Thread by @5DollarFeminist

Howard Kleinhendler arguing that it's UNLEGAL for MLB to move the All Star Game out of ATL, complains that girls' softball teams dropped out of their championship game the same weekend.

Judge: How is that an imminent harm requiring injunction?

HK: ....

Judge: Please, just make some kind of legally cognizable argument as to how your organization is harmed here?

HK/JCN: We had to take out ads to fight MLB.

Judge: But, isn't your whole schtick basically taking out ads?

HK/JCN: Well, now we have to take out lots of ads in ATL.

LOL.

Judge: Your injury already happened. It's done.

HK/JCN: Our clients could lose MORE business?

Judge: And there could be a hurricane.

Judge: I think you just want me speculate that you have some members who are going to be harmed. You haven't mentioned any.

Ooooof.

Oh, good, we've come to the part where the plaintiff will explain how MLB is actually THE GOVERNMENT.

Judge: "That's not what that case holds. That case is entirely distinguishable."

Shockingly, the court is unimpressed with the argument that taxpayer subsidies of teams makes baseball's independent governing body a state actor.

"All you need is one member who is a state actor, and MLB is stuck with the state actor designation."

Good luck, fella.

STG, the Judge just said, "Have you ever heard the expression 'sucking at the government tit?'"

"Anti-trust exemption"

DRINK!

Judge has moved Kleinhendler, the famous Kraken lawyer, along to explain how MLB the state actor [wink wink] violated his client's constitutional rights.

It's not going well.

Judge: You are not the state of GA, you are not the Cobb County stadium. How are you injured?

HK/JCN: Uhhh, Equal Protection for all citizens of GA?

Judge: All citizens of GA are not your client.

HUH. Judge Caproni just said "People do things based on faulty information. We just had an invasion of the Capitol based on faulty information."

Faulty information Kleinhendler has been flogging for seven months in the Kraken suit.

Kleinhendler mansplaining to a federal judge and cutting her off repeatedly is going to go over.

OMG, he's now literally shouting at her.

HK/JCN: Atlanta is 51% Black.

Judge: So they intended to discriminate against blacks? Is that your theory?

Dear Lord, the plaintiff just argued that MLB is imposing a pre-clearance requirement. Like a freelance VRA.

Judge: How is MLB hindering GA from enacting a law which already passed?

HK/JCN: They're trying to get it un-passed.

Judge: That's not hindrance.

(Trying to imagine how delighted MLB and the MLBPA lawyers are sitting there watching this.)

Judge: If I don't find that MLB is a state actor, how does your case survive?

HK: Something-something KKK laws about hindering official government business.

Judge:

If you're ever in a court room and find yourself tempted to tell the judge "I don't need to prove it to you," DON'T.

Judge: You can't possibly think that. That is just not true.

So, this is all going well.

Judge: You've said that $100 million would make you whole for losses. Why do I need to issue an injunction if you yourself have said money damages would cover it?

HK/JCN: No, but we really want the game back. So could you just give us that one?

Dammit, we've veered off into the Privileges and Immunities clause. I was really hoping to hear exactly how MLB violated the Dormant Commerce Clause by moving the game.

Kleinhendler has now backed himself into arguing that the subjective motivations of every business decision should be evaluated by the court for potential constitutional implication.

"It has to do with scope and impact."

Judge: "I don't think you're right. And I think if there were ten Klansmen blocking a Black polling place you would get a lawsuit. And they would win!"

Safe to say Judge Caproni is PISSED.

Kleinhendler: "The Equal Protection argument is that the people of GA are hindered from having an All Star Game."

Judge: "Oh, for God's sake."

Judge put Kleinhendler out of his misery, invited MLB lawyer to address the court.

MLB Lawyer: Well, you mostly said it all already, your honor.

Judge: Sorry to steal your honor.

MLB: Literally none of what HK/JCN argued meets the statutory definition of the torts alleged. None of the allegedly injured parties were party to any contract with MLB, how can they claim MLB is in breach?

MLB Player's Association: We never agree with MLB, but this time, we're in total agreement.

Also, MLBPA didn't move the game and couldn't move it back, so what are we even doing here?

MLBPA is PISSED that HK/JCN said they're involved in a racist endeavor.

Oh, Cripes, Kleinhendler is back to take another swing.

AND A MISS.

Aaaannnddd we're back to the bizarro world argument that MLB is imposing a preclearance requirement, which is illegal now thanks to CJ Roberts in Shelby County v. Holder.

How is MLB the Justice Department? HK/JCN does not say.

HK/JCN: You don't have to have all of your facts in a conspiracy complaint.

Judge: But you can't have NONE of your facts!

Kleinhendler is trying (and failing) to explain why the Players Ass'n is named in this suit. Apparently he has secret evidence of COLLUSION between MLB and MLBPA which he might include in an amended complaint.

Also, maybe the players also hate the law and will refuse to play.

HK/JCN: "They can't do that if they're a state actor ..."

Judge: "Assume that you're going to lose that argument."

Yeah, safe bet.

Judge: "You have not alleged a single action that shows the Georgia legislature is actually intimidated."

Judge: Who was intimidated?

HK: The people of GA, they were punished

Judge: How is that intimidation? GA lege isn't changing the law.

Judge: Defendants have anything to add?

MLB/MLBPA: This is some sorry bullshit. Nothing further.

Judge: Okay, 5 min break.

Whoops, broken thread:

https://twitter.com/5DollarFeminist/status/1403071589206347776?s=20

Judge: Motion is denied. Plaintiff lacks standing to seek injunctive relief and has failed to demonstrate that it will suffer irreparable harm.

Judge: You can't claim you were injured because you had to buy billboards when your entire purpose appears to be buying billboards. Now I will read some of your batshit billboards in a funny Siri voice.

(Rough paraphrase)

Judge: "I would be remiss if I did not point out several other issues with this case. ... To say that the legal underpinnings of this lawsuit are weak and muddled would be an understatement."

That came after ten minutes of explaining why the injunction request was total crap.

Judge says trial will be set for early July. Game is July 13, so ... you do the math.

Well, that was amazing. Court adjourned, Hosanna!