Thread by @StillDelvingH

From times to times, I diverge from politics and say stuff about my life.
Sometimes awful, sometimes fun.
Sometimes it can be both at the same time.
Like that time my "dad" (been adopted since them by the man who raised me) lost us on a volcano.
But it was "OK", it was pretty 😬

I was 10, my baby brother was 6.
Our month of holidays with "dad" was an occasion to "compensate" how we were "pathetically raised" by our mother (as in, normally if that's a thing).
So we were lucky enough to visit 2 to 3 museums a day (to be cultured) and get trek training.

When we arrived on Stromboli Island, we had already spend almost a month in Italy, mostly visiting 6 hours a day while reading out loud the Michelin Green Guide and replying to insighful questions to make sure we'd remember everything.
Say we were tired would be an understatement

Also -As always when we where scheduled to walk for hours- we had gotten up real early. My brother was half-asleep, and our backpacks were quite heavy, as the point was to climb on top of the Stromboli and spend the night there. It was hot already (average 26 °C in July)

After going through the village,we arrived at the bottom of the trail to go to the top
Where there was a big sign
Saying "Hey stupid it's forbidden to go there without a guide"
(OK it didn't say "hey stupid" but it shld have)
So "dad" proudly took a picture of us in front of it🤦‍♀️

Was I terrified at that point? Yes.
Nowhere close to how I would feel a few hours later though.
Did you know?
The Stromboli is a *big* volcano.
And well we were 10 and 6 -also "annoying brats" always "whining" we were tired & needed a break, instead of "embracing the experience".

Which is a shame when the ("Amazing! How can you not see that you ingrateful lame-as-your-mother children!") experience lasted *11* f*cking hours
But hey, we took a detour
As the "dad" who was so proud he "didn't need a guide"...
... got lost.
On a volcano.
And not just anywhere.

I did not make a picture then because I was too busy trying not to roll down the rockfall slope
This 👇, that I found on the Internet, roughly looks like where we was. The yellow patches. The fumaroles shooting out the ground with no warning. The sulphur smell.
"It was a blast!"

"For whatever reason", I "wasn't thrilled".
"Dad" (who, I guess, had finally understood his stupidity may end up killing us) was yelling at us for not being supportive enough.
My 6 yrs old bro, who couldn't walk anymore since an hour or two, was on his back, in sort of a stasis

And then the night started to fall. 👍

We finally managed to exit the sulphured rockfall (quite a relief, I must say) and kept walking, and walking, and walking, until -Miracle! (If I have a guardian angel I apologise for the extra hours)- we found the path again.
So we were still walking but not lost anymore -yeah!

When we arrived at the top, and found a camping site, it was 10 or 11 pm (I don't remember for sure). We had had a picnic round noon and a snack at 4, but we were, like, starving.
No worries because "dad" had everything planned!
He proudly got out of his bag... bolinos (one each)

And that's the *so funny* moment "dad" realised his calculation was slightly wrong, and 1 liter of water a person for a two-days trek wasn't quite exactly enough -especially when you need water for the evening meal.
So we got crispy bolinos prepared with half the water needed.

It was pitch dark, there was nothing to see and we were exhausted. So we fell asleep, shivering in our sleeping bags, thinking whatever for still being alive.
Only to be shaken up two hours later:
"Look! The volcano is erupting! See? Isn't this amazing?"
🥱
I had to take pictures

He woke us up 2 or 3 times to see the eruptions -that were rather small but honestly? Fine with that.
When the morning came, "dad" erupted into a tantrum because we wouldn't walk like 2 to 4 more hours to get closer to the main crater
But wife #2 (I've lost count now) stood firm.

The think is, we had just finished our water.
We hadn't a drop left.
And you know the funny thing, when you're on top of a big mountain?
There's no lift.
*You need to f*cking walk down the whole thing*
With a compulsory smile on your face

We were faster, I think - probably 9/10 hours "only".
But honestly? That kind of trek by 26°C (if not more) with 0 water to drink is like, hell on Earth.
(Which was sort of fitting for the volcano experience, I guess)
On the bright side, "dad" throat was so dry he stopped yelling

When we (FINALLY!) arrived at the village,instead of crossing it to get to the ferry station *where there was water* "dad" knocked at all the door yelling in Frenchtalian that us, his kids, were about to drop dead if them motherf*cker did not open their door immediatly to help us

(Ah, childhood memories.. Ain't they the best)
At one point wife #2 got him to stop harassing people and walk through and WE FINALLY HAD WATER.
It was time to get back to the camping, so we could leave in the middle of the night as "dad" and wife #2 only have the fuel money left

On the bright side, as we got back from the tip of Italy's boot to the French Alp in 2 days, driving all day long and sleeping in a camping we knew we wouldn't pay, anxiety was slightly reduced by the sleep-inducing exhaustion.
So there was that.

And, at the same time, I'm not complaining, because "dad" did not lost us on a volcano the year it did this 👇
There's always a bright side to everything, except when there isn't, in which case relying on dark irony and sarcastic laughing is advised.
Have a good day everyone.

(Side note: You know the good thing about having had a terrible childhood, way too many paedos in my life and awful losses? When I tell people about my life, it generally makes them feel way better about theirs. So there's that.)
(Also, some had it even worse than me.)

OK time to get back to work now
Today I'm writing articles about that amazing trip to Japan I never did (for the fifth time)
(Yeah I know but a girl gotta pay the bills)