Thread by @s_r_constantin

There’s a mode of social interaction that I really miss, and that’s “high volume/density, low expectations.”

Small talk is “low volume/density, low expectations”. You don’t expect much from it, but you also don’t spend much time or energy on it. Low information content, safe but not that fun.

An important work meeting is “low volume/density, high expectations.” You’re trying to keep it brief to respect everyone’s time. And there are high expectations that everything you say is civil, accurate, relevant, useful, non-obvious, etc.

There are also high expectations around *who* is in the meeting (only relevant people) and what you do after the meeting (follow through on action items.)

Little talk, all of it with weighty consequences.

High volume/density, high expectations might be an in-depth heart-to-heart with a loved one, or an academic debate. A lot of communication happens, and it’s all expected to happen between people who share commitments that extend beyond the conversation.

There are expectations around who is included in the conversation (people in close relationships, qualified experts), how they engage (with full attention, often in person, with empathy and/or intellectual rigor)

These conversations can be meaningful but they’re hard to get started with; you need to have the close relationship or the expertise already. And there’s a risk that you won’t meet the expectations the other party has for a good friend or family member or colleague.

High volume/low expectations is a thing I’ve seen on some mailing lists, blog comments sections, Discords, forums, etc. Twitter has it sometimes but it feels like it’s declining.

There’s people who spend a lot of time chatting in the space. They’re “online friends” — they may never meet in any other context. They aren’t trying to parlay their chats into careers or “get something done.”

There’s a fair amount of “mess” — silly posts, heated or even hostile arguments. It doesn’t feel like you have to compose the perfect post, or always be right, or be perfectly decorous.

On the other hand, there are smart, interesting people posting too. You feel a pull to engage, not just “ugh everyone here is an idiot, why even bother.”

There’s both “this doesn’t matter, it’s just playtime” (so there’s no pressure) and “this is addictive/fun, i’m invested” (so you get in depth into discussions, research to resolve debates, care enough to show up.)

You can start as a casual user and get sucked in.

There’s no social pressure to “keep it light” (as with small talk) or to “take it seriously” (as with professional or relationship conversations.)

One failure mode I’ve often gotten into is assuming people are being casual/not-trying-too-hard when actually they take the conversation VERY seriously and are just (to my mind) not that good at intellectual rigor?

So I act like “ok we’re in playtime mode, I’m just here to hang out” and they’re like “no! not like that! This is serious business!” and I’m thinking “well dude if it were serious you’d need to be…better”

I think most people want too high a degree of seriousness/commitment/officialness per unit of casual/playful thinking-out-loud.

There’s such a thing as “good crap” — mostly wrong or trivial, almost entirely impossible to monetize or implement, but still adding up to a nontrivial amount of knowledge/skill.

Like, the way old-school space blog readers are mostly not good enough to actually build rockets that go into orbit, but know way more about what is and isn’t viable for space travel than, say, me.

For optimum fun, you want people to feel *drawn* to make interesting/insightful comments, but not feel *obligated* to do so.

You want capacity/motivation >> perceived pressure/standards.

The ideal vibe is something like

You have four of the greatest musicians in the world goofing off backstage. They are capable of peak performance, but right now, they're off duty. Mehta sounds terrible...because he's playing Perlman's violin, one-handed.

For a fun hangout space, you want people to be in their sloppy "comfort zone", not straining to their utmost for perfection. But you want people whose "comfort zone" is actually interesting.

Too much expectation to "keep it light" or "keep it casual" is actually inhibiting in a different way -- it doesn't feel safe to share your enthusiasm or creativity.

And of course this is highly personal. One person may feel "pressure to keep up with overwhelmingly technical detail" where another feels "fun casual geeking out about my favorite things."

"lightness" or "casualness" is not caring very much, rationing your energy, staying out of it.

"seriousness" is commitment, weight, promises, expectations.

fun is a third thing. it's like falling in love. being drawn in.

casual: "I don't feel like it, so I won't."
serious: "I don't feel like it, but I still have to do it."
fun: "I DO feel like it."

I think most big successful projects are done in serious mode. Is there a reason beyond "it feels good" to aim for fun rather than seriousness? I'm genuinely not sure. Possibly fun makes it more motivating to get started on things that sometimes turn serious?

From a purely hedonist perspective, "fun" mode feels better than "casual" mode unless you are physically exhausted. I'm pretty sure people (and animals!) enjoy engaging activity (mental or physical) more than total inactivity.