Thread by @StillDelvingH

Been there -as the victim and mother of the victim
It’s just so mean to talk about nasty things making everyone uncomfortable
Why would you want to ruin everyone’s life
mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/m…

Not all my family reacted like that fortunately -but most couldn’t forgive speaking up.
They were more comfortable with pretending nothing happened or show forgiveness to the one who did awful things but didn’t embarrass them with it

I understand *really well* how anyone who can just wants to stay far, far away with it
I guess it's a reflex. A self-protective move
But it just adds to the trauma. The people turning their back to you. Truly to what happened to you, as it's unbearable -but, in practice -to you

Like you're cursed &the curse is contagious somehow
&then comes the dismissal, the excuses -the blame&shame process
You're either too traumatised (suggest you have other problems and may be lying or exaggerating) or you're not traumatised enough _so probably lying or exaggerating

It makes people more comfortable to pretend nothing happen, but also to blame the victim, because deep inside, they ressent her/him making them feel a glimpse of what she/he's been through, when they were lucky enough to be spared
Don't tarnish my life with your horror stories

If you're lucky enough, some people will love you enough to get past it -to offer comfort and support.
And it's good because being abused already makes you feel like a dirty toy, like you're not a person
People shunning you away, standing for nothing happen just make things worse

It's hard enough already to find oneself behind the trauma. It's hard enough to feel "repaired". Should I talk about it, should *I* pretend nothing happen so I can get a chance at being "unsoiled"? At not being given that look, at not feeling broken?
It's tricky enough believe me

So if you're in the situation of supporting someone who went through this, here's my advice
It's a car accident-except the other driver willingly hurt you, while enjoying it
But it's not the victim's fault -obviously. It's not because she/he had a skirt or smiled, or asked for it

And the car accident scars ain't contagious -you have nothing to fear. It's still the same person, who's been badly hurt. And scars heal. With time, work on it, support -scars heal. We all have scars, some worse than others. But we're not our scars. See us past them please

And maybe we do need this f*cking medal
Not to celebrate what happened, obviously
To celebrate surviving it
To be told that we matter
That ultimately people stand with *us*
We could write "no shame on you" on it

https://twitter.com/StillDelvingH/status/1444322565909012486?s=20

The harsh reality is 80% of us are abused by people who everyone considers "fantastic"
Predators don't walk among us with "abuser" tatooed on their forehead, they make sure to be seen through the "fantastic" lense
Can we put that myth to end

https://twitter.com/CoE_children/status/1461258707627610118?s=20