Thread by @jspujji

This is the most successful thing I've ever done.

And it is not directly tied to Business/Entrepreneurship.

If you are a new/expecting parent, it will change your life.

🧵 about how to get your newborn 👶🏾 to sleep through the night by 4 mo old without cry it out or coddling

Some background: when @tweepika and I were fam planning, we met a lot of young parents. We asked questions, listened, observed and learned.

It seemed parental happiness was directly correlated with:
+ how well their baby slept
+ Childcare
+ Alignment with spouse.

Regarding baby sleep (topic of this thread), we were told there are only two approaches, either:

A) At 6 mos old, "cry it out" - put baby in crib at 7pm and don't return until 7am regardless of their cries (there are modified versions)

or

B) Wake up at night for as long as they need (years) to comfort/soothe, eventually they will sleep through the night.

Like most things in parenting, there is no "right" answer here and every parent does their best + whats best for their fam.

But neither option fit us...

As a "defiant" entrepreneur, I thought "there must be another way!" Surely I can solve this problem.

Turns out, there is. And I did.

And based on my 2 kids + 100+ friends who have used it, its the most successful thing I've ever done!

And here it is...

1) Teaching "falling" and "connecting"

Babies know how to sleep. What they don't know: how to "fall" asleep and how to "connect" sleep cycles.

Let's be clear: NO ONE sleeps through the night. Last night, me/you woke up every 90 mins. But we are experts at going back to sleep

Babies, on the other hand, wake up every 45 minutes and are beginners. They do not know how to fall asleep or put themselves back to sleep.

Once they do, they sleep through the night!

Teaching them this with patience, consistency and love is the key..

Well intentioned parents often do the opposite: they teach the baby to rely on the parent to fall/go back to sleep.

Minimizing this as a philosophy is the first step.

2) Awake time

The most impt and most counterintuitive thing. Newborns should NOT be awake longer than 60 mins at a time (+15 mins for every month they are alive)

Here's why: Adrenaline.

Remember that time you did an all nighter and got your "2nd wind" at 3am?

That was your body giving you a shot of adrenaline because it thinks: "this person is still awake, they must be in a fight/flight situation!" It gave you a wired/alert feeling.

This happens to a newborn after 60+ mins of being awake!

And once they are "wired", they are more..

..irritable and harder to calm to sleep.

If you pay attention, they show signs of being ready to sleep around 45 mins (slowing activity, eyes heavy).

If they yawn, that's code yellow (you are a lil late). If they are giddy/hyper, that's code red! In either case, Sleep ASAP!

They may be hard to get down that time.
Don't beat yourself up but be ready for next time.

"Sleep begets sleep" is my mantra. Anytime you are having issues with night time sleep, start with awake time.

More sleep compounds into better sleep. Too much wake time does the same.

3) The 5 Ss - Swaddling, sucking, side, swing, Shush.

The goal of all these is to replicate the feeling of the womb. This calms baby and makes it easier for them to fall asleep.

Watch the happiest baby on the block. Practice and learn these. Ask your parents to do the same.

Further breakdown:

Swaddle - make it extra tight or double it. I like velcro + a thin blanket. This can't be too tight (remember they are used to the womb!). Take it off when they are awake.

Suck - use a paci but only at sleep time. Both our kids dropped it by 1 and 3.

Side/Swing - this works great to calm the baby. It's in the video.

Shush - LOUD white noise. The womb is the sound of a vacuum! Recc the app "sound sleeper" start with hair dryer, ipod touch wired to a speaker. Then rain at month 4.

4) The "Pause" - this is from the book "bringing up bebe"

Starting Day 1, give yourself and the baby 10-30 second before responding/picking them up. Take a breathe, wake up, look at them.

Do they really need you? are their eyes open? This can be tough but pays dividends.

Grow the time of this as they get older. Experiment. The first time they reconnect their sleep cycle is a HUGE WIN!

Parents inadvertently create a reliance on themselves by over responding. Slow down response times and the baby will learn quickly.

5) Routine + Early bedtime.

Start by 6pm (babies less fussy and already tired, they are morning people). Bath, songs, lullaby, pajamas, massage. Anything to signal: its time for bed.

Soothe them, rock, calm, feed and then..

Put the baby down awake but drowsy so they can do the last part of falling asleep.

Put them to bed less and less drowsy as they grow so they learn to fall asleep on their own.

Routines rock - our kids are 6 and 4 & never push back on bedtime. It just "what we do."

6) The wonder weeks - get this app/book.

8-9 times in the first few years of life, baby goes through huge brain development cycles. App tracks em!

No matter what, these will be tough weeks. Prepare for them and bring your best!

But don't abandon these practices.

7) The big "moment!"

At around 4 months, your routine should be 7pm bedtime, 11pm dreamfeed (google it) baby wakes around 2-3am for feeding, then up for day 6-7am. This means they are connecting sleep cycles.

Drop dreamfeed first and see if baby sleeps 7p-2a

If they do, after 1-2 weeks: Dad goes in at 2am with no food/bottle. Soothe the baby back to sleep. If they wake up again before 6am, feed them.

If not, feed baby in the morning. Most babies (w dr guidance) don't need food anymore at 2am. But they'll take it.

After 3-5 days, baby is now usually sleeping from 7p-6am. You're homefree!

Less feeding may seem hard but rem: if someone gave you pizza at 2am, you'd eat it. You don't need it. Caveat talk to your dr this.

Its important Dad goes in bc baby smells milk on mom.

My sources:
Books - the good sleeper, bringing up bebe, the new basics, wonder weeks
Lots of googling: "Nap schedule for x mo old, dreamfeed"
Video - Happiest baby on block. Also check out snoo
Apps - Wonder Weeks, what to expect, Sound sleeper

And one last gift...

In my entrepreneurial zeal, I tracked down the professor who did a study getting 100% of babies to sleep thru the night! I attached it above - thanks Dr. Birch!!

If you enjoyed this, follow me @jspujji for learnings on entrepreneurship, dtc, growth marketing and... parenting!