🧵#dcdating
1. In a restaurant in DuPont w/ my bff & there’s a couple on a first date next to us. Dude is the epitome of why dating in DC is the worst. They begin by sitting down & he starts mansplaining the cocktails. “Negroni really shouldn’t be drunk outside May - September.”
1. In a restaurant in DuPont w/ my bff & there’s a couple on a first date next to us. Dude is the epitome of why dating in DC is the worst. They begin by sitting down & he starts mansplaining the cocktails. “Negroni really shouldn’t be drunk outside May - September.”
2. We know it’s a first date because 10 minutes in he says “I sort of expected you to have a Nigerian accent” (goes without saying that he’s white and she’s black).
She goes “why would you think that?”
She goes “why would you think that?”
3. Then we hear “the only good thing Mississippi is that it’s not Alabama.”
Proceeds to condescendingly insult every southern state in the union. This is notable because he then says “I’m *pretty* sure DC is above the Mason Dixon line.”
Proceeds to condescendingly insult every southern state in the union. This is notable because he then says “I’m *pretty* sure DC is above the Mason Dixon line.”
4. Don’t know how to explain how this happened but we then hear “robots are in charge but we don’t recognize that they’re in charge.”
(He’s the only one participating in this date by the way…)
(He’s the only one participating in this date by the way…)
5. At this point we’ve given up all pretense of having our own conversation & are whispering to our waitress about this. She is astounded.
Overheard: “Honestly that movie was the most emblematic I’ve ever seen of systematic police brutality.”
We don’t know what movie this is.
Overheard: “Honestly that movie was the most emblematic I’ve ever seen of systematic police brutality.”
We don’t know what movie this is.
6. Now he’s telling her about the times he participated in the DC drag race. “You always know who the straight men are in this because they’re really ugly.”
At least he’s right about one thing…
#dcdatingnightmares
At least he’s right about one thing…
#dcdatingnightmares
7. This whole date, which is over an hour and a half long is a monologue. (By the way… we are currently standing outside waiting to see what happens when they leave…)
“DC is just full of douchebags. Specifically douchebags who complain about DC.”
He then proceeds to complain about DC for a while and all the douchebag politicians who decide stuff who we have no say in electing.
(Our waitress keeps coming back to find out the latest.)
He then proceeds to complain about DC for a while and all the douchebag politicians who decide stuff who we have no say in electing.
(Our waitress keeps coming back to find out the latest.)
9. At this point I just want him to go to the bathroom so I can tell her that if she wants to make a break for it we’ll cover for her…
10. I hate him.
11. So then he’s talking about visiting St Louis before he went to law school (of course he’s a lawyer… & we say this as lawyers ourselves), and how someone just said “hi” to him on the street.
“It wasn’t like a homeless man or a crazy person though!”
He was confused it seems.
“It wasn’t like a homeless man or a crazy person though!”
He was confused it seems.
12. He has now extended his complaints to states outside the south & says the only place for good bagels outside NYC is some place in Silver Spring… and that’s only because the dad who owns it is from NYC. (This dude is from Jersey btw).
13. “Some people just have no self awareness.”
(Friend I’m with snorts her drink. Waitress stops in her tracks.)
(Friend I’m with snorts her drink. Waitress stops in her tracks.)
14. Our waitress apparently overheard his name and has written us a note to give it to us so we can find out who he is.
15. We have located him on Facebook.
There’s not a lot on his page (I forgot to mention when he was proudly telling her he doesn’t “gram” or “twit” and has only ever seen a couple of “snaps”) but, there is a repost from 2012 of a “What Has Obama Even Done For Us?” page. Classic.
There’s not a lot on his page (I forgot to mention when he was proudly telling her he doesn’t “gram” or “twit” and has only ever seen a couple of “snaps”) but, there is a repost from 2012 of a “What Has Obama Even Done For Us?” page. Classic.
16. So early on we tried to figure out what this man did for a living. Our guesses were craft bartender or lawyer.
We were both right.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but it turns out he’s a “craft beverage lawyer.”
We were both right.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but it turns out he’s a “craft beverage lawyer.”
17. A CRAFT BEVERAGE LAWYER.
18. He mentions they are going to a second location.
We are horrified for her.
We’re standing outside. She’s standing outside. He’s crouching at a table talking to a dog. Comes out, “I made a doggy friend!”
We are horrified for her.
We’re standing outside. She’s standing outside. He’s crouching at a table talking to a dog. Comes out, “I made a doggy friend!”
19. We watched them leave (he has to get his bike) and she’s walking as far away from him on the sidewalk as she possibly can.
Well…
Good night and good luck.
Well…
Good night and good luck.
20. Ending thread with a reminder that this article was recently published…
If true (it’s not), I shudder to imagine what dating is like in the rest of the nation.
Pray for us.
washingtonian.com/2021/09/24/cou…
If true (it’s not), I shudder to imagine what dating is like in the rest of the nation.
Pray for us.
washingtonian.com/2021/09/24/cou…
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