Thread by @naomicfisher

When children are unhappy at school, their parents often feel intense shame. It's no easier for the young people themselves. When I was a teenager, I refused to go to school. I can still feel the distress of that time in my body. 1/ link.medium.com/J2MQasxeolb

I started a new school and nothing went right there. My peers rejected me and I found the lessons boring and pointless. Soon I started to feel actually ill when I went to school. Heavy, achey, tired. My glands swelled up. 2/

As an adult, I know that my body often responds in this way to an environment which isn't right. I've had all sorts of physical symptoms which tell me when something isn't the right place for me. Prickles under my skin, headaches, a buzzing in my ears. 3/

As an adult, I have left jobs because of these feelings. As a teenager, I had no option to quit. I was trapped. The symptoms were telling me something was wrong, but there was no way to act upon it. 4/

I didn't know this then. I thought there must be something wrong with me. I was fine as long as I was at home, but the dread of going to school cast a pall over everything. 5/

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I 'just fit in better'? Everyone else seemed to be fine, why wasn't I? 6/

People looked for medical causes, or they labelled it as 'school phobia'. But I wasn't 'phobic'. I didn't feel anxious unless someone tried to force me to go to school. I just hated the whole set up and felt it was a waste of my time. 7/

This happens a lot. When we diagnose young people with anxiety (or a whole host of other 'disorders') we locate the problem in them. Their dislike of school becomes a mental health problem, and therefore apparently treatable by therapists or doctors. 8/

The assumption behind this is that not wanting to go to school is a dysfunctional response in the young person, which requires treatment. 9/

What if not wanting to go to school is not dysfunctional? What if actually those young people are the clear-sighted ones? If you feel alienated by the environment and you don't find your lessons interesting or meaningful, why would you go back to school each day? 10/

Then individual therapy won't help, because the problem isn't the young person, it's the system. We need to ask, is this school a psychologically healthy place to go? Is it a place where young people feel respected and valued? 11/

I think that, as adults, we should ask ourselves, would I be happy if I was living my child's life? If I spent a day in their shoes, how would I feel? Would I be able to maintain my sense of wellbeing, if I had to do what they do? 12/

And the next step after that is to ask, given who my child is and everything I know about them, is this a place which they can be happy? Is their life right for them? If not, let's start with trying to change their environment, rather than them. 13/