"So you see, if she'd learned self-defence in school, she could have fought him off."
"If women bothered to find out more about the legal system, they'd be more streetwise."
"...which I think demonstrates with irrefutable logic that he was just one bad apple in an otherwise excellent police force."
"She should have asked him for his warrant card. That way, if he'd been an impostor, she would have known not to trust him."
"I would merely have summoned a passing carriage or barouche, or even a common hackney, and thereby evaded his pursuit."
"I'm a nice guy. I'll get you home safely - just as long as I get a kiss..."
"...and then, you ask to borrow his police radio..."
"Hilarious guy. We called him The Rapist. Just for bantz, obviously. I mean - who could have known?"
"Yes, but what if a man tried to abduct you who was just PRETENDING to be a police officer?"

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More from @Joannechocolat

30 Sep
And on International Translation Day, we're going to be talking about translators, a sector of the literary world that deserves maximum attention, respect and gratitude, but which is often overlooked.
Any author lucky enough to be published in non-English-speaking countries has at least one translator. However, most authors don't get to meet or speak with their translators, and many don't even know their names.
This is a pity, because a good translation can make a book, just as a bad one can sink it; and the more help an author can give their translator, the better the result is likely to be.
Read 11 tweets
10 Sep
People keep asking me for this one. Let's do it today. Follow #TenWaysToGetBackYourMojo to collect them all!
1. The muse. Inspiration. Mojo. Doesn't matter what you call it, we all know what it's like. Sometimes the Muse just doesn't turn up. And Covid, lockdown, social media and current events aren't helping. So - how to get back in the zone? #TenWaysToGetBackYourMojo
2. First of all, don't panic. Just because you've lost your mojo doesn't mean you're broken. But if you've been struggling vainly for months, it might be a mental health issue. If so, get professional help and practice self-care. The work can wait. #TenWaysToGetBackYourMojo
Read 12 tweets
5 Sep
This one's interesting, and I've never tried it. Follow #TenThingsAboutMagicRealism to collect them all!
1. Magic realism has many forms. I'm using the term in its loosest form, which is, as I see it, the inclusion of fantasy or magical elements in an otherwise "realistic", real-world narrative. #TenThingsAboutMagicRealism
2. The first thing is to ensure the reader's suspension of disbelief. That means making the "realistic" aspects of your real-world scenario as familiar and relatable as possible. That way your fantasy will have a solid background on which to play. #TenThingsAboutMagicRealism
Read 12 tweets
15 Aug
"So you see, the incel movement is a response to feminism..."
"You can't even pay a woman a compliment any more..."
"Women can be murderers, too."
Read 8 tweets
13 Aug
People who care about words, compare and contrast the following sentences:
1. A man shot six people in Plymouth.
2. Six people were killed by a shooter in Plymouth.
3. Six people died in a shooting in Plymouth.
"A man shot six people in Plymouth." This is the simplest and most direct description: active voice, with full prominence given to the subject of the verb; that is, the man who shot six people.
"Six people were killed by a shooter in Plymouth." This version is in the passive voice, giving prominence to the six people, rather than the shooter. Even though it's a longer sentence, the meaning is already less clear, and the information that a man was involved has been lost.
Read 5 tweets
12 Aug
1. Crime fiction comes in all shapes and sizes. The police procedural; the cosy detective; the psychological thriller. With so much to look at, let's concentrate on the actual crime itself. #TenThingsAboutWritingCrime
2. The great majority of crime novels deal with just one type of crime: murder. #TenThingsAboutWritingCrime
Read 12 tweets

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