Thread by @RachelintheOC

The holiday season is a time of celebration and a chance to reconnect with family and friends, but it can also present challenges for some survivors of sexual assault.

Perpetrators of sexual violence are usually someone the victim knows.

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This is especially true for those who have experienced child sexual abuse. For survivors, holiday gatherings may mean facing painful memories, feelings of anxiety, or a chance of repeated harm.

Large gatherings can also make it more difficult for survivors

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if someone who hurt them in the past will be around them. Fortunately, there are ways to help survivors feel safe as they plan for holiday gatherings.

“Each survivor’s experience and healing process is unique, and for some people,

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the holidays may be an especially tough time,” says Keeli Sorensen, vice president of victim services at @RAINN.

“Simple safety tips, self-care strategies, and the support of loved ones can sometimes make all the difference.”

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In addition to the painful memories and feelings of anxiety survivors may face during this season, for those traveling during the holidays going through airport security screening or spending an extended period of time in enclosed spaces can be difficult.

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To learn more tips—such as how to fill out a TSA notification card, request a private screening instead of a pat-down, or request a TSA Passenger Support Specialist—check out @RAINN’s article on airport security for survivors.

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More often than not, the perpetrator of sexual violence is someone the victim knows.

This is especially true for those who experience sexual abuse as a child: 93% of children know the perpetrator, and 34% are abused by a family member.

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For these survivors, holiday gatherings can mean facing painful memories, feelings of anxiety, or a chance of repeated harm.

During the holiday season, RAINN support specialists for the National Sexual Assault Hotline anticipate helping survivors

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who are going through a tough time at home or during family gatherings. Here, they share some strategies to help survivors feel safe.

1. Identify alternative housing plans. Survivors who have flexible schedules during the holidays can stay in different places

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to avoid being in the family home or location where the abuse occurred.

- Consider staying with a friend or non-offending family member.
- Plan a mini-vacation or side trip during the time you would be asked to stay with family.

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- Offer to join for family gatherings, but stay in an offsite location, like a motel or hostel (if finances allow). If you are concerned about ongoing safety, keep this location private from the perpetrator.

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2. Try to avoid close quarters. For many survivors, family pressures or traditions do not permit them to stay outside the family home.

In this situation, survivors can brainstorm ways to avoid the perpetrator during gatherings.

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- Make plans that involve leaving the home for an extended period of time, such as volunteering, catching up with old friends, or offering to run errands for the household.
- Think of possible excuses, such as having conflicting plans or needing rest,

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for not attending events where the offender will be present.
- If it makes you feel safer, stick to common areas and public places within the home or building, such as a living room or kitchen, and try to avoid secluded areas.

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- Avoid talking to, sitting near, or standing around the person who hurt you. It’s okay to draw boundaries, even if makes other family members uncomfortable.
3. Reach out to a neutral party. Survivors may feel isolated because of patterns of not being believed,

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fear of disclosing, or concerns about creating family tensions or division. Sometimes, it can be easier to talk to a neutral third party who can offer support.

- Reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline by phone [phone])

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to be connected with a local sexual assault service provider, or chat online with someone who is trained to help.
- Download safety planning or meditation apps for a smartphone or tablet to help with stressful times.
- Read through recovery tips from @RAINN,

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like Self-Care After Trauma and Tips for Survivors on Consuming Media.
- If you are in imminent danger, call 911.

4. Make a plan. Mapping out a game plan for family gatherings—in advance—can help survivors feel safe, comfortable, and prepared.

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- Think through logistics. Does this plan require a car or other transportation? Will you need to arrive or depart the family gathering at a certain time?
- Consider how to talk to family if tensions arise. Not everyone is ready or able to disclose

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what happened—and that’s OK. Make a plan for how to answer tough questions or diffuse a tense situation.

If your safety plan falls through, or if you experience harm, know that YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.

You deserve support.

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The National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7: 800.656.HOPE (4673) and online.rainn.org

More here: Airport Security for Survivors | @RAINN buff.ly/32lHfAX

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Children and Teens: Statistics | @RAINN buff.ly/2Eej0Tv

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Join me in 30 minutes-ish on #SexAbuseChat @TwitterSpaces! twitter.com/i/spaces/1LyxB…

Want to join my #SexAbuseChat Community, #survivor friends? Click here: twitter.com/i/communities/…

Family dynamics, culture or heritage, introverted/extroverted personalities, and personal experiences, including our experiences of abuse, can all shape our expectations of boundaries. One of our basic human rights is to have our individual boundaries respected.

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Don't ignore the boundaries you've set in order to please someone else because, "it's the holidays." Stick to it!

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Setting boundaries is essential for everyone for emotional and physical health, and healthy boundaries are especially important for survivors. Without boundaries, you can be taken advantage of or even harmed. With too rigid of boundaries, you can end up isolated.

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According to the Center Against Sexual Violence, setting boundaries allows survivors to:

• practice self-care and self-respect
• communicate needs
• make time and space for positive interactions
• set healthy limits in relationships

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Boundaries can be physical, like asking a "close talker" to step further away from you so that you don't feel threatened by their invading your personal space, or not allowing someone to touch you in any inappropriate or unwanted manner.

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Boundaries can also be emotional, like refusing to be around someone who is verbally or emotionally abusive, especially if the abusive person is a spouse/partner, family member, boss, etc. In unequal power relationships, setting boundaries can be more difficult.

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Think of boundaries as No Trespassing signs. These guidelines or rules protect you from being abused by others. Since our boundaries were not honored when we were children, survivors may have a more difficult time setting and honoring our own boundaries.

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How do YOU plan to keep your boundaries set during holiday get-togethers and on vacation?

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I can only take so many HOURS of hanging out with my extended family, so we plan it so we're the last to arrive and the first to leave.

Introversion allows me to stick to those goals. I need my quiet time!

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