Thread by @MeaveofConnaugh

Cattle Raid of Cooley: episode 15. “What would today be good for?” asked someone from a passing Druid. “If a warrior took up arms today” replied the Druid “his name would endure in Ireland forever”. “By golly!” said Cúchulainn “that’s the job for me” #TainOnTwitter

Cuchulainn approached the king “Howya”, “Howya - would there be any chance of you giving me your spear, sword, shield- in fact all your weapons” he asked “also your chariot”. “What do you want them for”. “To kill things with”. “No bother so” replied the king #TainOnTwitter

Cúchulainn and his charioteer decided to take a trip to Ulster’s southern border on the Fews mountains. There they met Conal Cernach - Crooked Neck - who was guarding the pass. “Howya” “Howya - What do you want boy”. “I merely want to kill things replied Cúchulainn #TainOnTwitter

“Go home boy” said Crooked Neck. “I think not” replied Cuchulainn inserting a stone into his slingshot. “What are you doin” demanded the sentry. “Nothing” said the boy - *ping* - smashing Crooked Neck’s chariot “ya little pup!” said the sentry “btw, nice shot” #TainOnTwitter

Cúchulainn & the charioteer went into darkest Monaghan to Finncairn Hill. From there they could see every fort on the Plain of Meath.”Who would be the most dangerous people here” asked Cúchulainn.“This is County Meath, they are all dangerous”replied the charioteer #TainOnTwitter

“Take me to the confluence of the two great rivers - the sacred Boyne and the majestic Blackwater” said Cúchulainn. “Navan it is so” replied the charioteer, and they headed south to the fort of the terrible sons of Necta Scene #TainOnTwitter

They halted on the green outside the horrible warriors fort. “I’m going to have a little nap” said Cúchulainn “if any of them warriors come out, will you give me a shout”. Soon Cuchulainn was fast asleep. Foill - the Deceitful, saw the sleeping Ulsterman #TainOnTwitter

‘Deceitful’ approached the slumbering Cuchulainn. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to attack him” he said to the charioteer and he immediately proceeded to attack him. “Aha! your name...” said the charioteer. Cuchulainn woke up and chopped his head off. #TainOnTwitter

Tuachell, the Cunning, came out next. “If I asked you to turn your back for a minute...” he said to Cuchulainn but Cuchulainn was alert to his trickiness. He took out his spear and red-riddled the Meath man with it. #TainOnTwitter

Lastly, Fannal, the Swallow, arrived. “Howya”. “Howya” replied Cuchulainn, flinging his spear at him which in addition to churning him up also broke his back. “Let’s go home”. “Will I gather up the trophies .. the severed heads”. “Yes” #TainOnTwitter

On the way home, they got a herd of deer and put them in front of the Chariot, they put a flock of swans flying over the chariot and with the severed heads hanging off the sides of the chariot, they looked lovely. “Holy moly” said everyone who saw them #TainOnTwitter

“I hope you don’t mind me saying so” said the king when he saw them approaching “But I think Cuchulainn is insane - quick send out the naked women before he kills us all” #TainOnTwitter

“Yikes!” said Cuchulainn when he saw the naked women. They grabbed him and dipped him into a barrel of cold water. The water boiled immediately but at least Cuchulainn was sane again.”Howya” he said #TainOnTwitter