I'm beyond the point where people who think leveling down London is the way to get investment up north receive a nice reply.
You'd think watching repeated Tory governments do the former without the latter would have been a clue.
It's an insta block these days.
90% of the time it's people who would (rightly) be up in arms if I started to claim I fully understood their transport/economic issues, or stereotyped them.
Yet they're happy to ignore London's enormous poverty problems and but into the "metropolitan elite" myth themselves.
Truth is, there is room for investment in both north AND south. But this government would rather make you think we're your enemy than properly invest in the north.
We're not. We're your ally. That's why they're CONSTANTLY trying to convince you we're not.
For the last two years I've been sat here watching the government us COVID to gut London's hard-earned local devolution, so they can kill our transport and punish us for not voting Tory enough in our elections.
And there's people up north on here who cheer that as if it's good.
It's not good. It's bad for us and even worse for you. Because by killing our economy (a net UK contributor) and our independence they remove an example of it done well.
And that means when the north demands it, they get to pretend there are no good examples elsewhere.
So don't buy into the myth that London.
REAL London.
The 10 million of us normal people just living here, not the fake London pushed at you in the papers to get you angry.
Don't buy into the myth that we're different from you, or have somehow stolen from you.
We haven't. It's just the same bullshit they pull with unionisation but on a national level.
They want the little people who have done well to do badly, so they can maintain control of other little people too.
And they want you to knock us down for them.
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Much as I have enjoyed the rockstar lifestyle of living on a heady cocktail of soup, booze and painkillers, I am very much looking forward to a return to solid food.
Although based on my viral tweet output this week it seems I am at my most creative when on soup, painkillers and booze.
Which is concerning.
It's not the painkillers and booze bit that bothers me. I could keep doing those.
I just cannot face any more tubs of soup where the depth of flavour is inversely proportional to the number of hipster ingredients on the label.
PM'S AIDE: The PM had demanded a rapid deployment force.
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Yes. I know
AIDE: So where is it?
COD: You're looking at it.
AIDE: That's just Mark Francois holding a spatula
COD: Yes, well, 20 years of financial cuts and mismanagement will do that to an army.
PM'S AIDE: That's really it?
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Well technically I could call up Penny Mordaunt too, but I think the Prime Minister might question her loyalty.
AIDE: I suppose I should be grateful we have a spatula
COD: Ah. Actually we don't. That's on loan from the Americans.
PM'S AIDE: Don't we have any tanks?
CHIEF OF DEFENCE: Not really. Just one for Defence Ministers to sit in
AIDE: Bugger
COD: Oh wait, we've got some AVs that make people deaf! Forgot about those.
AIDE: The enemy?
COD: No, our chaps. Still, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?
A lot of the narrative about Putin's relationship with the former Soviet republics (and quasi-satellites like Serbia) starts as if he entered power with a blank slate of feelings towards them and NATO.
But he'd been building a personal history with both long before that.
One of the key reasons Putin always plays the strongman with NATO now, is because the time he personally didn't do that early on (Kosovo) was the time they (from his perspective) reneged on an agreement and embarrassed him in front of the satellites.