and supporting themselves (when this should fill them with hope)?
Unfortunately some parents want Autistic People to be completely dependent on their parents to feed their own sense of self importance.
Those of us who aren’t dependent on our parents shatter these people’s false and inflated sense of self importance. They need to be needed.
These kinds of parents will train their children (Autistic or not) to be completely dependent on them for the rest of their lives, and may not even try to teach skills for independence, because they like being a source for all of their child’s needs.
Have you ever known anyone like this in real life? I have it was terrifying. I feel very bad for the offspring who are now in their 20s & have no life skills - these aren’t even Autistic Offspring just poor kids who’s mom doesn’t want them to ever leave home & makes leaving hard.
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I sometimes see critique of Autistic People online, who don’t share enough about their struggles.
First, nobody owes you their struggles in pain to read like some kind of soap opera.
Second a lot of people only show the highlights of their life on social media.
Also, if I’m honest, these days I don’t struggle as much as I did before I learned I was Autistic & had no accommodations in place to help me with work, school, or life.
I struggled a lot more before learning I was Autistic.
When I didn’t know I was Autistic I struggled a lot.
I struggled to maintain relationships with other people. I still do, but understand why and that makes it easier now.
I struggled with the sensory environment. Now I avoid my triggers.
Recently a group of parents has made a claim that Autistic Adults sharing the better parts of the Autistic Experience online has made it more difficult for parents to peruse services for their children because people don’t automatically see Autism as a bad thing anymore.
Being Autistic is not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, it sucks sometimes, especially because of society systems & the world being stacked against us.
Let’s talk about why some of us share the good parts of being Autistic:
1. Historically, most of the conversation about Autistic People has only been about our weaknesses and completely ignored our strengths.
Some of us are seeking balance to the narrative.
We are more than our weaknesses. We are a combination of our strengths & weaknesses.
I am someone who is trained in behavior modification in various species, who has trained animals professionally.
A lot of the methods in ABA have been deemed to cruel to use on animals for years, but are still being used on human children.
I no longer train animals.
I gave up animal training because people want compliant animals that don’t think for themselves. They want you to break the spirit of their animal and that broke my heart.
It breaks my heart to know people want the same about Autistic Children.
I now teach animals how to communicate with us and do the work to understand how they are communicating in ways that we might miss if we’re not paying attention.
Words are not the only thing you can use to communicate. With animals the way their body moves tells you everything.
We’re only in the first week of April & I’ve already received a multitude of emails asking about how to respectfully speak about Autism & Autistic people.
Here are a few gentle reminders, for those of you who want to be good allies this month:
In the debate over “Autistic Person” or “person with autism”, though individual opinions can and do vary, Autistic person is preferred by most Autistic (not all) people.
It’s always good to ask & respect the individual’s choice in how to identify themselves.
Aspergers is being phased out as a diagnosis though some Autistic people have received this label in recent years (depending on where they live in the world).
Autistic is Autistic.
Separating Autistic people this way harms all of us even those who are given the Aspergers label.
I found out that I was Autistic, at the age of 29, fairly late in life.
When I would tell people this newly discovered information, often, they would have a range of reactions, from not knowing how to respond, to disbelief.
In my experience coming out, Autistic has been a lot like coming out Queer -you have to come out over & over again.
It is an endless process with each & every new person you meet (if you choose to disclose that information).
When you do decide to disclose this information to people who may have been close to you in your life, you may lose people, because some humans will be unable to accept the new information, in relation to the way they think of you.
It’s official April. You may have heard that April is considered “Autism Month” to many people.
A few gentle reminders to non-Autistic people, as we jump into this month:
1. Please step aside and let Autistic People lead the conversation about Autism this month.
Historically, April has often been a time non-Autistics speak over Autistic voices, effectively silencing us and cutting us out of conversations about issues that impact us.
2. Please DO help to amplify the voices/words of Autistic people on Autistic issues this month (and all year long).