1) Toxic positivity: When people default to bypassing difficult emotions in the service of forced positivity (fake positivity) is when 'toxic positivity' takes root.
2) Just like we can get stuck in difficult emotions, we can also get stuck in the idea of 'positive only' and this is fundamentally an avoidant coping strategy (a form of gaslighting oneself - or others.)
3) When we default to 'Just Be Positive' we close ourself off from learning from difficult emotions, understanding what values emotions are signposting, and to developing skills in dealing with these difficult emotions.
Everyone has a different method of coping, and some are more productive than others.
Sometimes we settle deeply into our negative feelings and struggle to get beyond them.
2/ Bottlers push emotions to the side and get on with things.
Bottling may look like:
- Suppressing emotions
- Forcing yourself to “think positively"
- Exerting an imagined control over an emotion
3/ Brooders can’t let go.
Brooding may look like:
- Constantly discussing an emotional situation
- Ruminating on an emotion under the guise of conscientious effort
- Losing perspective
In the midst of this challenge, who do you choose to be?
Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived a Nazi death camp wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
2/ When you start thought-blaming, there’s not enough space between stimulus and response, in Viktor Frankl’s terms, for you to exercise real choice.
3/ How do you react to difficult moments?
Do you rely on autopilot responses, saying something sarcastic, shutting down and avoiding your feelings, procrastinating, or walking away?