Are Scotland batting or bowling first?
Has Colin Hendry started on the bench?
Sarah's got one of these on. The usual Friday night hostility at Vine/Gove towers has really ramped up.
I'm wearing these
Come on the Toon
Jim Leighton looking solid between the sticks.
If the referee gives someone a booking, I'm planning on shouting at the television: 'Ref, you've got more cards than Clintons'.
I'd love to be asked to be in the Tartan Army.
Phil Foden looks like he could end an armed siege with some cans and fishing rods.
Uh oh, lineout
Sarah telling me off for putting on a Scottish accent when I'm drunk.
Let's face it, International football tournaments are all about the half time adverts. It's our superbowl. #kfc
If England bring on Phil Tufnell we're in trouble.
Qatar Airways. Great brand.
Scotland need to channel the spirit of Andrew Neil right now.

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More from @mikegove12

13 Jun
Bloody love watching Team GB in the football.
1-0 Utd. I'm worried if it stays like this it'll go to penalties.
Come on England, you've got 22 legs, use them.
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1 Jun
My mistress with a monster is in love.
Near to her close and consecrated bower,
While we were out of doors at drinking hour,
A crew of Tories, rude mechanicals,
That piled the dead upon spurious calls,

1/5
Were met together to rehearse a play,
Intended for the Tories’ judgement day.
The shallowest thick-skin of that barren sort,
Who PM as presented, in his sport
Forsook his last Queen and did Carrie take
When I did him at this advantage make,
An ass's nole I fixed on his head:
Anon his lusting must be answered,
And forth the mimic comes. When they him spy,
As tabloids that the creeping voters eye,
Or russet-pated lads, many in sort,
Rising and cawing at the Sun's report,
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7 Apr
This is a celebratory fire.
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1 Apr
Iagove reflects:

"Thus do we ever make you fools our purse:
For Tories own gain'd knowledge should profane,
If we would time expend with plebians.
But for my sport and profit. I hate you all:

1/4
And it is thought abroad, our sick elites
Are but leeching sophists: I know that it be true;
For I know men of Eton in that kind,
Who never parted puberty. They hold you low;
The better shall their purpose work on you.
Boris’s a shag-worn man: let me see now:
To get his place and to plume up my will
In double knavery--How, how? Let's see --
After some time, to abuse politicos’ ears
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He hath a hundred thousand dead disposed;
Would they reflect it?
Read 4 tweets
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I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of rotting daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Browning and dying in the breeze.

1/4
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Shrivelled there dead in flyblown dance.
Flag wavers with them danced; but they
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A Leaver could not but be gay,
In such festering company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
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My interview with Donald Trump. A memory:

When I arrived in his office he pointed at a small pile of cocaine on his desk. I was horrified. A British guest should never impose like that.

"No thanks, I've brought my own." I said.
He grabbed my crotch.

"So, is that a B17 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me Jeff?"

"Mike." I corrected. "And its an erection." You could feel the electricity in the room.

Not wanting to be too forward but fully aware the special relationship needed maintaining,
I asked if I could massage his shoulders. He agreed.

"Do you think your incessant debasement of standards, associations with racists and paedophiles, and utter unsuitability for presidency, will have a negative effect on American politics?"

He passed me the Kentucky Bourbon
Read 5 tweets

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