1. Not everyone desires to get married (which is okay) but if you do,please make sure that it is a decision that you make with discernment. Make sure that it is a decision you make with your inner and outer eyes wide open. Make sure that it is a decision you pray fervently about
2. (if you believe in a Supreme power).
I think it is one of the most decisions you have to make in your life that can make or mar you. Why handle with kid gloves? Scrutinize everything possible. Then ask for divine mercy and grace from the Almighty.
3. Down to the genealogy of your kids. My father has been dead for almost 20 years, yet my sister who never knew him is the one most like him in character.
In Islam, marriage makes up half of your deen (faith) itself so it is an institution that is considered important.
4. While divorce is not forbidden, it is abhorred by Allah and that is why you see that it must be pronounced thrice within a certain period for it to be valid. Just to give room for reconciliation.
I met TJ through my best friend at a time when marriage was the furthest from
5. my mind. However, I have always been an 'omo odo agba'. I grew up pretty fast after the grim reaper snatched my dad. My dad taught me about self love and never to settle for relationships where I was being treated poorly. I had a good idea of what I wanted in a spouse.
6. I actually had a book where I wrote the pros and cons of TJ. I then looked out for things that were my absolute deal-breakers.
Pros - Kindness, a praying man, a man from a good family, a family that made me feel like a daughter, aesthetically appealing 😁, love on both sides,
7. most importantly....someone that would not stifle me. Someone that would not truncate my dreams and aspirations. Someone who also had high dreams for himself and was not complacent or mediocre.
One of my fears about marriage was losing myself and becoming an unrecognizable
8. version of me. Looked out for all these. In the spoken and unspoken words and actions.
Cons - The man cannot cook anything (Still waiting for my breakfast in bed). O de stubborn pa 😁.
But you know the beautiful thing?
9. I always see that he wants to be a better version of himself (as I always try to be for him) especially in the way I want to be loved.The stubbornness has fizzled out and he has made indomie and also plantain and egg for me once😁
Deal breakers- Honestly, he had none of them.
10. None. Because if I had seen any, I wouldn't even be here.
They call marriage a black market but sometimes, I think we don't give it the scrutiny it deserves before going into it. Sometimes, the signs are there screaming at us, but we refuse to listen.
11. Be not blinded by love to the point where you close your eyes to the signs showing themselves to you. That heady feeling you get when they look at you cannot sustain the union if all other things are deficient.
You are intentional about passing your exams.
12. Be intentional about one of the most important decisions you have to make in your life. And pray HARD about it. Pray for grace, divine mercy and favor. And even if things go south, you'll know you played your part.
13. Tajudeen Olufadi - I recall that day when you called me in 2010. "Hi, my name is Tajudeen Olufadi." Just like yesterday. I didn't know I was waiting for that phone call. You were custom made for me from Allah. The ying to my yang.
14. Thank you for peace above all things. You know every every❤❤❤.
May Allah SWT bless you with the best of this life and the hereafter
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1. "Likeability is overrated." What do you understand by that statement? I have come to realize a lot of people use the statement and don't know that it has a deeper meaning. Many have used this statement as an excuse to cultivate an attitude that smells more than a he-goat.
2. Likeability is overrated applies to sycophancy and what we colloquially call 'opthalmology' in medicine. The former refers to empty hailing where people are praising you for 'iwa palapala' probably because you have money or power while the latter refers to a case where
3. you are trying to suck up to people to get favors from people. Or where you're doing things simply for the applause.
So when they say Likeability is overrated, it means you're not doing what you're doing because of sycophants or ophthalmology or applause.
1. "I think my life is boring. My marriage doesn't excite me. We don't even 'vibe' like before. I don't love you anymore. The fire is all gone."
Most times, what you call boring is the normal nature of life. What you call mundane is peace surrounding you.
2. And if you find that complacency has entered the relationship and you're beginning to take each other for granted, do something about it. And that something involves communication and reviving the fire. Not seeking for what is not lost out there.
3. The real 'ise esu' is when this period comes in your relationship and you are then tested with someone around you that looks like what you're missing in your relationship. That 20% you think is lacking. The real 'ise esu' is when you allow that handshake to pass the elbow.
1. Monday morning 'sermon'
I was talking to my aburo yesterday and I said something with a sexual undertone. She was like, "ha, Dr. Gold!!😳😳"
I was like, "dakun, do you think these two kids were manna from heaven? God no go shame us fa aburo. All these things are important😁"
2. Which brings me to the question for the week especially for my Muslim sisters. I hope you know that except it is expressly forbidden, your bodies are yours to explore as you like? It is part of spirituality to please yourselves. Infact, you are doing the Lord's work
3. when you do everything pleasurable and not haram with your spouse.
And to the brothers...sister wa is not porcelain. She's not fragile even though she's dainty. Ask what she wants and likes. Tell her what you want, and go on to "bend it like Beckham" for yourselves.
1. Sometimes, ask your spouse these questions with an open non-judgmental mind without being defensive. And listen. Not to respond or find faults but listen with a mind that wants to do better.
"How can I make my relationship with you better?"
2. "Is there anything I can do to improve our relationship at my end?"
"Do I make you happy?"
"Am I holding my end of the relationship well?"
"Is there something I am doing that you'd like me to stop?"
Don't just assume. Ask. You may be surprised at the answers.
3. Sometimes, life gets to us and we forget the most important people in our life and complacency enters the equation. We then start to take our relationships for granted. Before you know it, you're losing each other gradually and becoming flatmates in the relationship.
1. A jurawalo, tìjàkadí kó. This loosely translates that there are people who have more power and clout because of either their pedigree or position. Stop fighting it and stop deceiving yourself. It doesn't mean they're better than you as humans.
2. It is just what it is that they can open doors that you cannot. Sometimes, life then brings you close to some of these powerful people where you would have gained a lot or that may have helped you to advance in life.
3. Some don't recognize such advantage or access or even worse still, they mess it all up. Either with youthful exuberance or sheer silliness. Such opportunities don't come often. If these people have brought you close and are also kind to you,