Thread by @RachelintheOC

Tonight we're discussing disclosure - it's different for every survivor. When to disclose, if we disclose, how to disclose...we'll discuss ways and when and how tonight and all that entails (in the time available).

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When people hear the word "disclosure", especially in relation to sexual abuse, their minds probably go toward reporting to the authorities. While this is an option, of course, disclosure does not have to mean going this route.

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The definition says "the action of making new or secret information known," it doesn't say known to the entire world, or to the police or to your family. It doesn't actually stipulate.

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It is a known fact that disclosing sexual abuse is extremely difficult, and some people never ever feel able to do so, and that is okay, too.

This chat is not in any meant to put pressure on any survivor to come forward.

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All that said, survivors sometimes have a longing to feel heard. During abuse or assaults, people felt unheard, and often afterward, they still felt unheard. We are discussing options for what disclosure can mean, and ways to feel heard somehow.

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It is important we remind everyone, there is no pressure to disclose EVER, and your story is yours; no one should judge your choices.

There just might be suggestions you haven't thought of before in relation to having your story heard by someone/anyone.

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Writing can be a great start for those who have felt so far unable to speak about their abuse. Whether it's memoir, poetry, essay or keeping a journal/diary, it's a starting point.

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As a writing coach, I advise writers to #WriteWhatScaresYou - remember, nobody is watching you write this all down. Don't self-edit. Just let the 'word vomit' flow. Don't worry about who will read it. Who will see it. JUST WRITE.

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Once you have your words written, you could choose to either start a blog (named, or anonymized under a pen-name).

Alternatively, there are many websites where you can have your work published anonymously - @SpeakOurStories, say it forward..... etc.

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If writing is not your thing, you could compose a letter to someone, perhaps a best friend, or maybe someone you have met online who is also a survivor. You could spend a long time deciding what to write, how to write, with no pressure to share.

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If you feel able, you could share the parameters with the other person, such as "this stays between you and me," before you disclose and share your story with them.

Some of what inhibits us from telling anyone is how people might react.

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Try to think about how you have felt towards people who have shared secrets with you. It often feels like an honor to be trusted to such a deep level. It also tells them how safe you feel in the relationship.

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Feeling heard does not have to mean court. Again, there is that option, but feeling heard can happen in a range of ways, with a range of people.

You might answer an anonymous survey as part of a research project. You might DM someone after an online chat.

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Other ways to disclose can be via art projects, a letter to your abuser you never send, writing in 3rd person (as @CStreetlights just mentioned), talking with a trusted friend or lover, dance, music...whatever helps you lighten the burden.

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You may not get the validation or support from people you want to believe you. You cannot control that. And yea, that sucks. However, that cannot stop you from reaching out for support and actively healing. One isn't dependent on the other.

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However you feel able to disclose, and whichever way you feel safest to feel heard - it's all up to you. That's the bottom line!

If you share with someone close, you may be surprised how they respond with kindness and empathy and will be in awe of your courage.

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If they don't, they might be the wrong people to have in your life. As survivors, we've had enough toxic people already. If telling your truth upsets them, find others who support you.

We don't need to go through this journey alone. As a community, we are strong #SexAbuseChat

There are two forms of disclosure: direct and disguised.

* Direct disclosure: Exactly what it sounds like, a person directly tells what happened to them.

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* Disguised (or indirect) disclosure: A person communicates what they have experienced indirectly – through their behaviors, emotions, art, writing, appearance, inquiries or discussions about fears, concerns or relationships.

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They divulge information through indirect statements, statements with conditions (e.g., “promise not to tell”) or third-party statements (e.g., “my friend’s parent is hurting her”).

Whichever what you CHOOSE to disclose OR NOT is fine, is right, is good.

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Never let anyone put pressure on you to report - it's always your choice. Many people WHO AREN'T CRIME VICTIMS will pressure us into reporting, saying it's our fault if the perp attacks again. It's not.

Always the fault of the perp.

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Helpful further reading:

Helping Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse to Disclose #3 buff.ly/38MuIEv

Helping Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse to Disclose #4 buff.ly/2vvgqtK

via @PsychToday

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@PsychToday Thank you all for such an engaging chat this week! Take care of yourselves, dear friends. Chat can be triggering even hours after. We'll see you next week at 6pm pst/9pm est. Hugs all around.

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