Thread by @HollowAvenger

I talked about how both Bazett and Angra go through a similar conflict throughout the story, but I intentionally left out what is essentially the core of that conflict, and what is arguably Hollow Ataraxia's main theme.

Part 2: "Fear of Death and the Continuation after the End"

Before starting, there are two things I want to note:

1- If you believe in some sort of afterlife, that's cool, but this thread assumes that there is absolutely nothing after death.

2- This is a very heavy theme and some things I'll state might make you feel uncomfortable.

And that theme is, of course, dealing with death. Not the death of loved ones, rather something heavier and more disturbing; our own death, and the subsequent fear of it, Thanatophobia. It's about how to cope with the fact that eventually, we will all just... stop existing.

As someone who is very Thanatophobic, thinking about death is... not very fun, and that's probably the reason why HA is the piece of fiction that resonates with me the most.

The first thing we get to see as we enter Bazett's perspective is a monologue that highlights that.

After all, death and the end of consciousness is something that the mind can't even conceptualize.

And it all culminates in this one simple and yet very powerful statement. A desire that I think most of us can resonate with.

The theme of Part 1 was having contradicting desires.

There is no bigger contradiction in humanity than the one between the act of living and the fear of death.

How can we live a fulfilling life if it all ultimately becomes meaningless once we die?

We may tell ourselves that there are things more important than our own lives, things worth dying for, whether they be people or ideas. I personally think that's all bullshit though. Nothing that you care about nor any impact you leave will actually matter to you once you're dead

Because well, you won't even exist to be able to care for any of it. Death isn't some weird state of being where you'll be conscious but just see darkness for an eternity. You will cease to exist, and your values, what you believe in and what you love might as well not exist too.

So does that mean that there is no point in trying to live a meaningful life at all? Should we just abandon everything and desperately cling to survival in the purest sense? Or should we just give up and die from the start? Well, let's see Hollow Ataraxia's argument.

Remember what we discovered about Bazett last time? How she feels disposable, insecure and yearns for something that would make her more than who she is. That is the source of the problem.

I believe this is the reason why Bazett fears death to such an extent, and in turn that fear is also what shapes her way of living, why does she find it hard to enjoy her life like a normal person? Because she lives her life thinking the god of death is always behind her.

It's basically having an anxiety that constantly whispers "I don't want to die when I haven't gotten enough out of life yet". The contradiction here is that such thinking is what prevents her from getting enough out of life in the first place.

This is the source of her "going through each day as if it were work" mentality, it's her way of coping. This anxiety prevents her from having fun and "living in the present" like others, because she constantly feels like she's running out of time, that it's difficult to breathe.

Thus explaining the machine-like behavior and focus on efficiency. Again it's kind of contradictory, but it's precisely because Bazett lives her life like it's a race against death and is so hyperfocused on the present that she ends up missing said present.

But that's enough about Bazett for now. It's time to take a look at the other side of the coin, the "hero" of this story. Angra is in a similar position to Bazett, but in a less direct way, the monsters that appear and attack him are a representation of his desire to escape death

But what does the Angra we recognize as our protagonist think about death?

He says this line several times across the story, it very much can be considered the motto of both him and the narrative. But what does it really mean? It sounds like a paradox on a first glance.

First we need to know why Angra thinks this way. Angra is a person whose entire life was taken away in the most unfair way imaginable, and there wasn't even anything he could justify his suffering with.

And you would think that would cause him to view humans and life purely through a hate-filled perspective, and he did... for a while, but his story doesn't end here, as an object of both worship and revile, Angra was forced to watch over humanity for millennias.

Angra essentially experienced death, his existence as an individual "ended", but through this he was able to see how it affected the greater world, how it "continued" through the lives of others, and how their own lives followed the same pattern.

This cycle of existence is the source of Angra's worldview, nothing in one's individual life matters, no matter what kind of person you are, the morals you hold or the ideals you try to reach, they will all come to an end with your death, but that doesn't mean they are pointless.

As they all influence the lives of others and thus, the world. Therefore, one should live as one wants to live, with no shame. It's a contradiction, but one that only humans are capable of, and that's the beauty of humanity that Angra fell in love with.

So when Angra says that "ending" and "not continuing" are different, he is saying that just because one's existence as a person ends, doesn't mean that it can't continue in some shape or form in the bigger picture.

Your existence, no matter how seemingly trivial and insignificant, will leave an impact on the world for the rest of time.

Beautiful message, I guess I can end the thread here right? No. Because as I said earlier, None of this would matter to a dead person who can't see it.

This isn't really going to solve neither of his nor Bazett's fear of death, not on its own.

Now we have a very interesting little dialogue here where Angra describes what he believes true salvation is.

And that's what it's all about. Nobody can be saved, and nothing we leave behind will matter to us once we're gone... but there's nothing wrong with tricking ourselves into being content with that. It's a lie, but there is no rule that a fake can't surpass the real thing, right?

Another recurring line that makes a lot more sense with this context, "bringing back the dead" isn't meant to be literal here, it represents the living carrying the legacy of the dead and ensuring their "continuation" after the "end".

Through experiencing life as Emiya Shirou, through connecting with all the people in Fuyuki and leaving an impact on their lives, his existence as Angra Mainyu may disappear forever, but everything he did as Shirou will stay behind.

Accepting his identity as Shirou, making a choice of his own will, and finding the meaning of his existence, it was all leading up to this, all so he can finally convince himself of the lie that he is content with dying here. Now all that's left is to make Bazett experience it.

And it's not just him, Caren and the other Masters and Servants naturally come to the same conclusion, although in their case, it is less that their entire existence will end and more that it will just be a dream for their real selves, but it still is a form of death.

They all come out to support Angra in the final battle, betting on that "Continuation after the End" that will be entrusted to Bazett and their real world incarnations.

We arrive at Reverse Moon, the big confrontation with Bazett. Angra could've just told her that she was alive and had nothing to fear, but that would've solved nothing, it's the real world, filled with pain and betrayal, that Bazett feared, and death is unavoidable

He set up a fight between her and Cu, the person she loved and admired the most, the one she wanted to save and be a part of, as a way of providing her with closure and allow her to settle her regrets, plus showing her how low she fell.

That she was willing to kill even Cu for the sake of staying alive in a fake world that doesn't move on. It's a betrayal of everything that she lived for and wanted to be before. Unfortunately this doesn't work and the job falls down to Angra himself.

The core of the problem is that Bazett has the wrong attitude towards life, Angra wants to change that attitude, he can't erase her fear of death, but he can help her convince herself that her life was one worth living so that when she faces it, it won't be as a miserable loser.

He convinces her through showing her how her existence, petty as it is, has become a part of something bigger, a part of himself and everyone in Fuyuki, and that she should be proud of herself for coming this far.

It's those words of validation and acknowledgement that seal the deal, Bazett already lost any reason to reject death, so she shifts the focus to Angra's own circumstances, appealing to his desire to keep on living in this paradise.
And she's right, Angra is just lying to himself

And despite feeling that way... he still decides to end it. As pointed out in the previous part, it was seeing someone in a far worse position than her making the decision that she was too cowardly to make that was the final push.

Only after this does Angra finally reveal to Bazett that she is still alive, and notice how while Bazett is surprised, she has already changed, if she gained the resolve to face and accept death, then certainly she has the resolve to go back to the real world and try again.

In the end, Bazett did what she always yearned for, in a way that she didn't expect or intend, she saved Angra, and became a part of him, and then he in turn became a part of her, through each other, they believed the lie that their lives were meaningful, they created a picture.

So what is Hollow Ataraxia's take on death? Death is unavoidable, and there's nothing wrong with fearing it. But just... live your life in such a way that when it finally comes, you can believe the lie that it was worth it.

Thanks for reading the whole thing.

There are two more special dates when it comes to Fate towards the end of this month, so be on the lookout for more threads then, particularly one about a certain sword boy and one about the other big Angra dynamic I have yet to talk about👀.