Thread by @diaryofa9jagirl

I have just read a post on Twitter about how heartbreaking it is when your friend of the opposite sex wants more from the relationship but you don’t feel the same way and you’d simply like to stay friends.

I’ll tell you my story.

We were colleagues in the same industry, he had more experience and I was always excited to learn from him. We became fast friends on our way to the UK to attend a conference, we were inseparable at the conference. We attended parties and meetings together and shopped together.

He was such a delight and it was easy for me to talk about my relationship and everything else that my spirit felt free enough to share.

He was single so I made it my mission to find him a girl.He would listen to me go on and on about my love then tell me, “you’re a lucky girl.”

It made me happy that he would think so and for this reason, I intensified my search to find him someone suitable.

He rejected all of them and found faults with them or an excuse not to call.

I remember getting frustrated and saying, “Oga you can tell me if you’re gay.”

He said, “do you want to test if I’m gay? You can come and test me o, since your mouth is sharp.”

I laughed it off.

In 2012, we had been friends for two years when he asked that I go to brunch with him. He said he wanted to share some industry news with me.

I was always up for food, especially because that day, he had chosen my favourite restaurant.

As soon as I saw him, I knew something was wrong. He wasn’t smiling and he wore denim and slippers; he never dressed that way except he was at home or taking a short walk in his estate.

“What’s wrong?” I asked before taking my seat.

“Nothing. I told you I’ve not been sleeping much now.”

“Yes, you did. Is that why you’re wearing slippers on a Wednesday afternoon? Didn’t you go to work?” I responded.

He didn’t smile at my jab at him,

my anxiety immediately reared its ugly head.

I was looking through the menu when he said, “Ifedayo, what are we really doing here, you and I? What’s this relationship that we have, what’s it called?”

My heart dropped and landed tumultuously inside my intestines.

“I don’t understand. Which relationship? What are we doing how?” I asked, knowing deep down what he meant, still hoping I was wrong.

“I want more from this, I can’t keep pretending that I’m not attracted to you or that I want only friendship…

I want us to be more than friends so I’m officially asking you out.”

Ah! I needed us to get over that situation quickly so I told him, “I’m sorry but I can’t be with you the way you want. Please let’s just remain friends. Jor, let’s not spoil it.”

It felt like doom was coming.

He said, “I can’t be friends with you anymore. It’s too much torture for me. I know you, if you felt something for me you would have said it but this is me trying. I can’t be friends, at least for now. Please.”

He meant it, I could tell when he’s serious.

He shook his head continuously as though he was disagreeing with a voice in his head. He brought out some money, pushed the Naira notes towards me, then he got up and left.

My stomach turned, squeezing my heart in the process, forcing tears to pull in my eyes.

I never felt what he felt but I wish we never stopped talking;he stopped picking my calls after then.

The next time I heard from him was in 2015,he sent me his wedding invite. I gladly attended.

Breaking up our friendship was tough for me, I imagine it was the same for him too.