It's amazing how much less "social anxiety" I have now that I don't force myself to interact with people I don't get along with. I always thought it was nerves I needed to push through when in reality it's often my intuition saying "you're not enjoying this situation or person".
It's just ridiculous that we are all supposed to be super social with everyone we meet in every circumstance, and if we don't want to do that then there must be something wrong with us, and the burden is on us to fix it.
The amount of social events I would brute-force myself into, and then spend the whole time biting my tongue, being bored, and escaping to the bathroom for breaks is...honestly a bit heartbreaking upon reflection. Worse are the ones that involved people who actually harmed me.
I'm not saying social anxiety isn't a thing, and I'm not trying to diminish anybody's experiences of it. It's just that, for me personally, often the voice telling me I shouldn't go to that party is RIGHT. Most events I feel dread beforehand do turn out to be bad, or boring.
Actually engaging with any anxiety I have about social events (rather than dismissing it as irrational nerves) has helped me determine what I DO like about socialising. I'm more social now than ever- because I'm not spending all my energy on people I don't enjoy the company of.

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More from @AdhdAngsty

9 Jun
Being neurodivergent is so bizarre, because you often excel at tasks others find hard, but struggle with what others find easy. People will see you do something complex really well and then assume you can easily handle all the "simpler" tasks- but often those are harder for us!
I'm starting to realise how many assumptions I've internalised about what difficulty different tasks are "supposed" to be. My job has involved more admin than usual recently and I keep beating myself up for struggling with something so "basic".
The thing is, it's not basic for me! It's requiring me to follow lots of really niggly and detail orientated processes and document everything I'm doing in a communicable way...ADHD makes these things really really hard.
Read 5 tweets
1 Jun
Truly the biggest hypocrisy of white ND twitter is how often we gripe about neurotypicals projecting intentions onto us, when we do the EXACT same thing to POC on here, especially Black women like René.
Our need to prioritize our own perspective and interpretation is getting in the way of POC being able to feel safe and wanted in our community. Black people and other POC on here do not exist to baby us through unlearning white supremacy. We need to do that work ourselves.
And let's be clear, thinking that we, as white people, know the "true" intent of someone's words, believing that we can know if something is really racist or not, projecting aggressiveness onto POC who are sharing their experiences... that IS white supremacy.
Read 7 tweets
30 May
One of the best things I've done is allow myself to have deal breakers and ADHD-friendly standards in my friendships. Get angry about lateness? Dislike non-linear conversation? That's fine, but we won't vibe long term so I'm not gonna twist myself up to meet your expectations.
For so long I felt like the "bad" friend. The person who couldn't maintain messaging over distance, who double booked, who eventually let others down. And tbf, I DID let those people down, because I was pretending to be someone who could do friendship their way, when I can't.
We're sent so many negative messages about our ADHD-related traits. I tried to contort myself into someone who I wasn't, because I thought I needed to be that person to have value and friends. But I could never keep it up! Because it wasn't me!!! I always failed eventually.
Read 7 tweets
10 May
Nope. Instead, normalize understanding there isn't one true rule for communication and each individual wants different things out of their different relationships at different times.
For real though, "listening" looks different for everyone. I feel listened to when someone asks lots of related questions, and connects my experience to something they've gone through, or a big picture analysis.
When people just nod and say things like "that sounds interesting" with no elaboration, I end up feeling very unheard. I generally change the subject because I don't know how to keep expressing my thoughts when there's not a response to bounce off.
Read 6 tweets
7 May
I've been thinking a lot about whiteness this week, and how white supremacy enables white people to understand ourselves as objective and true, and other people's interpretations of us as subjective and flawed.
I think most of us white people would assume that everyone understands the world that way, with themselves at the center, and everyone else on the periphery. But reflecting, I really do think this is a specifically western white experience.
White supremacy that tells us we are "value-neutral", the "normal" to the "other". When you're constantly given the message that you are the norm, it's easy to fall into the trap of seeing your interpretations as unbiased, as logic, as the natural and obvious perspective.
Read 10 tweets
30 Apr
I think people need to get better at distinguishing between growing visibility of ADHD in their online circles and it becoming "trendy". Nobody irl I know even understands ADHD. People look at me with pity when I tell them. It's not "cool".
It makes me sad bc it's predominantly women, trans and non-binary people, and POC of all genders who are discovering their ADHD themselves in adulthood, bc systematic bias meant it wasn't picked up on earlier by the caregivers around them.
These people then find communities online, and share and learn and connect, sometimes seriously and sometimes with humour, only for this uptick in dialogue to be dismissed as a "trend", and for other ADHDers to gatekeep them bc "that's not what ADHD looks like".
Read 8 tweets

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