Do you know why I talk about sisterhood and women uplifting women A LOT? Because every single day, I witness what it feels like to be supported by women who don’t know me.
Here’s something that happened recently: A DANG community member was at a popular store to buy stuff,
this store has branches in almost all the states in Nigeria. As she shopped, the manager of the store asked her what perfume she was wearing, she said she was wearing Zeus by DANG. The manager had no idea what Dang! Lifestyle was but this community member gave her all the details
she needed, asked her to go to the website, that we have so many other products available, she went further by recommending that this store stock ALL DANG products as it will be good business for them.
Guess who’s in my email right now discussing as a potential stockist?
My neighbours moved in over two weeks ago and we haven’t officially met. I say officially because I see them through my window as they drive to and from work. I have seen them, I just haven’t met them.
The couple seems quite reserved, I wonder how they go to work in the mornings without giving each other a peck or a smile. Yes, I watch them, I watch everyone as they go out in the morning. It is kind of my morning ritual.
Because I have manners,
I take a small fruit basket with me.
I’m at the door, announcing my presence but there’s no answer. I’m sure they’re in, they drove in at the same time earlier this evening.
“Who is there?” I finally hear a muffled voice from the other side.
Here’s why Don Jazzy could announce his newly acquired home -arms spread right in front of the house to indicate enlargement and space- without backlash but a woman who does the same would be dragged for bragging and probably sleeping around to be able to afford such.
I remember when I was younger, many of our aunts and mothers’ friends bought houses secretly and left the house to their children or sold the property(ies) to take care of their children when necessary.
The boys knew it, the girls knew it, we all accepted this as normal.
Why did our aunts and mothers see the need to buy these properties albeit secretly? The basic human need for independence,to be your own person, to have something that you can record as yours and yours alone.
Many boys and girls grew up seeing this and interpreted it this way:
It was the 90s, everything good happened on Sunday-night-Tv, especially for kids and families. However, Sunday nights without power were the worst days for us, especially because not one flat in the compound had a generator.
No generator meant the parents had to entertain us which wasn’t a bad idea in itself, except that on this day, I was itching to share special news with Ngozi, the first child of our neighbour, mama Ngozi.
As we all sat in the living room listening to Mama share her childhood story with us, my mind left the present, all I could see was Ngozi telling me I was too young to wear a bra, she said all the boys would think I was too old and they wouldn’t toast me. I ran upstairs,
Turns out, many women have the desire to be thought of as easygoing or being raised to be a good girl. When you investigate deeper, you find that they’re more interested in looking like a “good girl” to men, not to everyone.
Even when you know it’s time for GBAS GBOS and then some, you do everything “right” to avoid any conflict or, “get in trouble.”
Aunty, come off it!
It saddens me that, after all these years of women's increasing independence and power, so many women still live their lives,
seeking validation from another human just so they can be seen worthy and/or acceptable to date.
When you don’t get the expected good treatment, you say things like, “I guess good girls always finish last.”
Yesterday, we all saw a video of Omoh F., a Nigerian soldier assaulting a woman because he had his uniform on and he had a belt. Simply put, he assaulted her because he could.
While this was going on, a young man in the audience repeatedly said to the lady being assaulted,
“He can be your husband o...respect him.”
A woman is being assaulted, another man asked her to stop arguing simply because, in another life, this assaulter could be married to her which automatically gives him the right to beat her while she’s OBLIGATED to take it.
Therein lies the reason we say patriarchy is ingrained in our society. Not only do men hold the power, but it is also generally expected for them to wield it as they please without repercussions.
This brings me to my question: WHY IS FEMINISM STILL REBUFFED BY MANY WOMEN?
This evening, I drove past Lekki Toll gate, I realised I had become accustomed to that place being our peaceful protest ground. So I parked my car on the right side of the Toll, alighted and stood by the car, my back rested on the driver’s door.
Compared to the air of hope, unity, excitement and determination that I was used to on that ground, I felt a deep emptiness, not the one permeated by nothing but an emptiness that felt wrong: VOID.
A tear dropped, I folded my hands and looked around,
the anger, sadness and grief that I’ve been dealing with came back in full force, and I allowed myself to feel it. Through my tears, I saw the young man who brought me the green whistle and asked me to blow it loud if anyone harassed me,
Yesterday on my Insta Story, I asked people to tell me what moment of their life they would take back if they could. 89% of responders (yes, I counted to be sure) out of 536 responses said they wish they hadn’t rushed into marriage when they did.
If you’re already furious at me,
calm down. Let me discount your arguments before I begin:
1. This post isn’t against marriage.
2. If you’re truly happily married, your marriage is a blessing to you and not a source of constant worry, unhappiness and feeling of entrapment, this post isn’t for you.
Why do women rush into marriage just for the sake of it? I researched and asked people as well, especially some of those who responded to the insta story question. Here are some quoted responses:
- “It just seemed like the next step to take, we had dated for so long”
I was seated by the reception desk in 2009 when she waltzed in with the calmest energy, looking like a model. Her hair was shaved so low it was almost bald, she looked stunning!
I said to her immediately she approached the reception desk, “Wow, you’re beautiful.”
I think I made her shy but that’s not my business. 😂
Apparently, she came for an interview in the company and got the job. I immediately befriended her when she resumed even though I didn’t understand then why I was drawn to her.
I know now, her heart radiates so much light, I was bound to be affected by it. She’s the purest of humans, the most patient friend and sister, looking out for me when I don’t ask for it, speaking peace into my life when my heart is experiencing chaos,
Before the year runs out, call to schedule these three doctor appointments:
See a Dentist:
Experts recommend regular check-ups and teeth cleanings to help spot issues early on. Regular cleaning and check up appointments should be every six months or at least once a year.
See an OB-GYN: A routine ob-gyn appointment should include a pelvic exam, Pap smear (one every three to five years), and breast exam. Preventative gynecology appointments help catch problems earlier that may develop over time.
I remember as an employee, I would be up till 4 am tracking and responding to captains of ships or simply monitoring a product discharge.
I would send an email to my boss at 4 AM, giving her/him updates on the project(s).
EVERY TIME, both bosses would respond immediately.
They impressed me with their work ethics so I worked harder.
If you’re lazy and have terrible work ethics but you’re looking for employees who’ll be hardworking and give their best, you’re not ready to own a generational business. You lead by example, they follow.
My reward for working hard/smart and doing extra came as a brand new car in my name but that wasn’t the main reward. It was the fact that they began to leave so much to me that I gained so much experience in a short time.
"I thought studying in the US would be easy. I'd attended a UN conference in high school, so I already had a visa. I begged my father to let me go. He finally agreed and took out a loan to buy me a plane ticket. I arrived with $150 in my pocket,
and stayed with a Gambian family in Maryland. For two months I visited schools, asking for financial aid—but nothing was available for people like me. I began to accept the reality that I would need to go back home. There was one last school called Montgomery College.
It was a five-minute bus ride from where I was staying. And when I visited the campus, I learned about a scholarship for international students. But the deadline was approaching, and I would need to submit my application that day. I searched everywhere for a computer.
When I first started DANG, it mattered to me how many people liked because I thought that validated my content. It mattered to me how many people followed, that validated my presence, it mattered to me how many people commented, that validated my popularity.
I was told that to monetise my passion, I needed to have an insane number of followers, starting from 50k. So I started to count the followers, “1k, 1k-50, 1k-70,” it was soooo slow.
It didn’t take a while for this to bother me. I hated that instead of putting my all, I was
getting distracted by numbers.
One day in 2017, I wrote about it. Because that’s what I do,when I begin to feel uncomfortable with my situation or thoughts, I write to myself and ask myself: “why.”
My intentions have always mattered to me and it has always guided me back home.