Thread by @nwaoma007

1./ One day a few years ago, I went to Dominos to get pizza with my children. While we were waiting to collect our order, a woman came in with 4 kids. She spoke to the server at the till, asking about the pizzas and the prices. After their conversation, she gathered the kids,

2./ turned and left.

They looked crushed. As they left, I overheard them asking mum why they couldn’t have the pizza anymore. From what I overheard of her conversation with the cashier, the pizzas cost more than she expected and she didn’t have enough money to pay.

3./ It was fairly apparent that this was supposed to be a special treat, but because she had misapprehended the pizza prices, she now had a passel of disappointed kids.

My order was ready and as we left, my daughter asked about the woman and her kids.

4./ I explained what I deduced had happened. Her response was that the mum could pay with her card; why can’t she get money from the ATM? I tried to explain the dynamics of money in the bank, cards and money withdrawn. It didn’t really sink in.

5./Driving out, we overtook the lady and her kids in traffic. The mood in their car was low. It was obvious that the failed outing was causing much pain.
I felt moved to signal her to pull over. I got out and we talked. Long and short, I gave her some money and she told her kids.

6./ Their joy and excitement over that pizza was something to behold.

Every so often, I think about that event; and I think about privilege. Privilege insulates people so much that they often cannot see the reality of others deprivation.

7./ It’s nigh impossible to relate because those deprivations are outside the realm of your experience.

Another event brought it to the fore for me. I was leaving for work and my daughter called out to me; “Mummy please may you bring some bacon on your way back home?

8./ I used up the last of it.”

I said I would. It wasn’t the bacon so much as her confidence. She wasn’t surprised that I would say yes. She didn’t expect it would be any other answer. She would have been shocked if I said no. She has no experience of mum or dad saying;

9./ “No. I can’t buy food because no money.” “No” she may be familiar with is you’ve had too much, don’t have anymore. But ‘No’ because no money for it is an odd concept. This gives her a certain brash assurance when she approaches life. Everything is possible.

10./ Maybe not quite a “money is no object,” view, but it’s not an insurmountable obstacle.

This is a factor which no degree of empathy will help her overcome. She may be thoughtful and considerate, but the anxieties hard-wired into one’s system from growing up without

11./ is something she won’t properly relate to.

In conclusion, sometimes, no matter how well-meant our words of advice and wisdom to another person may be we probably should just help if we can, otherwise we need to zip the lip.