In less than a month I'm moving to start my new postdoc. And I'm just not ready to be visibly disabled in public again. For years I struggled with my cane and my neck brace and the unrelenting stares and nosy questions of strangers. 1/7
During the pandemic I could brace at home without the weight of those looks. I could accommodate myself well enough that I didn't need my cane and I could rest my hypermobile joints more throughout the workday. 2/7
It is crushing to be stared at all the time when you're in public. And I know people don't even realize they're doing it, but it makes me feel so unsafe. As a woman, I already feel unsafe in the wider world. But my mobility devices add another layer of paranoia. 3/7
When people stare I have to think about what the weight of that gaze says. I have to keep in mind that I cant easily get away from someone with bad intentions. When men catcall it compounds another layer of unease. 4/7
No person should be made to feel unsafe in public. I constantly feel that way. And I constantly have to renegotiate the ways that women are told to protect themselves. I cant take a self defense class bc I can't find one adapted for disabled individuals. 5/7
I can't keep my keys in one hand while also juggling a work bag and a cane. I can't rush home. I can't take a different route every day, I need to shoot for the shortest one. It's exhausting and overwhelming and I thought I'd get better at negotiating these fears over time. 6/7
But they are very much still there. And that is hugely disappointing and exhausting. Another layer of labor and worry to add to the neverending list. All because able bodied people can't stop staring. 7/7 #DisabilityTwitter
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