Thread by @word_water_wine

Sadly, “service to the Lord” in American church culture often means taking on unreasonable expectations & duties for the church.

This often leads to sacrificing one’s family on the altar of the ministry, and this can happen very accidentally.

To quote Arcade Fire, ministry today often means “working for the church while your family dies.”

But this is not a godly sacrifice but a lack of boundaries that causes one to emotionally abandon oneself & one’s family.

The lack of emotional self-awareness in ministry can be devastating to one’s family and can lead to a real emotional abandonment on many levels.

Sadly, I’ve seen this again and again. Healthy boundaries are forsaken for “service to God.”

Kids see this and understand that they are not as important as “the ministry” & they end up seeing God in that light. God is responsible for taking away their parent’s love & attention.

Spouses feel this as well and can often get sucked into to thinking it’s their sacrifice that they too must grin and bear.

Children of pastors, professors and theologians often leave the faith because of this. They feel from a young age that the “work of the Lord” is more important than their needs.

They’ve been emotionally abandoned even if it’s not on purpose.

Ministerial sincerity doesn’t atone for these sins of omission or commission.

It’s not without reason that Paul says a qualification for elders and pastors is that their children are believers.

How a parent in ministry handles their children emotionally and spiritually is one of the many litmus tests of faithfulness and calling.

This isn’t to say it’s always the pastors’ etc fault but it’s a good general rule.

Kids who “rebel” or act out often do so from emotional trauma or spiritual abuse and not feeling unconditionally loved.

So when popular pastors or teachers show no emotional awareness to others’ real needs, it isn’t for nothing that Paul commends us to look at their children and see.

This is the wisdom Paul gives us that we sacrifice for “celebrity” or “genius” or power.

These kinds of illegitimate sacrifices can happen in small ways or grand ways.

In the end, this causes us to sacrifice the way of Christ — and subsequently sacrifice our children —on the altar of influence or ministerial success.

If we are in ministry, family care and self-care are the first callings. If we cannot do that, we aren't called to ministry at all.

All this to say, your self-care is important. If you don't take care of yourself emotionally, you are no good to your family or church burned out all the time. Then, take care of your family. They are God's eternal litmus test for faithfulness.

Love God, self, and neighbor.

I know that during the pandemic things aren't easy for anyone. If you are going to sacrifice anything, don't let it be your emotional health or your family's.

Sacrifice working for the church. It will survive without you. Jesus reigns.

God's love for you is not based on whether or not you are in the ministry.

He loves you and wants your freedom and flourishing.

God wants your emotional health more than he wants you to be serving vocationally in the church.

God wants your family to feel his love through you. That is the most important thing.