Feelings are not facts. You don't need to believe them.

Are they valid? Yes. They are a core part of our experience of the world.
- Should we honor them with compassion? Yes.
- Should they be heard? Yes.
- Do they signpost things we care about? Yes.

Are they facts? No.
*Choosing* to believe a feeling, is not the same as automatically believing it.

I trust my best friend. Can I honor her, love her? Yes.
- Is everything she says a fact? No.
- Do I believe *everything* she says. No, she could be wrong.
- Do I obey everything she says? No.
I may have any number of feelings: that I'm unlovable, guilt that I'm a bad parent, or similar.
Is that feeling a "fact"? Do I *have* to believe the feeling?
- Am I unlovable. NO.
- Am I a bad parent? NO.
I can recognize a feeling of guilt (for example) with compassion;
I can see I'm having it because I'm a bit frazzled;
I can use the learning to signpost that I want to be more present with my child;
I can bring that understanding to meet the situation more effectively.
A hallmark of wellbeing and a key emotional skill is being able to honor a feeling with compassion

AND not having to believe it to be fact.

When instead of *having* to act on it, we act on values, we give other parts of ourself voice.

This is empowered, whole-hearted living.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with Susan David, Ph.D.

Susan David, Ph.D. Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @SusanDavid_PhD

13 Sep
A long history of "feminizing" emotion - the notion that emotional capabilities and emotionality are more female than male - has devastating consequences.

One is the suppression of NORMAL yet supposedly "undesirable" emotions by gender and associated mental health costs.
Another is the societal devaluing of the "care" professions especially when those professions intersect with gender bias - like therapy and social work.

The crisis in available care and the underpayment of those who provide it, should be deeply concerning to all.
Another, is the view by many organizations & education systems that the emotional skills that are *essential* to wellbeing and adaptability - and will become more so in an increasingly complex, automated world - are "soft skills."

These skills are undervalued and undertaught.
Read 4 tweets
15 Mar
A leader isn’t someone who says “trust my map.”

A leader is someone who instead invites, “trust my compass.”

It's tempting to present solutions and strategies as if they are defined and incontrovertible.

Yet, the truth is leaders cannot know the answers.

The world - technology, politics, and markets - is constantly changing. There are simply too many variables for a "map."

Leading from a "map" is a frequent organizational expectation. This is inhumane.

It places extraordinary pass/fail pressure on the leader; it demands teams act in particular ways "or else"; it denies the truth: the future is complex and outcomes are impossible to predict.

Read 5 tweets
21 Feb
What are you feeling?

What are two other options?

Use this thread to label your emotions in a more granular way.

You might be surprised at the breadth of your emotions—or that you’ve unearthed a more accurate name for what you're feeling.

• Grumpy
• Frustrated
• Annoyed
• Defensive
• Irritated
• Offended
• Spiteful

• Disappointed
• Mournful
• Regretful
• Depressed
• Pessimistic
• Tearful
• Disillusioned
Read 8 tweets
20 Feb
When you support autonomy development in children you give them a crucial gift: they learn HOW to think, not WHAT to think.

This is *essential* in a changing, complex world.

5 Keys --->
1. Honor the child for who they are (e.g. someone who loves drawing) rather than who you wish them to be (e.g. someone sporty.)

Children need to be truly seen.
2. Give a real choice wherever possible.

"Would you like to do this now or later?"

(Note: This is not the same as not setting limits, not establishing expectations or indulging every whim.)
Read 6 tweets
28 Oct 20
We reach emotional agility through a series of tiny steps in everyday moments over the course of a lifetime.

Here's a thread about how you can start this journey today.
2/ Appoint yourself the agent of your own life and take ownership of your own development, career, creative spirit, work, and connections.
3/ Accept your full-self with compassion, courage, and curiosity.
Read 13 tweets
29 Sep 20
Grit is overrated.

Yes, grit is extremely important, but so is adaptability.

It’s crucial to identify when to grit and when to quit.

If you’re making choices genuinely aligned with your values, there may come a time when the only smart thing to say is “enough is enough.”

It’s often difficult to let go of a longtime goal without feeling like a failure.

But when you view yourself through a lens of self-compassion, this process of reevaluation and adaptation takes on a different light.

Then quitting becomes the opposite of failure: a new opportunity to redirect your energy toward things of greatest importance to you.

Here are some questions to ask.

- Am I enjoying or finding satisfaction in what I’m doing—perhaps not every second, but overall?
Read 7 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!