wtf our fridge just emailed us to say we opened its door too many times in the past month
I don’t even remember giving permission for our fridge to email.

It’s barely a year old, its screen time is highly restricted and it’s a fridge. It should only speak when it’s spoken to. It’s a fridge.
It’s never emailed us before.
I hope it’s not learning at a geometric rate.

If it continues I fear my family and I will be taken out of all fridge door opening decisions.
Good news everybody, our fridge just told us how much we used the water dispenser and… praised our dedication to saving the environment?
bold of you to assume we keep “fresh food” inside you, fridge
ok I did not know we were doing monthly performance reviews with household appliances but if we are I’m making this a 360

Communication: 🟠 Bad news, fridge! Your communication style and reporting was ineffective and unwarranted!
ehhhhhhhhhhh 🤔
to be clear, to date I have received seven (7) emails about/from the fridge

3 for account setup
1 for Ts & Cs
1 for "we weren't hacked honest, but change your password pls?"
1 for "hey, air filter reminder"
and then suddenly
i stfg if fridge gives me a "badge" next month for "hitting my door opening goal" i will lose it*

* be mildly annoyed and do a bit online
More seriously.

Was this information useful?

I mean, doesn't feel like it. It's not like we're *trying* to open and close the door a lot. Would the energy change be material? Probably not. Is it just another email to read and delete? Feels like it.
Would I have explicitly chosen to receive or opted into "receive a monthly report with tips about how to use your fridge better and in a way to care for our environment?"

Yeah, if it were worded that way, *and it still wouldn't have been particularly useful*.
ok yes everyone asking "you only have yourself to blame why did you a) get a smart fridge and b) connect it to the internet?"

a) our fridge broke last year early pandemic & our landlord replaced it, we didn't really have a choice

b) you've got me
OK yes even more seriously, I connected it to the internet because knowing about internet connected things and *how they work in real life* is kinda part of my job, so ACTUALLY, I DID IT FOR YOU. See:

I do this to know about how IoT *actually* works and *actually* feels like when you live with it and use it as intended. And it's like this:

the thing about running your own/local dns server for your home network is that you get to give accurate names or nicknames to anything in your house that talks internet

I just opened fridge’s app to see what it else it might be saying these days and hey, just saying the design of these onboarding screens really makes it look like fridge and fridges friends think my loved ones are… other household appliances?
like yeah i get it, me presuming my loved ones are only human or carbon-based lifeforms is horribly speciesist because i guess some of my loved ones also are computers but even still it is presumptive of fridge to assume my loved ones are household appliances with ip addresses
I'm not going to unsubscribe from these emails again for Professional Reasons, but this footer really does look like your options are "receive *all* email" or "receive *no* email", and no option for "fridge, shut up"
I bet Captain Picard's replicator doesn't send him a monthly report with traffic light indicators.

That's how you know he lives in a more humane and enlightened future.

(time to star trek reference: 34 minutes, am slow off the mark today)
what *should* do is set up a script that parses the email and sticks it into whichever minecraft server the kid is in with a broadcast message and plops a giant


netherite monument or whatever right in their viewport
hey hey hey how do you know your smart fridge is one from the gibsonian cyberspace branch of the future



it's got an ICEmaker
wirecutter 2022:

The Best Fridge With A Polite Tone Of Voice When It Emails You For Most People Is
anyway, imagine if you were someone extravagant who owned a vacant holiday home or whatever and then you got one of these emails
for everyone saying "44 times a day?!"


Anyway, I collect these. Tbt the time our scales emailed our toddler:

Also #tbt the time our scales noticed my wife had given birth

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More from @hondanhon

15 Sep
Our civilization has discovered how to make 20 tesla high-temperature superconducting magnets! 🧲

We should keep researching Fusion Power.… Image
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Climate change 🏭 has increased the danger of global instability.

We should trade gold for Carbon Capture Plant technology.… Image
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Climate change will heavily impact worker productivity📉. Citizens will need to change how they work.

We should research Carbon Coin technology.… Image
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Data warehouse
Data lake
Data lakehouse

Data hospice?
“Respectful and reassuring processes for the sunsetting of legacy data when it is no longer required.”
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Everything is perfectly fine, this is just a major financial institution offering with a straight face the advice to “taste samples at the weekend” as a practical tip for good meals because college is expensive.
At least it doesn’t mention avocado toast?
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roy kent is not wrong that sometimes knocking on peoples' doors is the best search engine
google is going to index fucking doors aren't they
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When we* say something about Adulting being hard, there's two parts.

1) Taking responsibility. Sure. Nobody likes having to do it. Would much prefer not to.

2) Dealing with the horrific shitty bureaucracy involved in (1)

* people of a certain age/disposition
I would *prefer* not to have to take responsibility for {insert thing like proactive healthcare}.

But once I decide/accept to, I don't think Some People* understand exactly how much of a run-around it is to actually get those things done these days.

* Sure, boomers
Mostly, this horrific practical bureaucracy happens (huh I wonder why) to coincide with older, larger institutions and bureaucracies. Not just government.

For all the talk of Canceling Things, it sure is hard to Actually Cancel Some Things these days.
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