I was profiling Clinton Portis when he played for Washington. His house was full of giant aquariums. One of them had a lionfish in it. I was like, "Wow, that fish is super venomous if you step on it." He sort of frowned at me and said, "Ain't got no plans to step on it."
This remains the world's only known instance of fishsplaining.
I also accidentally beat Santana Moss at pool that night. I am a terrible pool player, but I couldn't miss. Well, it turns out professional athletes are quite competitive. You don't want to announce you're terrible at pool and then roll them. Little pro tip for the Youngbloods.
One of the great miracles of my career—nay, of the entire history of human existence—is that I got through it without anyone picking me up, turning me upside down, and dropping me into a garbage can.
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