Thread by @ResilienttHuman

9 Psychological Techniques to Manage Anger

( Your keys to better Better Moods, Better Health, Better Relationships, and Better Job Performance )

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Anger management is a lie.

You can never control your anger - or any other emotions.

But you can learn to accept it.

And you can learn to manage your thoughts and actions when you are angry.

So here are 9 psychologists recommended techniques that help you do so:

1. Stop Letting Anger Surprise You

Start tracking your anger.

Whenever you are angry, find out the 4 Ws:

- Who was it?
- What happened?
- When did it happen?
- Where did it happen?

Study the patterns that emerge.

You will never be caught off-guard.

2. Validate your Anger

Your anger is not a sign of weakness or moral failing.

Take a second to acknowledge it.

Tell yourself that it makes sense.

Tell yourself it's okay to feel angry even if you'd rather that it goes away.

3. See what's Lurking Behind Your Anger

Anger distracts you from the quieter emotions like:
- worry
- sadness
- disappointment

Stop finding solace in your anger.

You are running away from the real problem.

And you are ruining your health, work, and relationships.

4. Learn the Nuances in Your Anger

Anger has a lot of nuances:

- Rage - Blind, intense anger
- Resentment - Less intense, but sticky.
- Frustration - Mild anger from results not matching expectations

Understand your anger.

It puts you in a reflective state of mind.

5. Stop Ruminating

"Things don’t change how we feel. How we think about things does."

Do you ruminate when you're angry?

Change the pattern of your thoughts.

The fire of anger fades away quickly without the oxygen of rumination.

Learn about mental models (aff).

gumroad.com/a/86709363/Axf…

Give your mind a scaffolding to organize your thoughts.

Anger will have a much harder time influencing your actions.

6. Manage your Aggression

Anger is an emotion.

Aggression is a decision.

Aggression is not just punching people on their noses.

It can also be as subtle as aggressive speech or aggressive thoughts.

You cant control your anger.

But you can control your aggression.

7. Postpone Dealing with It

When angry, tell yourself that you will address the issue - but not right now.

Come back to it later when you are in a better frame of mind.

But don't postpone it forever.

Make a concrete plan of when and how you are going to confront the issue.

8. Write down your Anger

When you're angry get a pen and a piece of paper.

Write everything down.

The advantages:
- You feel active
- Your anger loses its edge
- You remember exactly what happened.

Writing it down is the best way to deal with intense anger.

9. Choose Delayed Gratification

Acting out of anger is instant gratification.

- You feel strong.
- You feel righteous.
- You feel in control.

But it ruins you.

So take a pause.

Think about what's best for you.

The urge to act out impulsively will subside.

TL;DR

- Don't let anger surprise you
- Validate your anger
- Find out what's lurking behind your anger
- Learn the Nuances in Your Anger
- Change your thoughts
- Manage your aggression
- Get a rain check on your anger
- Write down your anger
- Choose delayed gratification

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