Okay. So, a couple days ago, I took RocketKid to the dentist, and it was a sunny day so I waited outside in our car, reading a historical novel called Rose Code (quite good, too!).
This older gentleman, maybe in his early seventies came out of the dentist’s office…
1/
This older gentleman, maybe in his early seventies came out of the dentist’s office…
1/
And he had obviously had some work done, his mouth was clearly hurting.
It was sunny, I had my windows open, he gets into the car next to me, and leaves the door open, and grabs his phone. I;m not trying, but it’s on speaker so I can hear as he calls his wife.
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It was sunny, I had my windows open, he gets into the car next to me, and leaves the door open, and grabs his phone. I;m not trying, but it’s on speaker so I can hear as he calls his wife.
2/
And I can hear every word. He is speaking a bit loudly, and his wife is speaking a bit loudly, maybe one of them has diminished hearing, not sure. But she asks how it went, clearly concerned for him, he reassures her that he’s all right. They speak with pure kindness.
3/
3/
And they start talking, like they miss each other even though it can’t have been that long since they saw each other. He says it’s a bit hard for him to talk but he does anyway, because they clearly miss each other from their hour apart…
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4/
Then she asks, if his mouth isn’t hurting too much, would he very much mind stopping to get a few things they need at the grocery store, and he says of course.
She lists the few items, it’s nothing major.
Except for one hitch.
She asks him to pick up a pound cake.
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She lists the few items, it’s nothing major.
Except for one hitch.
She asks him to pick up a pound cake.
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Remember this.
A pound cake.
The story revolves around a pound cake.
Pound.
Cake.
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A pound cake.
The story revolves around a pound cake.
Pound.
Cake.
6/
Now, YOU know what a pound cake is.
It’s a delicious, dense, mild cake often served glazed or with fruit, a perfect accompaniment to tea or coffee. It’s not fancy at all.
It’s pound cake.
You know what pound cake is.
And I know what pound cake is.
Pound cake.
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It’s a delicious, dense, mild cake often served glazed or with fruit, a perfect accompaniment to tea or coffee. It’s not fancy at all.
It’s pound cake.
You know what pound cake is.
And I know what pound cake is.
Pound cake.
7/
Think for a moment, how often does one crave pound cake?
How often does one even THINK of pound cake?
Like, it’s always a delight when it arrives, but part of that delight is remembering it even exists.
A host offers you a slice and you say, ‘oh, yes, pound cake. How nice.’
8/
How often does one even THINK of pound cake?
Like, it’s always a delight when it arrives, but part of that delight is remembering it even exists.
A host offers you a slice and you say, ‘oh, yes, pound cake. How nice.’
8/
One doesn’t dream of pound cake, no one’s gone on British Bake-off with a raft of pound cake recipes.
It’s the Nilla Wafer of cake.
It’s not offensive, but there’s no pound cake served at birthdays or weddings. There are no pound cake shops run by quirky awesome lesbians.
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It’s the Nilla Wafer of cake.
It’s not offensive, but there’s no pound cake served at birthdays or weddings. There are no pound cake shops run by quirky awesome lesbians.
9/
So she asks for the items, all is well, the seas are calm.
And then she asks him to get a pound cake and there’s a silence.
And he finally responds…
“Where do I go to get this?”
10/
And then she asks him to get a pound cake and there’s a silence.
And he finally responds…
“Where do I go to get this?”
10/
Now, I want to stress, I am no expert, but I don’t believe this is any sort of mental issue.
He simply didn’t know what a pound cake was or where to get such an exotic item.
And this lady, this good wife?
My friends.
She was PREPARED.
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He simply didn’t know what a pound cake was or where to get such an exotic item.
And this lady, this good wife?
My friends.
She was PREPARED.
11/
Whatever else is going on in their lovely relationship, our man was clearly not the one doing the shopping.
He simply had NO IDEA what a pound cake was. It was like she had asked him to pick up fissionable material at the laboratory.
POUND CAKE?
Is that LEGAL?
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He simply had NO IDEA what a pound cake was. It was like she had asked him to pick up fissionable material at the laboratory.
POUND CAKE?
Is that LEGAL?
12/
And she explains with infinite kindness, love and patience, what a pound cake is.
What it looks like, what it tastes like.
In detail.
They have strawberries, you see, and she would like to serve pound cake with it, which he totally gets, IN THEORY.
In practice however…
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What it looks like, what it tastes like.
In detail.
They have strawberries, you see, and she would like to serve pound cake with it, which he totally gets, IN THEORY.
In practice however…
13/
So, the baseline of pound cake knowledge on ONE side of the conversation is darn near zero. He knows it’s cake now, he knows it pairs with strawberries.
But the rest could be any nefarious collection of ingredients.
AND you might have to do a dungeon crawl to get it.
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But the rest could be any nefarious collection of ingredients.
AND you might have to do a dungeon crawl to get it.
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And god KNOWS what a pound cake actually LOOKS like.
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15/
And I will admit that at this point, I am only NOMINALLY EVEN PRETENDING to read my book, so fascinating is this entire pound cake saga. It’s quite likely upside down in my hands as I am hearing this phrase over and over…
“Pound cake.”
“POUND CAKE.”
16/
“Pound cake.”
“POUND CAKE.”
16/
Folks, I heard the words ‘pound cake’ more in that short conversation than I had in all the previous years of my life.
The phrase began to lose its meaning.
To the point where I started to doubt my OWN understanding of pound cake.
Was pound cake even a real THING?
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The phrase began to lose its meaning.
To the point where I started to doubt my OWN understanding of pound cake.
Was pound cake even a real THING?
17/
I has this scenario in my mind, I am not kidding, that pound cake was a code word for an elder god, and that these two lovely people were cultists in Pound Cake’s unholy service.
Pound Cake.
Do not seek Pound Cake.
Pound Cake comes for THEE.
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Pound Cake.
Do not seek Pound Cake.
Pound Cake comes for THEE.
18/
Not only that, but she described the local Safeway in terms of a treasure map any pirate would be proud to follow.
She explained the WHERE of the item with an uncannily vivid depiction, cartographers the world over would envy her clarity.
X marks the pound cake.
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She explained the WHERE of the item with an uncannily vivid depiction, cartographers the world over would envy her clarity.
X marks the pound cake.
19/
This whole conversation is making me smile not only because I LEGITIMATELY was starting to doubt if I knew what a pound cake was at this point, but because she never once showed a bit of impatience, only genuine affection.
He had a mission, and that mission was pound cake.
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He had a mission, and that mission was pound cake.
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And I have fancied an entire story about Pound Cake and how he eats villages and dances with lesser demons from other realms, all the while, the most wholesome couple on earth have the ONLY fascinating conversation about pound cake that has ever occurred.
21/
21/
And here is the capper.
Be prepared.
Gird your loins and steel your heart.
I almost cried, I kid you not.
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Be prepared.
Gird your loins and steel your heart.
I almost cried, I kid you not.
22/
She finally feels satisfied that he knows what the mysterious item is and in what dank cellar of the local Safeway he will find it.
And she says.
“I’ll see you when you get home, darling.”
And HE says…
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And she says.
“I’ll see you when you get home, darling.”
And HE says…
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With a big smile, remember, he’s just had surgery, he doesn’t know anyone is watching, his mouth is clearly still a little achy.
HE says…
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HE says…
24/
“I love you, darling.”
25/
25/
I swear.
Forget Romeo and Juliet.
Forget
You want epic romance?
Give me the man in the parking lot and his wife discussing pound cake after a dentist’s appointment.
“I love you, darling.”
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Forget Romeo and Juliet.
Forget
You want epic romance?
Give me the man in the parking lot and his wife discussing pound cake after a dentist’s appointment.
“I love you, darling.”
26/
Think of all the things we are told to covet in this life, all the possessions and milestones, all the transient things we think we can’t live without.
Think of the blowhards and bullies that take up SO much of our too-short lives.
What is of REAL value?
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Think of the blowhards and bullies that take up SO much of our too-short lives.
What is of REAL value?
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Everyone’s different, not everyone wants the same thing.
But if you are in your seventies, and someone answers when you pick up your phone, and tells you, ‘I love you, darling,’ and means it to the depths of their soul…
…you already have the best pound cake.
28/
But if you are in your seventies, and someone answers when you pick up your phone, and tells you, ‘I love you, darling,’ and means it to the depths of their soul…
…you already have the best pound cake.
28/
P.S. I hope they enjoyed their strawberries and pound cake.
I hope we ALL find our pound cake.
Have a lovely day, everyone.
Have a lovely day, everyone.
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