“John Bon-Govey…” Boris Johnson, a profoundly unserious man, has begun a profoundly unserious speech full of lies and laughs for people who haven’t laughed genuinely at anything in decades; a long hollow laugh from a party of mirthless monsters, “scum” being an understatement.
We’ll be told this is great oratory but it’s the cheap tricks of an after dinner speaker. Not a line of this stands up to scrutiny — it disintegrates like Richard Harris’ cake in the rain — but it will largely go unscrutinised by hacks watching the most successful hack of all.
They’ll hear tone and not substance. They’ll contact this to the stolid tone of Starmer’s speech and declare Johnson’s machine gun shitticisms and chucklesome sloganeering a success. It’s now he can get away with claiming his government is “new”.
Boris Johnson has the hack’s disease of delighting in alliteration and ‘obscure’ references. And other hacks like it because they look on and think, “If he can do it, maybe I could.” Government by journalists is government by broken deadline and cheap quip.
And there he is with a tabloid story rehashed (“They like kids to run races where no one actually wins…”) The Tories pretend to care about competition while fixing the “race” for their pals and donors and telling everyone else they’ll “level up”.
Johnson speaks of “the powder rooms of north London dinner parties.” The house he sold in November 2019 was in… Islington.
There’s no point in “fact checking” Boris Johnson’s speeches. There are no facts there. Every line is a lie. Every line is a distortion. Every line is a tabloid story rehashed. Every line is bullshit. Bullshit offered up like it’s gold ingots.
The “fiberoptic vermicelli…” burbles Boris Johnson. This speech is verbal bukkake.
He just made a reference to “steering wheel-bending traffic lights”. This is kind the verbal mess that you might have expected out of Regan in his declining years. Non-sequitur after non-sequiturs, bibble after burble, more bollocks than a farmer’s bucket during neutering season.
The Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland just said, “Build back beaver.” A curséd island is now a laughably curséd island.
The Prime Minister making sure he thanks the bankers for the vaccine. Coming shortly after he threw some red meat to the commercial landlords.
Now he’s onto the Labour Party: “Their leader like a seriously rattled bus conduct — not that they have bus conductors any more…” He can’t finish even one of his weak jokes without a needless diversion.
On the day that hundreds of thousands have had their benefits cut and as food shortages and a fuel crisis continues, we’ve got a Prime Minister doing the kind of stand-up that a working men’s club comic would consider ropey.
It is 2021 and the Prime Minister just referred to “groovy new architecture”. Boris Johnson was born in 1964.
And of course he’s now churning out some culture war chuntering about Churchill, denying that he was at all racist. It is not rewriting history. It’s TELLING the history. Even fellow Tory contemporaries of Churchill considered him unusually racist.
Here’s some details contrary to the Prime Minister’s fake news history of Churchill brokenbottleboy.substack.com/p/tombs-tantru…
It tells you how broken our media has become that Boris Johnson can joke in a party conference speech about his indeterminate number of children while a Tory MP this week said poor people should “think about how many children they have”…
… a broken media where the woman who the Prime Minister had an affair with while his previous wife was being treated for cancer is now his wife and gets plaudits for her own conference speech.
This thread now available in longer form with more jokes brokenbottleboy.substack.com/p/prime-minist…
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