Thread by @subomiplumptre

Some of you don't know that I used to be a "jimjim" Christian. I prayed for two hours everyday and would dry fast till sores formed in my mouth. I even went through a phase of covering my hair. 🧵

Sleep didn't come easy because I would eat infrequently. My mother pleaded with me to eat. I would pray in the toilet, because when you live with seven other people, there are limitations of privacy.

One day, I just stopped. I think there's something in me that's programmed against suffering. Anyway I'd had enough of being afraid of God. I didn't want a "God" anymore. I wanted a friend. A person. I desired a relationship and wasn't looking forward to a lifetime of asceticism.

Today, I was reminded of that phase of my life. I also recalled something else.

A few years ago, a minister was invited to speak in my church. It was one of the famous faith preachers I grew up with. My skin crawled as he started to reel out the formulaic Christian life I had rejected, years ago.

It was like someone was attempting to remind me of an abusive relationship I had been delivered from. No way, José!

Paul's letter to the Galatians is a must-read for every Christian. It documents the constant tension between grace and works; between relationship-based and rules-based Christianity.

Relationship-based Christianity is firmly enshrined in the principle of free-will and personal expression. It's impossible to have a thriving relationship without them.

Many times, we feel unworthy as Christians, because we are not doing things the way other Christians do stuff. We don't like what they like and have our own style.

In a communal society like Nigeria, things are even worse. We have a deep seated mistrust of those who don't toe the group line; who don't conform. But it's okay to be different.

There is communal worship and then, there is the more crucial personal relationship with God. EVERYTHING starts there. EVERYTHING flows from there. And in that respect, God is truly omnipresent.

As God is engaging in an independent relationship with you, he's also having a simultaneous one with someone else in Ukraine or Uganda. Your relationship with him is unique, beautiful, glorious and ever evolving.

Now, back to my "jimjim" reference. I no longer pray for two hours at a stretch, but I pray all the time. I just didn't notice. I never appreciated it because it didn't look like "prayer".

I'm always talking to God. He's a big part of my day. We have morning and evening check-ins where I'm genuinely interested in what he's working on and what's important to him at the moment.

And then, there's my weekly business meeting with him, which ironically is what others call Prayer of Petition.

I really like my current walk with God and would never swap it for scripted religion. It somehow works for me and that's enough.

PS: I would like to add a few important thoughts.

Two critical features of relationship are free-will and independent expression. Until you intimately understand this, you will never "get" Christianity. It is God in independent retail relationships with individuals within a larger familial structure.

Many do not like this because it strips them of control over others. No matter how much you love children or seek to protect them, you cannot "control" them indefinitely.

Control is a misnomer for Christian leaders. They are stewards. The Chief Shepherd is Christ.

Christianity must be experienced. It can't be so finely curated and the diet so carefully selected, that individuals fail to have personal relationships with Christ.

Our fear of error sometimes speak to a lack of trust in the Chief Shepherd and in his children. At some point, children must be allowed to make their own mistakes and learn.

On the issue of prayer, I have found that some Christians fail to grasp the concept of faith and the place of personality in prayer. So we associate thunderous vocalizations with efficacy of prayer. If it's not emotional, it's not sincere. If it's not lengthy, it's not serious.

The more wicked among us secretly wish for evil to befall some Christians, so they will learn how to do "spiritual warfare" properly. We say, "When trouble comes, they will know how to shout and deal with the devil."

They forget that just like sex, some scream and shout their orgasm. Others come quietly.

Some need massive waves to generate energy. Others need a small amount of uranium. Perhaps that's why Jesus said a mustard seed size of faith is just about enough.

Some fast every week. Others celebrate the bridegroom always, and are actually instructed when and when not to abstain. Some come to God with long-winded speeches. Others simply speak a word.

This individual expression of faith is absolutely beautiful and I am in awe of the wonder of it.

More thoughts: If you are a works-based Christian, you will get what you want. This is because of the principle of faith. Remember, Jesus spoke about the man who speaks to the mountain without doubt. The mountain will move.

Demons will tremble. You will find the prosperity and deliverance you seek. But you might miss out on the one thing that matters most - intimacy with God.

And like the story of the sheep and goats, you will surely have done all those things in Jesus' name, but he won't know you.

It's like the corporate executive who achieves his/her ambition but loses their relationship with a spouse.

There is one who spends many days and much effort wrestling for an answer. Then, there is the unassuming son who in utmost trusts asks his Father for help.

There is Elisha and there is David. There is Paul and there is John the beloved. Different biblical archetypes. Different roles. Different expressions. Independent relationships. One body.

More thoughts: In a relationship, you are free to explore distinctive styles and expressions. Therefore, I have a reservation about the use of "balance" in Christian conversations.

While I understand it academically and how it's applied to young Christians, I am usually reserved about it because, it is sometimes used to strip people of colour and expression. It is used to fit and align people.

It's like you can ask questions but don't ask too many questions or else you will be deemed heretical and a backslider.

A curious question you should chew on honestly - remember how David was deemed mad for eating the shewbread and breaking protocol? If one day, you realized you could subdue your flesh without fasting, would you still consider fasting necessary?

Would your immediate response be, anything else is blasphemous! Or but that's what the Bible says. Hmmmn. Did the Law not say the shewbread shouldn't be eaten too? I'm just trying to make you think.

So, consider the question academically. It is these lines of enquiry I am constantly engaged in.

I wonder what greater works than Jesus I am supposed to do, if I am still required to leak pools of blood in agonizing prayer?

I wonder why those who have the bridegroom aren't required to fast and what Jesus giving us the Holy Spirit means, in terms of dynamic instructions?

I am wondering about culture - how things we consider normal in Nigeria may be nothing in Asia. These are the questions that consume me, not religion.

I strongly suspect, a lot of the Christian "processes" we are engaged in are meant to inspire faith. Works help our faith.

Just like the Babalawo asks people to look for white cat & spotted ram or to sleep with "mad" people....the act of doing those difficult things creates faith for the Babalawo's juju to work. Those things are actually nothing in themselves.

Now for the one who finds faith in a person - Jesus - and in a living, thriving relationship, would they need tokens and processes to produce the same faith? I think about these kinds of things all the time.

Perhaps the real lesson is to understand why we do things in Christianity, instead of mindlessly doing them. To see everything as an extension of relationship and not as work to be done so we can earn approval or stave off judgment