Thread by @sturdyAlex

THREAD By DM, wishes to remain anonymous.

TW/CW: rape, abuse, domestic violence

“The first time I can remember seeing a penis was when I went home for lunch from school with a school friend. I had just started high school so I must have been 11 or 12.” 1/ #STFUSaturday

"His older brother and friends were all there watching porn (animal porn) I don’t remember to this day how I ended up alone with one of the friends penis out trying to kiss me and make me touch it while they all laughed outside the door." 2/ #STFUSaturday

"Around 13 I went on a trip to France with school. Three different men exposed themselves to us, our teacher told us to ignore them. Aged around 14 I had my first proper boyfriend, I was besotted with him, we held hands a lot and kissed, that was it." 3/ #STFUSaturday

"He went away for a weekend. I went ice skating with friends. Drank a can of cider and was really drunk I was trying to get home another boy from school pulled me down an alley trying to force me to kiss him. I wouldn’t but guess what he told everyone." 4/ #STFUSaturday

"I was dumped and the reputation started there.
Around 15 I was over boys and how immature they were and the way they treated me the constant groping (I was a whore after all) so when a 24 year old man asked me out - perfect right?" /5 #STFUSaturday

"Over the course of around 6 months I was drugged, I was raped, I was anally raped with a weapon. His mother and sisters would visit and I’d be there clearly a child, his own child would visit and I’d take him to nursery. Nobody batted an eyelid." 6/ #STFUSaturday

"One night it got so bad that his neighbours called the police, they didn’t even ask what had happened they told me to straighten myself up and sent me to walk home alone in the dark in the rain." 7/ #STFUSaturday

"I tried to move on and just forget about it started college and working in a hairdresser’s a Thursday was late night and I used to get sent to the take away for dinner. The guy who worked there started to follow me in his car, he would be everywhere I was." 8/ #STFUSaturday

"I came out to go to college one morning and he was sitting outside offering to take me to college. I was frightened but who was I going to tell? I was a whore right? I don’t know whatever happened to make him stop he just did." 9/ #STFUSaturday

"I completely dropped out of life for a couple of years my mum and dad took brilliant care of me but I’d lied so much about when I was seeing this guy they never really knew what was wrong. Then I got another job, one I loved. With a large blue chip company." 10/ #STFUSaturday

"It came with a good salary. It also came with tanker drivers pressing themselves against ur bum, a sleazy office manager who everyone knew was a bit “handsy” it came with training trips away and I adored my job so I just shut up and accepted it." 11/ #STFUSaturday

"Eventually I was made redundant and got a new job at the airport, again loved it. Christmas came round I was invited to “the policemans ball” (special branch) I had a child and couldn’t go, I was given a nod from another member of staff that I’d got off easy." 12/ #STFUSaturday

"Guess what sort of girls went? Yep, 'whores'! The stories that came out of there were horrific, shame faced girls would have their heads down if of course they came back to work. While special branch officers slapped each other on the back for everyone to see." 13/ #STFUSaturday

"My department was moved to an off site building. I had loads of friends there it was good. I was left on nightshift with 2 male Asian colleagues who were speaking a language I didn’t understand but frequently dropping my name into conversation." 14/ #STFUSaturday

"I addressed it with my manager (an ex cop) who told me I should be flattered they clearly fancied me I was an attractive women and I didn’t want to be labelled a racist. So it carried on, other people refused to work with them, I needed the money." 15/ #STFUSaturday

"One night one of them sexually assaulted me in the lift while the other held it on closed. What was the point in telling anyone about it? Whore/racist. Agsin word got out , now I was a whore in the workplace (I was a pregnant wife/mum) rumour mill went crazy." 16/ #STFUSaturday

"I had another mental break, and ended up a single mum with weekends alone. Went out a lot, wasn’t interested in meeting anyone really. Just had a really good time, went to lots of concerts. Got a lot of backstage/after party invites. Generally had a ball." 17/ #STFUSaturday

"Then I was invited by someone up and coming to the mobo’s again brilliant night. I’d got really friendly with a small crowd. The night of the mobo’s went to afters. Then the after afters. Somehow ended up in the wrong hotel room, with just one of them." 18/ #STFUSaturday

"Next thing I know he’s in the bathroom with me trying to get me to kiss him, with his penis out, I was straight back to the little girl. I carried on as normal stayed a while longer and went home. I stopped going out for a long time after that." 19/ #STFUSaturday

"Facebook had just come around. An old school friend got back in touch a policeman now. He asked me out i dithered about it for a bit then agreed but something came up and we cancelled, next thing I know he’s In the newspapers 'ex cop guilty of raping 2 woman'" 20/ #STFUSaturday

"I’d been speaking to this guy for a year, blatantly telling me he was a policeman now, even what shift he was on, he’d actually been suspended on full pay while I’d been talking to him." 21/ #STFUSaturday

"Went out with a friend for dinner and bumped into another old school friend who had been 'living away' ended up in a head over heels whirlwind engagement with this guy. Even married and had a baby with him." 22/ #STFUSaturday

"From the wedding to the day I walked away with nothing but my children, he was verbally and physically abusive. Read all of that back and guess why I didn’t report him.

Since then I’ve not dated, I’ve just been a mum. I don’t go out anymore. (9 years)" 23/ #STFUSaturday

"Until a couple of months ago I went to a friends birthday, all girls. Until her friends husband made an appearance with a bar tab. He’s ok obviously he’s the other friends husband. I went to the loo. Came out and there he is trying to kiss me." 24/ #STFUSaturday

"Thankfully by now I’ve had enough and I started shouting at him. He apologised that was it, he did keep slipping into conversation about how I was too attractive to be single. But I got off light that time." 25/ #STFUSaturday

"So I’m back to realising I’ll probably always be single coz I’m not taking anymore chances, I’m not going out anymore, it’s sad I don’t want to be alone, I’d love to be loved. Would love to meet someone but I know that I won’t. I can’t take chances anymore." 26/ #STFUSaturday

"Somehow I still believe to a degree it must be me.
I’ve probably missed out hundreds of things that have happened over the years, while pointing out the main things. I’ve got 3 kids. I’m 42." 27/ #STFUSaturday

"Oh and I ugly up on a Monday for the tesco shop coming, incase it’s the very persistent guy who always compliments me and asks me out even though I keep saying no.

It’s not all men, it’s most that I’ve come into contact with though." 28/28 #STFUSaturday