Thread by @SecretGamerGrrl

Writing prompt accepted. Transphobia in reality vs. cis people's weird fantasy version of it.

So there's this weirdly popular myth, which people buy into to varying degrees, but at the most brutal end it goes like this:

We've got these people we call trans women, who look like

men but you have to call them women, because they have some weird brain thing and going against it is just completely devastating to them.

And some of the more worldly ones will also add on to that that there's people who look like women but you gotta call them "them" or "enby."

Obviously this is all complete BS and I am also being a bit tongue in cheek assuming people this removed from reality just full on do not comprehend that trans men exist or AMAB nonbinary people etc. etc. the 101 class is still over here if anyone is new: secretgamergirl.tumblr.com/post/186627278…

Meanwhile, over in reality, an important thing to understand is that as a general rule of thumb, if someone is trans, you will not know that that person is trans unless that person has actively decided to let you know.

Once someone really decides they're going to do the whole

transition thing, there's a bit of an ugly duckling window of a few months, maybe a couple years, when we'll generally either just never leave our homes or only do so in the bulkiest of hoodies or whatever but at some point the mix of HRT if any, surgical things if any, wardrobe

and makeup changes if any, and DEFINITELY the cumulative effect of just living as who we are openly for long enough to normalize it and affect body language and other subtle stuff comes to a point where every trans woman just looks like any other woman every trans man looks like

any random guy, and you're not going to hestitate or need a moment to think when addressing us. Nonbinary people meanwhile you probably will hesitate on with just a vague sense that this person seems pretty cool and confident and hope someone else uses a pronoun to clue you in.

Now prior to transitioning things get dicey. Like when I was around 6 people constantly correctly referred to me as a cute little girl and I or my parents had to "correct" them and I had to build up this kinda ridiculous in retrospect "manly" camouflage in my teens to avoid that

awkwardness but like, nobody's ever gonna be upset at you for misgendering a trans person who isn't out as trans yet so you're just either playing along with the ruse or you're accidentally being right and making some stranger feel good for reasons they maybe can't process yet.

But ANYWAY, like I said, generally speaking, if you are aware that someone is trans, it is because that person has actively decided to let it be known to you that they are trans (or someone outed them, don't do that people).

Like, for instance, literally not one single person in

the world would be aware that I'm trans if I didn't go and start at least one sentence a day all "speaking as a trans woman..." and ramble about how very good that Kamen Rider Revice color scheme is and ramble on with threads like this.

Because I do all that, I have to deal with

transphobes constantly.

And by that I mean there is this big pile of obsessive violent crackpots who go out term-searching for all those things I say that make it clear I'm trans and look for this very good color scheme🏳️‍⚧️and other things they've decided are signifiers (like how

I stick that "she/her" in my bio because modern societal convention dictates we all do stuff like that because it's not like people can look at what I'm typing and see all the obvious feminine signifiers they would in a face to face conversation that make these things obvious).

And oh hey, speaking of signifiers, ironically enough with how much they pretend otherwise, transphobes are all about using clearly declared pronouns as a signifier! They make a big performance out of how that basic convention I just mentioned (which really has nothing to do with

being trans) is a sign of being "the enemy," shouting "Pronouns in bio!" like they spotted a skull and crossbones on the flag of a passing ship, and then they have this whole song and dance where they work out someone's gender the same way anyone else would (looking at said bio

on the internet, or at someone's name, or "hmm, this person is probably a woman because I'm seeing big ol' boobs, dangly hoop earrings, a skirt, and the tired worn-down expression of someone dealing with BS all day") and make a big performance out of using the wrong pronouns.

So you get someone pointing at what is clearly a woman going "Look at HIM! HE's just standing here! What a filthy MAN!" etc. And again this isn't even something they just do with trans people, it's anyone they consider an enemy.

Because, and this is the whole point here, it does

no actual harm to, say, a trans woman, to refer to her as "him." It's not like we're vampires and you're holding up the cross or something. It's just a signifier. The bigot doing this is making it VERY clear to everyone in earshot that they are a bigot, and the person they are

shouting at is one of the people they hate. It's the same operating principle as shouting a slur at someone. You're verbally drawing a clear line in the sand, and seeing who within earshot starts drifting towards which side of it. Are you the only bigot here surrounded by a bunch

of people who have your targets back? Do you have a lot of silent backup who are going to start slipping you smiles to let you know you can take things further? Is the owner of whatever space this confrontation you're in actively turning a blind eye to your outburst, so you know

you aren't at risk of being thrown out?

So, if you see people pointing out that sort of obvious misgendering, it's not about hurt feelings or anything, it's "hey, did everyone hear the obvious dog whistle from the violent bigot? Because we should be preparing for something to go

down now after that open display of aggression."

But the actual real problems of dealing with transphobes are the things that follow that testing of the waters, or take place less publicly or less directly. Actual physical violence. Smear campaigns. Propaganda claiming all trans

people are "mentally ill" which in turn come with nazi dog whistles implying the proper treatment for that is to kill us all or imprison us or lobotomize us or whatever. More propaganda portraying us as actual supernatural monsters. All this stuff:

https://twitter.com/SecretGamerGrrl/status/1270941007622873088