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Jesse McLaren Profile picture
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23 Jul, 3 tweets, 1 min read
Imagine this was an epidemic of people sticking their dicks in light sockets. Electrical grids are fried. Dick-born electrical fires kill thousands. Hospitals at capacity from penis burns. Businesses shut down. And everyone’s like “Please, don’t talk down to the socket fuckers.”
FOX NEWS: The left is trying to tell people which parts of THEIR body they can’t put in which THEIR lamps- this is about control folks.
BREAKING: Nations Socket Fuckers Refusing To Follow CDC Suggestion Of Unplugging Lamp Before Fucking Socket

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More from @McJesse

Jesse McLaren Profile picture
7 Oct 20
I was a PA on The Apprentice which feels like saying “I went to art school with Hitler”.
To be honest, it was the least amount work I’ve ever had on a job, because I was assigned to “Team Trump.”
Every cast member had a team consisting of camera, audio, asst camera, and PA, who handled releases. I was that for Trump’s team.
Read 6 tweets
Jesse McLaren Profile picture
21 Mar 20
I've decided to calculate exactly how long after their excellent adventure with Bill and Ted each historical figure died a horrific death. Here are the results. <1/?>
After having a most excellent time with Bill and Ted, Billy the Kid was returned back to New Mexico in the year 1879. 2 years later he was shot in the chest at the age of 22.
Socrates, seen here gliding on his stomach at the San Dimas Mall, died 11 years later after drinking poison.
Read 9 tweets
Jesse McLaren Profile picture
20 Dec 17
Oh no! Your Star Wars had some “inconsistencies”? So sad.

Listen here motherfucker. I saw Episode 1-3 in theaters. I sat through shit you couldn’t imagine. Jar-Jar Binks. BackFlipping Yoda. Midichloreans. Space diners. That’s right, a FUCKING SPACE DINER. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE-
No, this isn’t a screenshot from a 1998 PC game that came in a cereal box. This shit was what I had to sit through. You get beautiful, imaginative fight sequences on salt sprinkled red planets. I got space diner. Go fuck yourself.
Aww, you didn’t get enough Luke Skywalker as you wanted??? So sad! You bastards, I sat through 9 hours spread out over the better part of a decade to see Darth Vader and when he finally showed up he basically only said one word.
Read 8 tweets

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