Thread by @reclaimingtrans

When I was part of the rad fem detrans community, I wasn't given space to evaluate whether detransition was working for me or change my mind. Not only that, I felt like something was wrong with me when I became dissatisfied with my detransition, like I was messing up somehow.

I had internalized rad fem ideology so deeply and was so invested in the rad fem detrans community, I couldn't just think "well, I tried this and it didn't work out so let's try something else out." No, I thought I was the problem because I wasn't happy living as a detrans woman.

I was evaluating my life according to the values of the group, not my own happiness and well-being. When I tried to talk to another detrans woman about my dissatisfaction, she acted like I was messed up for feeling like things weren't working out. She got mad at me.

I was just supposed to keep living as a detrans woman and talking about it publicly as if it was going well regardless of how I actually felt about my life. I spent about half my detransition feeling fucking miserable and trapped but like I couldn't change course.

I wasn't given space to make sense of my life on my own terms. My happiness and well-being weren't valued, just my ability to live up to transphobic rad fem ideology so I could help spread it. I felt like I was the fucked up one for being unhappy and questioning my choices.

It took me years to get my head together enough to realize that I wasn't "crazy" and get out. I was so unhappy living as a radical feminist lesbian but I thought that was because I still had internalized misogyny, that I was wrong for being unhappy.

I felt guilty because the radical feminist lifestyle I was living wasn't making me happy. I really thought there was something wrong with me because I felt out of place among cis lesbians. I thought feeling different from them meant I was still "broken" and "gender dysphoric".

I thought my gender dysphoria was rooted in internalized misogyny and trauma and I felt guilty whenever I "indulged" it, meaning let myself feel like I was different from cis women or felt like a kind of female man or genderqueer. I had so many feelings I kept to myself.

I felt guilty when I read about trans people & felt a sense of recognition. I had lots of secret fantasties about living as a trans person & I felt dirty and ashamed for having them. I wasn't supposed to be so dysphoric after being detrans for so long so I kept quiet about them.

My head was so messed up that I thought I was somehow helping people by suffering silently and acting like everything was working out when it wasn't. The other detrans women I was close to reinforced this view. I was supposed to be a "success story". It was all fucking bullshit.

Detrans women who had supported me when my story lined up with their beliefs withdrew their support when I started changing my mind. Not only that, they acted like I could hurt other people in the community. Like if I came out as trans, I might "infect" others with my "delusion".

Ultimately, it made me feel like detrans women I had trusted and gone to for support never cared about me as a person, only someone they could use to spread specific anti-trans narratives about transition amd detransition. I felt used and betrayed by people I'd been close to.

From my experience, anti-trans ideological detrans communities aren't about actually supporting people who detransition, they're cultish groups that exploit people's suffering to push transphobic politics and try to restrict access to transition.

Not only did I not get what I needed from the rad fem detrans community, I ended up so indoctrinated that I felt like I was the problem when my detransition didn't work out for me! I felt like I had to stay detransed even though I was miserable and dysphoric.

What a fucking waste of time all because I live in a society that takes cis people's "concerns" and fears about trans people and transitioning more seriously than trans people's happiness and well-being. Why should I or any trans person suffer to make cis people more comfortable?

Why are happy trans people so scary to cis people, so much so that they prefer that we torture and brainwash ourselves instead? Why do they want me to pretend that I'm happier not being trans and reward me for lying? What's so scary about someone like me having a good life?

I just want people to get what the need to be happy and free. Real resources for people who detransition, not toxic groups based in transphobic ideology. A world where trans and GNC people get whatever we need to live well. Stop wasting our time & let us have the joy we deserve.