SINEMA: I’m running for Senate to fight for you
DEMS: Sounds good
SINEMA: Thanks!

D: You seem to be fighting against us
S: 😉👎

D: Can we ask you some questions
S: Nope!

D: Why are you so evasive
S: I’m a maverick

D: (follows Sinema into bathroom)
S: THIS IS SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS
R: The Democrats harass women in bathrooms because they are thugs who can’t accept a difference of opinion

D: It’s not the way we’d like to handle things, but Sinema sold us a false bill of goods & is deliberately avoiding any avenues of direct accountability to her constituents
R: Well, if you libs don’t like it you can vote her out! 😂

D: Great, so she’ll hold the Senate hostage for five more years while the GOP appoints Trump President-for-Life

R: I will simultaneously insist you have TDS and agree that your scare tactic sounds like a fantastic idea
D: The very least Sinema can do is provide an explanation for her obstruction of her own Party

R: Now how do you think you’re going to undo the optics of two deranged liberals harassing a woman in the bathroom

D: I don’t know

SINEMA: I’m the victim! 😉 And fuck the Democrats
R: You’ve overplayed your hand & made people more inclined to empathize with Sinema

S: I’m in the Senate & you’re not!

D: You’re right; I don’t know what can be done to make Sinema less sympathetic

S: Wanna know where I stand? BY THE ELEVATOR! 😂

D: She’s just so damn likable

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

11 Oct
Nobody in this article or elsewhere appears to speak with any real, non-hypothetical Arizonian who says “Yes, this is exactly the kind of leadership Arizona needs.”
abcnews.go.com/Politics/kyrst… Image
CNN: We’re here in Sandtrap, Arizona to speak with some Kyrsten Sinema supporters

*

(crickets)

*

(tumbleweeds)

*

CNN: No really, there must be one around here somewhere
CNN: Oh, look; here comes an Arizona Democrat now

AD: Hello

CNN: Are you a supporter of Kyrsten Sinema?

AD: Absolutely! For I am a quirky, unpredictable moderate with principles that are extremely difficult to define

CNN: Sounds like Sinema’s the right Senator for you
Read 6 tweets
6 Oct
SHIELDS: I am an extremely attractive woman, and I would like to buy a castle

ELWES: I am an extremely attractive man, and I am not entirely sure I want to sell you a castle

SHIELDS: But I am also a famous author

ELWES: Such relatable content

🎶

(cue bagpipes)
ELWES: Here, try on this scarf with an authentic Scottish tartan, which does not look the same as the tartan on your dress

SHIELDS: Are you touching my boob?

ELWES: I am not touching your boob

SHIELDS: I just came here to buy a castle, you know

ELWES: Again with the castles
SHIELDS: While you’re making up your mind, I’ll ride this bicycle through the Scottish countryside

SHEEP: baaaa

ELWES: What an odd, yet alluring woman

JIGSAW: LIVE OR DIE; MAKE YOUR CHOICE

ELWES: Oh, crap; what are you doing here

JIGSAW: I’m stuck here; she took my bicycle
Read 4 tweets
1 Oct
Unfortunately, we’re already split in two; just not by geography
news.yahoo.com/majority-trump…
The “nations” which exist in our minds are defined entirely by the perspectives through which we see the world.

One adheres mostly to observable facts; the other, an agenda-driven simulation in which Donald Trump is always right & everyone who contradicts him is a liar.
One nation acknowledges that Joe Biden won the 2020 election, and the Coronavirus is a very real threat best avoided by wearing masks, social distancing, and taking CDC-approved vaccines.

The other nation thinks every word of what I just said is a mainstream media conspiracy.
Read 12 tweets
1 Oct
She’s not just a publicity-thirsty obstructionist determined to thwart the Democrats at every turn, she’s a wine-drinking triathlete determined to thwart the Democrats at every turn
THIS IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE SHOULD WANT AN ELECTED OFFICIAL TO DO
AXIOS: Senator Sinema, what are your policy goals?

SINEMA I refuse to telegraph my precise intentions

AXIOS: I find you fascinating

SINEMA: You’ll never figure me out!

AXIOS: A political genius; a true rebel

SINEMA: (swallows glass of wine in one gulp)
Read 5 tweets
30 Sep
The “Hypocrisy Loophole” I describe in the following thread is a means for the Right to continue doing terrible things under the guise of “Both Sides Do It”, provided they can find one corroborating example on the Left.

SEE ALSO: #Whataboutism

Thread: ⬇️
It came up a lot during the “Kids in Cages” scandal. MAGAts found some sickening ways immigrants were treated in the Obama Administration & promptly concluded “That means we have to change precisely nothing.”

The policy is irrelevant; all that matters is immunity from criticism.
Republicans constantly use the Hypocrisy Loophole to justify:

- appalling sexist behavior, including but not limited to sexual assault
- refusal to take COVID vaccines
- the Jan. 6th insurrection

No efforts are made to change; their only goal is to point fingers & make excuses.
Read 4 tweets
30 Sep
“Trump World” would be the worst theme park ever
IT’S A WORLD OF SHOUTING
A WORLD OF LIES

WHERE WE BLAME OBAMA
WHEN PEOPLE DIE

WE CAN ALL VENT OUR SPLEENS
ABOUT MASKS AND VACCINES

WE’RE IN TRUMP WORLD, AFTER ALL…

🎶
IT’S A WORLD OF HOPING
YOU’RE ALL IMPRESSED

WHERE MY TV RATINGS
MEAN I’M THE BEST

WHERE I NEVER CAN LOSE
IF I BLAME THE FAKE NEWS

YOU’RE IN TRUMP WORLD, AFTER ALL…

🎶
Read 5 tweets

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