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your friend myk Profile picture
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5 Jul, 8 tweets, 1 min read
The “clinically depressed” to “undiagnosed autistic” pipeline.
The “uncomfortable at gendered assumptions” to “not cis” pipeline.
The “chronically late and unorganized” to “adhd activist” pipeline.
The "pleasure to have in class" to "help I am only motivated by anxiety and fear" pipeline.
The "view source" to "career in tech" pipeline. [Decommissioned]
The "excuse me for existing" to "get the fuck out of my way" pipeline is real, for those lucky enough to find it.
The "stunningly well-behaved child" to "CPTSD train wreck" pipeline.
(for everyone lolsobbing at this, here's a thread of advice for recognizing and addressing CPTSD in your own life, with resources: )

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More from @mykola

your friend myk Profile picture
7 Jul
Being autistic is seeing the blue-and-black dress when literally everyone around you insists it’s gold and white.

You either lose yourself in the pressure to give up your own perspective or you lose the shared experience of connecting to others, who think you’re nuts.
Note in the PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL LITERATURE about autism that @AnnMemmott constantly reviews the doctors take “seeing the dress as black and blue” as pathological, paranoid, not rooted in reality.

These are the people who train the people we rely on for support.
In this metaphor, some autistic people are able to see the white and gold dress too, with effort.

Very few allistics anywhere ever put in the effort to see the black and blue dress.

“Masking” is when those of us who can see both pretend to agree its white and gold all the time.
Read 4 tweets
your friend myk Profile picture
7 Jul
Also: no neurotypical person in history could have written Finnegans Wake, it's just not even conceivable.
Do you know about the Wake, as its known among its scholars?

The book begins in the middle of a sentence: "riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend
of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs."
The book ends in the middle of a sentence. Are they the same sentence? Yes and no. The book is about loops, iterations, archetypes, shapes. It's the story of a family, but they're not really explicitly described. They show up in dreams, as anagrams, as snatches of character.
Read 20 tweets
your friend myk Profile picture
7 Jul
Suspicion: autistic people are particularly susceptible to religious trauma, because to us the hellfire and damnation is real af and we are USED to being rejected.

It leads to a weird, bleak nihilism to be told god loves you so much he’s going to torture for eternity.
(This is part of why I'm sure that James Joyce was ND, probably autistic. Large parts of Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man are about living with a visceral fear of hell, and about how ultimately it's not sustainable for our kinds of brains.)
This ultimately leads to the sickest burn in modernist literature. Stephen Daedalus, at the end of the book, confesses to a friend that he's lost his faith.

"You mean you've become a Protestant?!"

"I said I've lost my faith, not my reason!" comes the retort, and I laughed hard.
Read 6 tweets
your friend myk Profile picture
5 Jul
CPTSD happens when you feel _unsafe_ for a sustained period.

Your parents don't have to have been abusive monsters, you just needed something that scared you in your life and around which you felt the need to be careful.

Growing up like that can give you CPTSD, which is hell.
Were you bullied in school?

Were you not believed about something that scared or hurt you?

Did you feel the need to behave perfectly to earn your parents love?

Did you have a teacher that just insisted you were a bad kid when you weren't?

These can all lead to CPTSD, I think.
How do you know if you have CPTSD?

One easy way is that you're terrified of abandonment and rejection, because you learned that your entire value as a person was based on being accepted by someone who didn't accept you unconditionally.

Heal this by reparenting yourself.
Read 12 tweets
your friend myk Profile picture
5 Jul
If you want to make mad money and have no attachment to what you’re building, be a contractor.

If you want camaraderie and ongoing interesting problems in the same domain, take a salary.

In both cases don’t work for most companies.
When contracting, you want to work for a place that uses a lot of contractors and understands the budget. Don’t do one-off work for mom-and-pop shops that will contest every nickel, set a day rate or week rate with a big co and go.
When taking a salary, you want a place that takes its values seriously and really prioritizes the well-being of its staff. My last job was like that when I worked there, but new leadership started killing benefits and being dishonest about it etc.
Read 10 tweets
your friend myk Profile picture
3 Jul
You’re the main character, but you’re also the story.

The story is the main character in a story about itself, which is itself.

See?

What kind of story are you?
This is kind of what therapy helps with. Talk therapy is about telling your story over and over until the contradictions and compromises fall out.

In a very real way, getting your life together is a question of getting your story straight.
We are narrative animals. It’s the fundamental truth of our nature that we exist as characters within stories that exist within the confabulator running on our brain hardware.

No wonder we get confused! Reality is virtual, and those dynamics are non-obvious!
Read 4 tweets

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