Thread by @greeneniigma

imo there is a major difference between male and female socialization. and no, it’s not based on wether you were AFAB or AMAB.
both of these ideas, of how one should behave as a certain gender, are out there. we learn both of them, no matter what gender we are.

but it’s more complicated.
in order to be socialized as a male, you need to actively participate. you are expected to show an assertive masculinity, in an active process.
if you’re not a cis man, this “male socialization” won’t affect you the same way it affects a cis man.

for them, it’s something they actively take part in. they learn to imitate cis men around them. learn to use their masculinity (gender, not expression) to enforce their own words on people around them.
but people who aren’t cis men often can’t access that toxic masculinity.

they are not men. they don’t think like men. they are shamed for who they are and constantly pushed into being a man, or rejected for not behaving in the expected way. it is a constant push and pull game.
at the same time, female socialization affects transfemme people.

the ideas are out there and we don’t live in a vacuum. all the ideas of how a woman should be like, behave like, and feel like will affect a transfemme person. they will be internalized and will hurt the process of realizing their own relationship with womanhood and femininity.

female socialization is a passive process. you don’t have to try to be a “superior female” to earn the socialization, unlike the male version. you aren’t pushed out for not conforming. in fact, you’re pushed in even more for thinking you can be something other than a woman.

in the patriarchal society, being a woman is weak. you, as the “weak gender”, cannot possibly ascend to the “better gender”. so transmasc people are often pushed into being women. they internalize misogyny the same way women do. but they also internalize male socialization.

transmasc people aren’t expected to be men. the things they learn about being a man from male socialization is in the subconscious, gradually making them adopt toxic cis male behaviors to be accepted as men/n-b as they begin to realize their transness.

overall:
- both of these are learnt by ALL people.
- female socialization is passive, and if you’re not a cis man, it will affect your behavior.
- male socialization is active. it affects cis men and almost all transmasc people, but in different ways.

as always, these experiences don’t define or dictate your gender. they are just a tool to better understand oneself and try to unlearn the toxic parts.

and these are just personal opinions. if you have different views, please share without hostility.