Regret, distress, low self-esteem: Why today’s hook-up culture is a terrible deal for women
By Louise Perry. 1/5
newstatesman.com/politics/2021/… @Louise_m_perry
Louise Perry note that, on average, men desire casual sex more than women do, and hook-up culture is one solution. Women are encouraged to close the gap by imitating male sexuality, having sex “like a man”. Some women like this, but for many it’s unpleasant, even distressing. 2/5
Studies find that following hook-ups, women are more likely than men to experience regret, low self-esteem and mental distress. Nevertheless, a youthful period of hooking up is now the norm. 3/5
Various guides advise women to overcome or put aside their preference for intimacy and commitment in sexual relationships, and “to debilitate themselves emotionally in order to gratify men”. 4/5
Louise Perry argues instead that *men* should adjust their sexual preferences. 5/5
newstatesman.com/politics/2021/… @Louise_m_perry

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More from @MichaelGLFlood

29 Dec 21
The problem with how men perceive rape
splinternews.com/the-problem-wi…
By Lux Alptraum, 2016 @LuxAlptraum 1/11
The problematic idea “that sex can be divided into two broad categories: capital R Rape (which is monstrous, criminal and should be severely punished by the legal system) and normal, chill sex, which is obviously consensual and with which no woman should ever have a problem" 2/11
"But missing from this dichotomy are the scores of “not rape” violations, and acts that might best be described as “sexual microaggressions”—small acts of boundary-pushing and coercion that might be easy enough to brush off in isolation, but in aggregate teach women that..." 3/11
Read 11 tweets
26 Dec 21
The female price of male pleasure
By Lili Loofbourow, 2018.
Why may women not recognise and resist sexual situations in which they feel uncomfortable? Because they have a lifetime’s training in ignoring that discomfort.
theweek.com/articles/74997… 1/11
“Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.”
When men talk about “bad sex”, it’s often about sex that is passive or boring. When most women talk about "bad sex," they tend to mean coercion, emotional discomfort, or even pain. 2/11
“we live in a culture that sees female pain as normal and male pleasure as a right.”
Women are constantly and specifically trained out of noticing or responding to their bodily discomfort, particularly if they want to be sexually "viable".
3/11
Read 11 tweets
23 Dec 21
Unacknowledged rape: the sexual assault survivors who hide their trauma – even from themselves
theguardian.com/society/2021/a… 1/6
Large numbers of women have had experiences that meet legal definitions of rape and sexual assault but don’t label it as such. It can take years for survivors to realise or accept that their experience amounts to sexual assault or rape, if ever. 2/6
A 2016 analysis of 28 studies of nearly 6,000 women and girls aged 14+ who had experienced sexual violence found that 60% of survivors didn’t label their experience as “rape”. Instead, they used descriptors such as “bad sex” or “miscommunication”. journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/15… 3/6
Read 6 tweets
23 Dec 21
Facts about sexual assault and rape of adults (Australian Institute of Criminology research synthesis)
Reporting: Most victims of rape and sexual assault delay disclosing or reporting or never disclose their experiences. 83% of victims did not report.
aic.gov.au/publications/t… 1/14
Incidents of rape and sexual assault are significantly under-reported, under-prosecuted, and under-convicted. Conviction rates for sexual assault are extremely low. Because rapes usually in private without witnesses or medical evidence, victim-blaming jurors, poor rape laws. 2/14
False allegations are rare. And when they do occur, most are not malicious. Most represent fear or a need for assistance, rather than malice. Also see Lisak et al.’s excellent review of the research, free here: xyonline.net/sites/xyonline…. 3/14
Read 14 tweets
22 Dec 21
Deadly silence: what happens when we don't believe women
Not listening to women’s experience of abusive men – and of other areas from health to the economy – harms all of society.
theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2… 1/6
Women’s suffering is widely accepted and ignored in our culture. Whether the suffering of men’s violence, or poor health. And a cultural unwillingness to believe women. Including on their own competence, or on dangerous men. 2/6
The delegitimisation of women’s voice and authority is central to patriarchy. “Because the existing power structure is built on female subjugation, female credibility is inherently dangerous to it.” 3/6
Read 6 tweets
22 Dec 21
A “Consent Is Sexy” Mantra is Well-Meaning But Misguided.
whitmanwire.com/opinion/2013/0… 1/4
Yes, let’s promote consent. But not above all because it’s sexy, but because it’s about “fundamentally recognising another person’s right to his or her own body, about respecting the person’s dignity and autonomy, and about being able to take a “no”. 2/4
“Rapists don’t rape because consent is not sexy enough; they rape because they feel entitled and protected.”
“Teaching the importance of consent should be a natural outcome of teaching other fundamental moral principles.” 3/4
Read 4 tweets

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