Thread by @ekverstania

I am now inspired to write "IMPROVEMENTS IN AUTISM: A one-act play" 😄

https://twitter.com/LiamODellUK/status/1443975254595051543

DALE: Hi, honey, I'm home!
GITA: Do you have to sound so NT?
DALE: I was doing it for effect.
GITA: You want to be kissed while I wear an apron like in the 50s posters?
DALE: No. Sensory f***up from traffic.
GITA: OK. So I mustn't talk?
DALE: Talking is OK, just don't screech.

GITA: What the f*** is that? Is that your new meds? Looks like something to vaccinate a herd of cows.
DALE: (grins)
GITA: What IS it?
DALE: (grins)
GITA: Stop f***ing with me, is that even legal? What IS it?
DALE: Actually, I haven't STARTED f***ing with you yet, but we could…

GITA: Uh! You said you had sensory issues! How did that get fixed so fast? You haven't even spent an hour stimming in front of the computer.
DALE: I'm kidding. We mustn't have sex yet. We must wait until… (rummages in the small box he has brought home)
GITA: Is it… oxytocin?

DALE: (laughs)
GITA: What's so funny? That's a logical guess in the context.
DALE: Yeah, but it's wrong.
GITA: What IS that?

DALE: OK, here's a paper with a URL. Go there, download, install.
GITA: Can I get tea first? You want coffee?
DALE: Yespleasemommy.
GITA: Mommy? Mommy?! We've had 'dude', 'dudette', 'babe', 'my dearest amoeba'…

DALE: You do wanna be a mommy, right?
GITA: Yes, but… oh wait, is that, like, some kind of fertility treatment pack where it raises your body temperature to optimal levels and then based on the range, you get pregnant with either an XX or an XY—

DALE: Ummm… no. (grins) Coffee.
GITA: OK. Coffee.

Gita moves to the open-plan kitchenette, where she switches on the kettle and puts instant coffee into a mug with a structural formula of a molecule on it, and a teabag into a mug with a Tardis on it. The water boils quickly, having already boiled just before Dale arrived.

Dale takes the slip of paper which he had earlier handed to Gita and sits down in front of a computer with a large monitor. He switches on the computer and punches in the URL, clicks buttons and enters information while Gita makes the tea and coffee.

Unable to multitask, Gita stops what she is doing every time one of them talks.

GITA: Wait! Why are YOU doing it now? You asked me to install it, I asked whether I could get tea first, you said—
DALE: Chill, it's licenced for two users, I'll send you the invitation.
GITA: OK... (focuses as she adds five spoons of sugar to her tea) What is it, is it a game?

DALE: (after a few seconds of silently watching the screen) OK, I've sent you the link.

Gita puts down Dale's coffee and takes her mug of tea to the couch, where she opens her laptop. Dale remains at the computer with the large screen.

Some time passes in silence, as Dale continues to follow prompts on the screen which the audience does not see, and responds to them in a focused way, entering information. Similarly, the audience does not see Gita's screen as she opens an app and responds to what she reads.

GITA: (looking at the screen) Promethianne. Ew, that's such a corny name for an app... Oh, hilarious, they have a virtual assistant that looks like a stereotypical girl scientist from the 90s.

DALE: Can you see me?
GITA: (looking up) Yes, why?
DALE: I mean, can you see my account linked to yours in the app.
GITA: (looking around on the screen) Uh... yes. Yes, I see you.

DALE: OK, I see you too now.
GITA: (still looking around the screen) So this is like a character creation tool, except no clothes, no weapons... what games does it plug into?

DALE: Right, what sex chromosomes do we want? Do we want to choose those chromosomes or leave it random?

GITA: What's the context? Where will this character be used?
DALE: Real life.
GITA: Is that a virtual world?
DALE: No, real life.
GITA: Virtual worlds ARE real life, doh! May I remind you how we met?
DALE: I know, but I mean offline.

GITA: What am I not getting? Is this an ARG? Spell it out to me.

DALE: We're designing a baby.
GITA: (falls over backwards onto the couch and laughs heartily, then goes silent, lies still for a few seconds, and sits up suddenly and looks at him straight-faced) Sorry, whattt?

DALE: We're designing a baby.
GITA: A hypothetical baby?
DALE: Rephrase your question. I cannot answer it in that form.
GITA: Uh... Words. Rephrase question... Wait, I need to pee. (she goes offstage)

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Gita returns, walking with her cell phone in her hand, looking at the screen. Her fly is open, and her Tardis underwear is visible.

DALE: You look REALLY ready to make a baby.
(Gita looks at him, puzzled. He indicates with his eyes towards her open zip.)
GITA: Oh. Yes, it's uncomfortable. I should actually just take off my pants, but my sweatpants are still damp.

DALE: Message from your mom?
GITA: No, I'm trying to find information about Promethianne.
DALE: Oh, I don't think you'll find anything about it online.

GITA: OK, I'm confused as hell, this sounds totally creepy, but what was the question again before I went to pee?
DALE: The question was, do we wanna pick the sex chromosomes?
GITA: Oh yes! The sex chromosomes. Yes! Triple X!

DALE: You want a baby with three X chromosomes?
GITA: Yes.
DALE: We're not talking triple-X rated movies here, we're talking about a baby with Trisomy X?
GITA: Yes, I want a baby with Trisomy X.
DALE: (incredulous) Why?

GITA: Because Kayla has Trisomy X and she's the most decent person I have ever known in my life. I want a baby like Kayla.

DALE: (raising eyebrows, and scratching his head) Ohhhh... kay... Considering this is OUR baby, can we compromise on this one and leave it to random selection?
GITA: Why, don't you like Kayla?
DALE: Kayla is YOUR friend.

GITA: Wait. Wait. Wait. There is something here... words words words...

DALE: OK, you don't like Jared. And he's MY friend.
GITA: It's not that I don't like Jared, it's just that I don't like his morals, or rather his lack of morals. I mean, he's intelligent and everything, but...

DALE: So? Same thing.
GITA: No, not same thing, because you don't have a problem with Kayla's morals. Or is there something I don't know?

DALE: No, Gita, Kayla's morals are fine.
GITA: Are you being sarcastic?
DALE: No. Kayla is a decent person.
GITA: Exactly. My point.
DALE: But that's not genetic. Like, you can have a person without Trisomy X who is also decent. And a person WITH Trisomy X who ISN'T decent.

GITA: OK, OK. There's a huge logical fallacy in here somewhere, I just don't know which one, but let's keep moving. So, randomly selected sex chromosomes, what's next? Eye colour, hair, that kind of thing?
DALE: Autism.
GITA: We get to choose whether we have an autistic baby now?

DALE: Not... exactly. We get to tweak the baby's autism the way we like it. Or, yeah, we get to have a non-autistic baby. Whichever. I think autistic is better, how about you?

GITA: (stares at Dale for several seconds with her hand on her mouth and her head cocked; then she speaks, still in that position) Dale, what the f*** are we doing?

Dale's cell phone rings—the Imperial March from Star Wars.

DALE: That's the ringtone for Graham, I've got to get it. (Answers and puts phone to ear) Graham. Hello...

Gita looks sullen. She is typing and clicking on her laptop, and reading the screen, frowning and pouting and drinking tea.

DALE: Can it wait for a few hours? I'm busy with something.
...
We're making a baby.
...
Thanks. Bye. (Hangs up.)

Hehe, I think he thought we were having sex.

GITA: (looking serious) I'm reading something here, and I have a question. I found a link at the bottom of this app, which goes to a Web site with scientific information, and I clicked on one of the articles. Let me read it to you.

GITA: (reading) "There are many promising applications of CRISPR for the treatment of autism, but there are also challenges. CRISPR is an effective approach for targeting and treating specific gene mutations. Autism has a clear genetic component to it, but..."

"...many different genes have been linked to autism. For CRISPR to be effective for the treatment of autism, it will need to be tailored to each individual."

"There is no one-size-fits-all CRISPR treatment, explains the CRISPR Report. The specific autism-related genes that have a mutation in each individual with autism must be targeted in order for the treatment to be effective."

"Currently, researchers are working on developing specific CRISPR therapies for a variety of autism-related genes..."

DALE: Yeah, that's old. It's from the May 2021 article on Elemy.

GITA: They do ABA.
DALE: Who?
GITA: Elemy does ABA.
DALE: ABA... that's what again?
GITA: It's torture masquerading as therapy.

DALE: Oh yes, that positive reinforcement thing they do with the low-functioning autistics. It isn't torture.
GITA: You haven't had it, so how would you know?
DALE: YOU haven't had it, so how would YOU know?

GITA: I don't like you anymore.
DALE: (putting out his arm, smiling) Why? Come here.
GITA: (pouting) No.
DALE: (coquettishly) Come here.
GITA: (with s slight smile) No.
DALE: (smiling) Come here.

Gita walks to where Dale is sitting at the computer, and he puts his arm around her.