Thread by @MeaveofConnaugh

Cattle Raid of Cooley. Episode 17. Forgal’s daughter, Emer, had already warned him of the danger he faced in Scotland. “Lovely jubly” said the Ulster hero “Scotland is lovely and so are the Scottish people, shure what could go wrong” #TainOnTwitter

As Cuchulainn approached Scotland he saw some warriors near the “Pupil’s Bridge”. “Howyas”. “Howya, Are you going to try to cross that bridge” they asked. “Are you going to stop me” he asked. “No” said the boys sitting back as if to enjoy a show #TainOnTwitter

Cuchulainn walked boldly onto the bridge - the boys watched with amusement. “What are ye smirking at?” he asked. “Nothing” grinned the boys. Next thing the bridge sprung up firing the Ulster hero into the air “yoooooo!” he yelped as he landed back where he started #TainOnTwitter

The boys thought it was hilarious. Cuchulainn tried again. “Yooooo!” *bump*. Lots of laughing and unkind comments from the boys. Cuchulainn flew into a rage and gave a salmon-leap, bouncing straight across the bridge. The boys were silent. “Holy moly” they said #TainOnTwitter

Having landed safely in Scotland, Cuchulainn saw a girl approaching. “Howya” “Howya, I’m Uathach, my mother asked me to meet you and seduce you” said the girl. “Is this a Scottish custom?” he asked. “Only in mythology” replied the girl #TainOnTwitter

Cuchulainn spent the next four days with Uathach and, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding, he chopped the head off one of her soldiers. “I’m sorry about that” he said “that’s ok” replied the girl “your training at arms starts tomorrow”. #TainOnTwitter

In the morning Cuchulainn went to find the ferocious warrior queen called Scathach - the Shadowy One. He found her sitting in a yew tree. “Howya”.“Howya, you are just in time” she said “there’s a war on - our neighbor, Aoife, has invaded Scotland” #TainOnTwitter

It turns out that Aoife was the hardest woman warrior in the world. She challenged Cuchulainn to single combat. “Choose your weapons” he said. “The rope of feats” she said. “Holy moly” said everyone as she jumped up the chord and gave Cuchulainn an awful wallop #TainOnTwitter

Cuchulainn was in trouble. No matter what he did, he couldn’t work the Rope of Feats thing. “Does anyone know what Aoife prizes most in the whole world” he enquired. “Yes, her horses” shouted everyone “say something about her horses”. #TainOnTwitter

“Aoife”. “Yes Cuchulainn?” she replied. “I think your horses are after falling over a cliff” he said cleverly. When Aoife was distracted, he climbed up the troublesome Rope and put his sword up to her throat. “I wasn’t expecting that” she said #TainOnTwitter

“I will spare you on three conditions” he said “first, no more fighting, two, hostages and three, your company tonight to bear me a son”. “Sounds reasonable” she replied. Aoife got pregnant, had a baby and called him Connla. #TainOnTwitter

Soon it was time for Cuchulainn to go home to Ulster. “We’ll miss you” said everyone. “I’ll give you this ring for the baby” said Cuchulainn “when the ring fits him, send him to Ireland”. “That sounds like a sensible idea” said his mother #TainOnTwitter

To send him on his way, Scathach recited a poem. Some of the verses predicted “straight sword stabs”, “a red plague”, “grief and sorrow where you roam”, “a bull” and “more blood”. “Goodbye so” he said as he headed home #TainOnTwitter

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