I've literally either been resting/sleeping on the couch or the bed since about 9pm last night.
This is what abled neurotypical people don't see. They just see me being "functioning" during the weekday.
And here's the reason most autistic people don't share these kinds of experiences -
Because it makes neurotypical people doubt whether we can "be productive" or do enough.
It can risk future employment.
It can risk how our current colleagues/co-workers see us or bosses.
Showing one bit of weakness as an autistic person means putting a target on your back and basically giving them a reason to either exploit you or fire you.
So we constantly hide the stuff we go through because it's never going to help us.
And then we get told that we "seem fine" if we do a good enough job of fooling them,
or just having a flat affect so they assume we're completely okay when we're anything but.
We work even harder when we're more burnt out because there's no going back at that point.
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Autistic Adults May Be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive & Lacking Credibility
"The findings revealed that autistic individuals were rated higher on perceived deception and lower on perceived competence & character compared to neurotypical individuals."
Let me explain why I have been emotionally frustrated when I see non-autistic people replying to my threads about burnout with
"Doesn't everyone experience this though?"
Because we aren't allowed our own space to talk about our own unique experiences as autistics.
1/8
Because we don't have the language to even express how different it is to grow up being expected to be a different human being than you are 24/7 since you were 5 years old.
Because we are never allowed respite from educating and explaining to neurotypical minds.
2/8
Because when you say "Doesn't everyone?" you are negating the unique aspects of growing up as an autistic person in a society hostile to autistic people.
If you are asking that question, you clearly don't have enough information about the autistic experience to answer it.
3/8
This scene in How to Train Your Dragon is just, everything.
Hiccup: You know, we have a surplus of dragon-fighting vikings, but do we have enough bread-making vikings, or home-repair vikings?
*Dad gives him axe*
I don’t want to fight dragons.
Stoic: Oh come on, yes you do.
1/4
Hiccup: Rephrase. Dad, I can’t kill dragons.
Stoic: But you will kill dragons!
Hiccup: No I’m really very extra sure that I won’t. Can you not hear me?
2/4
Stoic: This is serious, son. When you carry this axe, you carry all of us with you, which means you walk like us, you talk like us, and you think like us.
No more of *gestures to him* this.
Autistic people: *Makes a statement*
Neurotypical people - Question very specific and pedantic things about the statement and expect a response.
Neurotypical people: *Makes a vague statement* - Does not expect any questions, pushback, or responses that could derail it.
I'm just thinking about the absurd hoops that abled neurotypical people jump through to justify eugenics of autistic people.
The ridiculous questions we get asked, about our value, humanity, worthiness,
and the lack of benefit of the doubt we receive in return.
I mean hell, it doesn't matter that I wrote an article that encompasses a decent amount actual research showing that ABA is ineffective and even harmful,
they just refuse to read it, decide to lie, to stay in denial.
I think I just realized why autistic burnout is so bad.
It's because when neurotypical people reach their limits, they can't go on.
When autistic people reach their limits, they continue because they know they have to continue to be considered valuable.
1/
I was told that if I get burnt out, I won't be able to do anything, so I should rest.
What I didn't say because I was still thinking it through,
is that when I get burnt out, I go on for weeks or months more because that is expected of me and I Cannot Let People Down.
2/
And so often autistic people are constantly pushed to their limits even at 4, 5, 8 years old. Constantly.
We are so often already at a level of stress from NT expectations and our environment that neurotypical people don't even comprehend it.
3/