Thread by @Gilesyb

Ok. Have mostly taken refuge with the cat, who has finally found a species she distrusts more than the Retriever (pictured). The moment the music started, she hid under the bed 1/

https://twitter.com/t0nyyates/status/1429428959813459969

Downstairs, bottles and cans everywhere, including some from dark recesses of the house that I don't think I've seen since we moved here. Rather relieved not to have found an empty vinegar bottle 2/

One of the darker recesses, the larder, is strewn with dog food pellets. I'd take evens on one of the boys getting the munchies, impatient for the gigantic pizza order I made around 9pm, and scarfing a handful 3/

The dodgy door to the cellar got splintered and cracked open. Mortified boys stood around swearing they'd fix it and, my God, I returned later to find the splinters nailed back in. I'm nervous to think where they found nails because that means the power drill is in reach 3/

My insistence on their staying downstairs, for obvious avoid-pregnancy reasons, broke when I realised what 100 ciders into 40 bladders and one toilet implies 4/

The party is mostly in the garden, which I mowed earlier, and so the garden is now mostly in the house. Flo will be hoovering grass clippings all morning 5/

Music gets turned down in 5minutes. Light, end of tunnel.

One of the hip hop tracks they played went on for around half an hour. People really get paid for this 6/

This is where wife, other daughter, son and dog took themselves to. On the right, what I face. Sickening.

Turns out we bought too many crisps. Huh

One of them found a Christmas cracker and pulled it. Sweet

Tbh they are nice kids who even say "f**k" nicely, with all the asterisks. One called me sir.

We have Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano. No one ever makes it the whole way through

That declined to Imagine, then Chopsticks, then one-fingered Three Blind Mice - the signal that it was time for chariots, aka Uber, to end the saga.

The stragglers and stayovers are now bitching about ____ who dared to announce the party address on Insta -an actual crime

Update. Learned that the cellar door was broken because, natch, a boy was locked in, shoulder barged out, also crashing into the dogfood biscuits

Elsewhere, another boy got lost and was found locked in the upstairs bathroom. A theme. '

The Roomba has been heroic this morning