Satan was sitting at the gates of Hell when an old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused. The devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.
“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”
The Devil nodded apologetically. He was used to it. Most people said words to this effect when they arrived at Hell.
The Devil nodded apologetically. He was used to it. Most people said words to this effect when they arrived at Hell.
“Why don’t you start with how you died & we’ll figure it out,” he said.
The old man sighed & said:
“Well, I was out with my grandchildren. I don’t get them often because my eyesight’s going. But we were having the most wonderful time. And that’s when everything went crazy!”
The old man sighed & said:
“Well, I was out with my grandchildren. I don’t get them often because my eyesight’s going. But we were having the most wonderful time. And that’s when everything went crazy!”
“Out of nowhere, I spotted the largest, most grotesque mouse I’ve ever seen moving towards us. It was moving towards the grandchildren. You don’t know where mice have been – what if it bit one of them? Can you imagine if they got rabies on my watch?”
The devil was entranced as he munched a box of popcorn. “So what did you do?” he whispered.
The old man continued,
“You don’t get how big this mouse was! Radiation, it must’ve been. Too many phones these days, that’s what causes it.
The old man continued,
“You don’t get how big this mouse was! Radiation, it must’ve been. Too many phones these days, that’s what causes it.
“I did the only thing I could! I grabbed my walking stick and I cracked it over the head. Now my eye sight isn’t that good anymore, but I whacked it good.
The kids started screaming at this point. You know how they get when you have to kill an animal.”
The kids started screaming at this point. You know how they get when you have to kill an animal.”
“But I needed to keep going. You see with mice, you need to see their guts to know they’re dead. Otherwise they’ll be back with others.”
“So you killed it?” the Devil asked, now surrounded by some of his demigods who had come to hear to the story.
“So you killed it?” the Devil asked, now surrounded by some of his demigods who had come to hear to the story.
The old man nodded.
“By golly I did! Guts were splattered for all to see. The kids had lost their minds at this point. Tears everywhere. A crowd had gathered as well, all screaming.”
“By golly I did! Guts were splattered for all to see. The kids had lost their minds at this point. Tears everywhere. A crowd had gathered as well, all screaming.”
“It was at this point though, that the exertion caught up with me. I felt my heart give way. I must have suffered a heart attack.
Next thing I know, I’m here.”
Next thing I know, I’m here.”
“Well,” the Devil said, concerned, “This doesn’t seem to add up. Let me give Heaven a call and we’ll try and see what’s going on here.”
The Devil pulled up a phone from thin air and dialed a number.
The Devil pulled up a phone from thin air and dialed a number.
“Hey Jesus bro,” the Devil said, “I think I’ve got one of yours here. His story checks out. Must’ve been a mix-up.”
The Devil nodded as the call went on. He gave the old man a silent celebratory thumbs up.
The Devil nodded as the call went on. He gave the old man a silent celebratory thumbs up.
The Devil covered the phone with his hand, turned to the old man and said,
“You’re all good, they just want to know where you were when you died.”
The old man nodded, “Oh, that’s easy, I was at Disneyland.”
“You’re all good, they just want to know where you were when you died.”
The old man nodded, “Oh, that’s easy, I was at Disneyland.”
• • •
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