I ate today for the first time in 7 days. Fasting is horrible. So much nonsense on YouTube. I didn't find mindfulness. I was ok for 4 days and then just really miserable. It's like making yourself ill to understand your vulnerabilities; actually not a bad thing...
At the end, this morning, I felt like I was leaving hospital after major surgery. It made me think of Graham Greene's autob - Ways of Escape - and the night during his trek somewhere in Liberia when his cousin thought he was going to die. Greene remembers having no fear of death.
He had lived comfortably accepting its inevitability. Like all of us perhaps - we grow older and we die, right? Fatalism it seems is everywhere. But in the depths of his malaria he discovered that he was more passionate about staying alive than he could ever imagine
And so he did. And that night he cut through the proverbial eye of the needle and astonished everyone the next morning with his recovery.
Fasting is a bit like that. It's like a major medical procedure that takes you down. Better that it is self inflicted than waiting for one of life's awful maladies to strike and only then realise that you've been too passive. Imagine the feeling of helplessness, anger and regret.
So, I'm glad I confronted my vulnerabilities. I'm usually strong and fit and yet I hobbled around like a broken man leaving hospital But it lit my fire. Reminded me of how reversals can take you down. It steeled my resolve. I guess I really do have a passionate interest in living
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