Thread by @EmporersNewC

I don't know about you, but I'm beginning to see a pattern here. (Thread)

Boris Johnson admitted at college he did cocaine, and then said he wasn't sure what it was, and the said he didn't actually inhale.

Which is well known politician language for "I snorted my tits off".

Michael Gove has admitted he has taken it on several occasions, which in Gove language could mean anything from doing it s few time to heading a drug cartel and trying to push kids into taking smack.

Let's take the Prime Minister, a man who said when we leave the EU it won't change our freedom of movement, our trade will go up, and we'll build a bridge to France and a tunnel to Ireland.

Having gone a massive psychedelic trip explaining how he paints boxes to make them look like busses with all the people smiling, until he produces one of these boxes I think it's fair to say "I turn crates into busses to relax" was a euphemism.

Now the next question, are there signs of drug use?

One day Boris Johnson will resolutely say something, and a few days later he is claiming he never said anything of the kind.

Loss of memory is a symptom of long term cocaine use.

Over confidence is another sign, the kind you'd have if you went into a hospital ward during a pandemic and insisting on shaking everybody's hand.

Or who thought we'd do a deal that gave us all the advantages of the Single Market with non of the downsides.

Paranoia, like when you leave a power bloc you've been part of for over 40 years treats you like every 3rd party country in the world, but you insist it's all about them trying to get you.

Another sign of cocaine use is going missing or being late for work, like when the Prime Minister missed COBRA meetings as a foreign secretary, and even Prime Minister if Cummings is to be believed.

Which neatly takes us to the current Foreign secretary who was several days late for work recently.

Early signs?

Long periods of wakefulness is another sign of drug use, and on three occasions last year in parliament he said "We are working day and night".

Suspicious...

Laura Crothers, a psychology professor at Duquesne University claimed a strong connection between bullies and taking drugs, that doesn't in itself condemn Priti Patel, but another sign is the people they hang around with.

Priti hangs around with Boris Johnson and Michael Gove.

Over excitement is another warning sign.

Like a trade minister reporting new trade deals which were our old trade deals just made slightly worse as if they are massive wins.

Or showing an exaggerated level of excitement for "Pork Markets".

Mood swings are something to look out for.

Like Lord Frost whose mood swings violently from "It's a terrific deal I did", to "It was all done under duress and I can we have a another go because I wasn't ready?"

Another symptom is losing touch with reality, like a Heath Secretary who opened a hospital wing and thought he opened a hospital.

Or a Heath Secretary who opened a hospital wing and lost touch with reality when he believed he could get away with saying he was opening a hospital.

Now you might argue this is all circumstantial, but there is other evidence. Like when we consider the three least likely sentences in the English language.

The first sentence is obviously:

"It's a disgrace that Ian Botham has been kept out of the House of Lords for so long".

Even if Ian Botham had been a candidate for the Lords, he wouldn't have been considered because he has a drug conviction.

But under the Johnson government they smuggled him into the House of Lords under a raft of extremist hatemongers and economically backward sycophants.

The second least likely sentence to hear in the English language was, until recently:

"You know who would make a really great trade envoy? Ian Botham!".

We may not have cellophane flowers of yellow and green towering over our heads, but I think even John Lennon would have told us to lay off the hard stuff if anyone has started singing about Ian Botham being a trade envoy.

And yet here we are.

The final least likely sentence to hear in the English language until recently was:

"I think a Royal Yacht would be really good at attracting trade deals".

Yet it is this exact reason that the government has given for trying to find this money that could easily be put to better use.

When you look at the facts, we have a government packed with people with a history of drug use and/or are showing signs of drug use, who are trying to raise the money for a boat so that a man with a drug conviction can sail around the world doing deals for them.

And if you look at the government as a whole, there are also tell tale signs.

People who have financial trouble and keep borrowing money are red flags to drug use.

Have you seen the budget recently?

Although that does not imply the whole cabinet. Drug addicts are known for developing good lying skills.

When it comes to lying, Boris maybe Premier League, but Kwasi Kwarteng is Sunday league reserves.

I don't think there has been a more obvious liar in government.

But how many times have you looked at a policy announcement of this government and thought "I think they must be on something?"

And the final damning piece of evidence is the Education Minister and ex-Chief Whip, Gavin Williamson.

If someone that incompetent and unpopular can remain in post, he must have something on them!

In the years to come, don't say the signs weren't there.

/End