I have a beer and some time, so a little story…
My beloved old Honda wouldn’t start today.
Now, I may or may not have sent it barreling through an unseen foot of water at 2 am last night.
That may have occurred and logic suggests may be related.
1/
My beloved old Honda wouldn’t start today.
Now, I may or may not have sent it barreling through an unseen foot of water at 2 am last night.
That may have occurred and logic suggests may be related.
1/
It would fire up but immediately stall.
Now, I should probably mention that I am very close to useless at fixing cars.
I once decided to change my own brake pads. It turned into a 3-day odyssey of the damned.
Car repair is not in my genes.
2/
Now, I should probably mention that I am very close to useless at fixing cars.
I once decided to change my own brake pads. It turned into a 3-day odyssey of the damned.
Car repair is not in my genes.
2/
However, I am patently averse to 1) being cooped up at home; and 2) paying an egregious amount of money to service my aging vehicle.
It is 11 years old. It has over 230k miles on it. The interior is battle-scarred with the wounds of a life fully lived.
It is in its twilight.
3/
It is 11 years old. It has over 230k miles on it. The interior is battle-scarred with the wounds of a life fully lived.
It is in its twilight.
3/
So, I think to myself “I wonder if it has something to do with my blasting through that lake at 50 mph last night…
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN WATER IN THE DISTRIBUTOR CAP.”
4/
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN WATER IN THE DISTRIBUTOR CAP.”
4/
As background, none of my living relatives has an aptitude for fixing cars. None of my ancestors had an aptitude for fixing cars.
Yet, somewhere back in the annals of history, some male ancestor apparently came to know that a car has a ‘distributor’ which doesn’t work when wet.
Yet, somewhere back in the annals of history, some male ancestor apparently came to know that a car has a ‘distributor’ which doesn’t work when wet.
That one tiny iota of knowledge is now passed down from generation to generation among the male heirs in my family.
We know only this and we pass it down from generation to generation like it was the key to surviving a frontier winter.
6/
We know only this and we pass it down from generation to generation like it was the key to surviving a frontier winter.
6/
So, blessed with only with only this one tiny nugget of familial automotive lore, I thought to myself:
“Is today the day? Arise, forefathers, for today we reap a glorious harvest.”
7/
“Is today the day? Arise, forefathers, for today we reap a glorious harvest.”
7/
Based on my vague, limited digestion of the whole “water in the distributor cap” legend, I assumed I’d open the hood; plunk open some lid of some kind; dry it on my shirt; and be on my way in five… ten minutes tops.
8/
8/
Yeah, that would be a no.
I popped the hood. I craned my neck and looked over, under and around the cramped engine compartment. I found nothing even vaguely cap-like.
Here’s a crazy idea: why don’t car companies label shit?
Why does it have to be a fucking treasure hunt?
9/
I popped the hood. I craned my neck and looked over, under and around the cramped engine compartment. I found nothing even vaguely cap-like.
Here’s a crazy idea: why don’t car companies label shit?
Why does it have to be a fucking treasure hunt?
9/
So, I do some muttering and go inside to Google how to find a damn distributor cap and hat totally sidetracked by posts on automotive forums about other possible causes.
10/
10/
Let me tell you, automotive sites are like Qar-Anon.
If someone posts that they rain over a nail, someone is going to suggest it’s actually a problem with the influx-regulator-valve-some-fucking-thing-that-doesn’t-even-sound-real.
11/
If someone posts that they rain over a nail, someone is going to suggest it’s actually a problem with the influx-regulator-valve-some-fucking-thing-that-doesn’t-even-sound-real.
11/
Anywho, unable to find the distributor, I had some time to chase wild geese down rabbit holes.
And that is what led me to a post suggesting starting the car but only easing off the key rather than dropping it back into its usual place.
12/
And that is what led me to a post suggesting starting the car but only easing off the key rather than dropping it back into its usual place.
12/
And that actually. freaking. worked.
And that meant the ‘ignition switch’ was bad.
So I cracked open the steering column like a hungry seagull with a crab shell and found it.
13/
And that meant the ‘ignition switch’ was bad.
So I cracked open the steering column like a hungry seagull with a crab shell and found it.
13/
And then I limped to the auto place with my flashers on and one hand holding the key half way between ‘start’ and ‘run’.
And then I bought a new ignition switch for $50 bucks and threw in a little screwdriver for $6.
14/
And then I bought a new ignition switch for $50 bucks and threw in a little screwdriver for $6.
14/
And then I replaced the old switch with the new one right there in the parking lot.
Once it was in place, no joke, I sat there in quiet meditation manifesting my aged vehicle roaring back to its usual vitality.
And then I put the key in and gave it a turn…
15/
Once it was in place, no joke, I sat there in quiet meditation manifesting my aged vehicle roaring back to its usual vitality.
And then I put the key in and gave it a turn…
15/
And sweet fancy Moses, THE HONDA LIVES!
I am going to be entirely honest here, I was so happy, I literally rolled down the windows to yell “YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!” while totally looking like this gif.
I did that. I am not ashamed of that.
16/
I am going to be entirely honest here, I was so happy, I literally rolled down the windows to yell “YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!” while totally looking like this gif.
I did that. I am not ashamed of that.
16/
And now I, too, will add to the scarce gemstones of ancestral automotive knowledge carefully handed down from generation to generation.
17/
17/
Someday far in the future, a distant future heir will be unable to start their car and they will think to themselves
“It has to be the distributor cap… or the ignition switch.”
18/
“It has to be the distributor cap… or the ignition switch.”
18/
And it will be neither.
I hope Google and YouTube will still exist by then or they’re going to have to get it towed.
19/
I hope Google and YouTube will still exist by then or they’re going to have to get it towed.
19/
I leave you with this.
My moment of triumph.
Did I take a video of it?
Yes, I fucking did. My family fixes a car problem once every three generations. Tops.
You record that shit.
I fixed my car. By myself. I now know joy.
Cheers.
//
My moment of triumph.
Did I take a video of it?
Yes, I fucking did. My family fixes a car problem once every three generations. Tops.
You record that shit.
I fixed my car. By myself. I now know joy.
Cheers.
//
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