My disabled 15 year old son still sometimes needs help in the bathroom. We are constantly harassed and attacked when I bring him into the ladies room, but that started when he was 7. All this bathroom hate is also impacting caretakers of disabled people of the opposite sex.
He’s autistic with audio sensory issues and I’ve had women scream at me or worse, at him, about being in the women’s room. It’s gotten so bad, I’ll often just drive all the way home from wherever we are to let him use our bathroom rather than risk being yelled at by strangers.
He doesn’t need as much help with toileting now, but is often afraid to go into a crowded mens’ room alone and wants to stay with me. I go into the ladies room or locker room and tell women I’ll be bringing him in. Some are very understanding. Some are just vicious about it.
Until a recently, he needed help w/his pants, wiping. I’ve had women yelling at me under the stall to, “just teach that kid to take care of himself.” Uh, like wow, thanks for the idea, I’d never thought of that. Now because of the drama, I think he’s afraid of bathrooms.
I think because of all the abuse he’s faced in bathrooms by people who clearly don’t understand his needs, even now when he is trained, and can do most by himself, he’s just afraid to go in alone and be screamed at without me there to tell someone to F off or STFU.
I should be able to take my disabled child of the opposite sex into a bathroom w/out being harassed. He should be able to be helped without being shamed or screamed at. I often stop by the side of the road and let him go outside to avoid a public restroom if we’re far from home.
This is our world. Where this obsession with trans kids not using bathrooms, which is vicious enough, is impacting caretakers of disabled people of the opposite sex as well. He’s in a locked stall; he’s not hurting anyone. Neither are trans kids.
Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t use public restrooms if you can’t deal with all kinds of people using them. I shouldn’t have to explain bathroom issues of a disabled person in front of him to rank strangers. He doesn’t exist to be anyone’s teachable moment.
The moral of our little story? Stop being an asshole. Mind your own business. Do a pee and move on. I’m not going to endanger or let my son feel fearful to placate bigots. I owe nobody an explanation or apology. Many owe my son an apology. He’s better than all who’ve judged him.
Maybe the next time you feel compelled to yell at one who you think shouldn’t be in a particular bathroom, think of the harm and shame you’re causing, and the fact that it’s people like you who’ve made a simple act like taking a pee, a fearful and shameful experience for others

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More from @JenniAgitator

16 Dec
Parents Defending Education is a dark money funded right wing group that is very ableist, with an ableist, medical model agenda. If your child is disabled; this group does not see them as fully human. Their answer for disability are segregated private schools w/little oversight
Also, the silence of PDE on restraint and seclusion bans of disabled kids is deafening. But they know the private schools they pimp for aren’t IDEA or ADA compliant, can assault kids in 48 states with no federal oversight on disabled abuse.
We hear a lot from PDE about library books, nothing from PDE about ND abuse. For example, Judge Rotenberg Center, who still routinely subject NDs to shock torture; where’s the outrage?JRC is a private school who refuse to comply w/ADA or FDA on shock abuse
Read 6 tweets
16 Dec
I’ve spent a lot of time explaining why most neurodivergents hate person first language and functioning labels, but I’m really digging the simplicity of the message of this autistic self-advocate vm.tiktok.com/ZM8cApWpf/
Person first language: a person with autism. ew. Our neurotypes are our identities, hence ID first is preferred: autistic person. Telling me you have to designate me as a person before my identity is dehumanizing.
Functioning labels are a measure of how neurotypicals think we fit in & act like them. Support needs center the ND. It’s not “low functioning person w/autism.” It’s “autistic person w/high support needs.” I’m not high a functioning ADHD. I’m an ADHD person w/low support needs.
Read 6 tweets
16 Dec
Here’s the book the haters have targeted next. A book about gender identity, teaching kids to love themselves and others. As soon as I saw this was their next target, I bought it. Please support inclusive authors. Don’t let them shut down freedom of speech amazon.com/dp/1250302951/…
But I didn’t buy it in revolt to the fascism of book burners. I bought it to read to children. The more kids know about more people, the more love & less bullying will occur. Hopefully, they wont grow up into hateful bigots like their poor parents are. Our kids are under attack.
But not only our kids, but also courageous authors who write or illustrate literature to broaden the minds and experiences of children, to teach them what acceptance and kindness are, to teach them to love all people like them or different.
Read 7 tweets
6 Dec
I watched this and was very disappointed for many reasons. 1. All views weren’t in fact heard, because it was clear nobody in the discussion had read either book. I think it’s intellectually dishonest to discuss books nobody on the panel nor anyone calling in have actually read.
As one who has read both, I’d like to make some points. 1st off, all of us defending these books are routinely called, “predators,” & “groomers.” I was the victim of a 19 year old pedophile when I was 5 years old. I was groomed, then raped repeatedly. I take pedophilia seriously
I have been a decades long rape justice activist and have worked in rape crisis centers as a rape victim advocate for 26 years. There is nothing more painful or insulting, given my experience, than to be called a sex offender. This experience is important. I’ll explain
Read 37 tweets
28 Jul
@theautismcafe You don’t get to pretend you speak for all parents of high needs autistic kids. I’ve set my ego aside, learned far more about my aut sons by listening to autistic people. I don’t actually know more about my autistic sons than autistic people do. I have no problem admitting that
@theautismcafe I had no idea who you are, but it seems the main part of your advocacy is only validating the autism of my high support needs aut son as you malign and invalidate people like my lower needs aut son. Autism advocacy isn’t trashing autistic people. Your page is traumatizing for me
@theautismcafe Rather than intentionally attack and harm autistic people who clearly are dealing w/trauma reactivity/pain, why not just block people? That’s what I intend to do w/you after I say my piece. You are causing grave harm to people already hurting. This hurts me to watch, so I won’t
Read 12 tweets
2 Feb 20
An open letter to
Senators Alexander and Rubio, and Trump-ericans,
STOP
telling me his cruelty, pettiness, vulgarity, self-aggrandizing, lies, crimes or corruption are offensive to you, BUT..
Anything before the word but doesn’t matter. I mean nothing, stop.
We’re sick of it.
You don’t get to both feign decency AND keep trump.
You have to pick.
And the time to choose isn’t now. You made your choice in November 2016, and all he’s ever done and ever will do, you are fine with, so please stop boring us with the split screen morality.
•You are a birther
•You are fine with foreign powers subverting the elections of western democracies.
•You welcome corruption and lies as long as it’s a means to an end.
•You are the men who marched through the streets of Charlottesville with tiki torches.
Read 18 tweets

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