Thread by @delaneykingrox

Being openly intersex and travelling the world talking to game developers, who have a high proportion of LGBTIQA+ members as an industry, I have had the privilege of having developers feel that they can open up to me about their struggles with things like being intersex.

The chats I have had are magical. Moments where people say "I was alone, I didn't know there were others like me in the industry".

Every time this happens it chips away at my own feelings of alienation and otherness.

One thing every intersex person who I have met is that they are extremely accepting of other LGBTIQA+ people. They get what it is like to be othered, and they are invariably kind, supportive people.

I have yet to meet a single intersex person who is transphobic or homophobic.

Being intersex means not fitting that binary, regardless of if you want to or not. Your body sits somewhere outside the arbitrarily defined boundaries of what doctors class as "male" and "female".

It can be obvious, hidden or subtle.

Some of us never even find out.

Some of us has been surgically "corrected" (butchered) at birth to fit that arbitrary ideal. This still happens and it is devastating.

Some of us feel comfortable in our assigned gender, some of us do not. Some of us feel we need to transition, some of us do not.

But the one defining thing is that having gone through this process of discovery about ourselves, of being in a gray area... which feels all a lot like being in that strip of land between two, barb wire covered walls with guards on them... it changes your perspective on others.

It's a painful, scary place to be. And it also puts you in the firing line from both sides.

I cannot understand anyone who has been through that experience who can hate, actually hate anyone else in that situation.

It just doesn't make sense.

And I just have not seen it...

...in the intersex people who I am friends with, or those who share their story with me.

I feel our voices are stolen and used as puppets for hate groups all the time.

We are living, breathing examples of how their world view is wrong. And that's dangerous.

When I was told by my doctor what I was, suddenly a million things about my life fell into place. It was a huge shock, I was stunned for ages, it felt like being inside a huge Rubick's cube and watching all the colors start to line up.

Afterwards I just wanted to know everything I could. I read up on the science, (which I had a head start on because I studied Human Biology at college) and watched a tonne of biology videos and documentaries. It's fascinating, and blows your mind how everything actually works

What I learned was completely different to what they taught me at highschool about genetics. And as that is where most people stop, it is no surprise at all that people have no idea of the science of sexual development in humans.

Education has failed us.

So, I decided to be open about it, educate people when and where I could, as best as I could.

Still, it absolutely kills me when I see people claiming to be intersex pushing TERF ideology. They are either liars or... well... I cannot imagine the mental gymnastics required.

I have never met anyone intersex who has not had their mind blown apart by that revelation and as a result opened their heart to others.

It just beggars belief that we could hate anyone struggling with variations in sexuality or gender.

I would be highly suspicious of any "intersex activist" or group pushing hate speech of any kind.

When I found out I was intersex, I also found out about how HRT transition actually works, and I felt an incredible sense of being able to finally breathe at the thought of being in control of my body.

I could push it more towards male, or more towards female. Wow.

For me, there was no question or hesitation. When I found that I could use hormones to express different parts of my own actual genes- the ones traditionally considered "female", it just blew my mind. I didn't have a choice- i HAD to jump in, or I knew I would die.

That isn't how all intersex people feel. We are individuals, and we each have an individual relationship with our bodies and our gender identity and our gender expression.

Because I was assigned male at birth, and medically transitioned to female, I am transgender.

But I was never actually male, by definition I was intersex... somewhere in between.

Thus I am classed as both intersex AND transgender.

Personally from what I have seen of the studies, I suspect there are several potential causes that could each result in what we class as 'transgender', and that it could be considered a subset of intersex.

That theory can cause violent outburts in many, but it makes sense...

... that is to say that they are not the same thing and should be lumped together. Each variation have our own stories to tell, our own problems, our own medical and psychological care needs.

All Intersex people aren't transgender, but some of us are.

But the theory that some transgender people may have parts of their brains that do not bond to androgen hormones, as in Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (PAIS).

Others may have been exposed to hormone leaks through the womb whilst the brain is forming.

Regardless of how it happens, the brain develops at a specific stage separate to the genitals and hormones may act upon it, creating a mismatch in genital development and the parts of the brain that handle our perceptions and expectations of our gender (gender identity).

So you don't really have two neatly distinct camps with intersex people in one and transgender people in the other.

Intersex people may transition so their body fits their gender identity. This may be part way, or all the way in either end of the spectrum.

So, again, it just does not make sense that intersex people attack trans or gay people.

We are, as far as I have encountered, very aware of our overlaps and shared struggles.

Right?

So once again I want to thank those who have shared their stories.

At the end of the day, know that there are a LOT of intersex people around you. You are not alone. And there is kindness and understanding- though it may often get shouted over by poisonous people.

Humans are complex organisms with endless variations. It is those variations, those mutation that are the very backbone of evolution. It is nature riffing... trying out stuff.

Diversity is a strength, not a corruption. It IS the natural order.

You are okay.

Thanks for listening.

Here is a run through of being intersex and the fascinating biology of human sexual differentiation in my dumb ass laymans terms. Enjoy

https://twitter.com/delaneykingrox/status/995525175255879682?t=zld6aMyxX4r_MxILo3rBIw&s=19