Ever seen one of these emotions charts? These guides are meant to teach people what emotions are. Except, as an autistic person, I could never relate. Chart reads: How do you fee...
I spent hours staring at these emotions charts. I memorized and copied them. I thought emotions were something to mimic. A set of vocabulary I needed to burn into my mind.

Then, I learned a word for my experience that is often used to describe autistics: Alexithymia.
At first, alexithymia, or the inability to recognize my emotions in myself or others, felt like good way to describe my autistic experiences. Until I started taking off the mask.

I reclaimed stimming. I reclaimed echolalia. I reclaimed my authentic facial expressions.
Alexithymia is real, but for me, it was a mislabel. It's not that I can't recognize my emotions but that I mistaught my emotions. I was always taught allistic emotional expression.
As I reclaim my personal autistic emotional expressions, I can better recognize the emotions of others. I bounce when I'm happy. That is the same feeling that others might express by smiling.

I have a frame of reference now, and it's made all the difference.
What might my emotional journey have looked like if stimming, echolalia, and autistic expressions of feelings had been shown to me in picture books, classroom songs, and feelings charts? Inclusive education is essential for autistics.

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More from @autienelle

18 Sep
Empty phrases like, "How are you?" are social nightmares for many autistics. Turns out, these confusing greetings are called phatic language, and they drive a wedge between autistic/allistic communication. 🧵
Over time, I've scripted replies to, "How are you?" But no matter how many times I say, "Pretty good," "Doing all right," or just nod, I'm filled with panic. Does this person actually want to know how I'm doing? Why did they ignore me when I responded, "Fine. How about you?"
"How are you" is an example of phatic language. Although it seems meaningless, non-autistics actually build social bonds with this kind of greeting. However, given that autistics bond & communicate differently from allistics, phatic language can be frustrating and even isolating.
Read 6 tweets
19 Aug
Meltdowns & shutdowns are communication. Autistic bodies are telling us & telling others that we've reached a limit. We can no longer mask our pain, force our bodies into situations that harm us, or endure the pressure of doing things that others force us to do.
Autistic brains are working overtime. Our bodies are regulating unsupportive environments. Most environments are designed with NTs in mind.

The result: Overload. Meltdowns. Shutdowns.
When autistic brains reach the processing limit, our bodies respond in ways that are neither good nor bad. Meltdowns & shutdowns may hurt or lead to danger, but they aren't intentional behavior meant to hurt/endanger.
Read 9 tweets
19 Jul
Autistic overstimulation and overload goes beyond the sensory.

Case in point: Emotional overload is when autistics receive feelings-based information from ourselves or others that are extremely difficult to process.
During autistic emotional overload, the emotional information we receive may feel overwhelming for many reasons. However, the impact of the overload may lead to meltdowns, shutdowns, rumination, and anxiety.
It is possible that emotions are overloading autistics merely because we do not receive emotional explanations and supports that are designed with autistic expression in mind.
Read 8 tweets
3 May
I started having less meltdowns AFTER my autism diagnosis. Can you guess why?
Once I discovered my ASD diagnosis, I stopped believing that meltdowns were a personal trait. Meltdowns are actually a sign that I've been pushed too far.
I used to set ridiculously high expectations for myself to be perfect, so the greater NT society wouldn't see my differences and label me "broken." Then, I'd make mistakes, or get overloaded, and I'd meltdown 2-3 times per week.
Read 5 tweets
6 Mar
Undiagnosed autistics often wind up with social anxiety due to social confusion and severe bullying. Then, when the social anxiety becomes unbearable, we seek help. Except, we get diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder instead of Autism Spectrum Disorder.
From that moment on, especially if the autistic is AFAB, we are told that we are anxious and not autistic. But the truth: We are autistics that have developed anxiety.
Autistics with Social Anxiety Disorder can't be treated for one condition over the other. And stigmatizing those with SAD as people who do not understand themselves and their experiences is contributing to this ableist issue.
Read 4 tweets
18 Feb
PSA: Menstruation can be a sensory nightmare for autistics who menstruate.
Autism and menstruation is rarely discussed, perhaps because of the male bias in ASD diagnostic access, or perhaps because menstruation is a topic still so often silenced.
Many menstruating autistics experience sharp shifts in mood and sensory sensitivity during & around menstruation.
Read 4 tweets

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